A Goblet of Blood
by SomethingBorrowed
Summary: Sirius Black grew up in a noble, pure-blood family that practiced the traditional Dark Arts as a tenet of their ancient Pagan faith. Now out of Azkaban, he struggles to understand his past and his role as Harry Potter's godfather. Canon compliant.Slash.
1. A Necessary Evil

**A Goblet of Blood**

**Sirius Black grew up in a noble, pure blood family, committed to practicing the oldest of Wizarding traditions, including the Dark Arts. As a young man, he committed himself to fighting against those practices, as well as the move towards pure blood supremacy. Now out of Azkaban, he struggles with his past as he comes to terms with his new role as Harry Potter's godfather. **

**This story is canon compliant and continues to explore the relationship between Sirius, James, and Remus, as established in The Secret Keepers and The Prisoner of Memory, although it's not necessary to have read those stories first. This story also explores Sirius' relationship with his parents, Regulus, and his cousins Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa. **

**1. A Necessary Evil**

Sirius dreamt he was back at Grimmauld Place. He unlocked the front door with his wand, muttering the incantations he had learned in childhood. He heard the satisfying sounds of the many locks clicking and sliding before the door creaked open and he crossed the threshold. Inside, the entryway was bathed in shadow and his eyes strained to make out the once familiar portraits that whispered "Master Sirius" in low, hissing tones as he passed. In the distance he heard the sound of laughter and he headed in the direction of an illuminated doorway at the end of the long, dark corridor. As he drew closer, he could hear the voices beyond the doorway grew louder and their laughter more joyous. Finally he reached the end of the cooridor, he pushed the door open and glanced inside. A chandlier in the image of a Medusa's head, each lock of snake hair holding a brightly burning candle, hung above a long table full of people who were happily eating rich food, drinking robust wine, and talking excitedly to one another.

The end chair closest to Sirius was empty as if it had been left vacant for him. Suddenly realizing that he was starving, Sirious sat down and picked up his fork. But before he could reach for food, the conversation stopped. Sirius looked up and realized that the guests were all members of his family. Sirius' father, Orion Black, sat at the head of the long table at the opposite end from the empty chair. Sirius' mother sat on his father's left and his brother Regulus on the right. Aunts, uncles, cousins, both living and dead, sat in the velvet upolstered chairs and gazed in surprise at Sirius' presence.

It was Orion Black who broke the silence. He was a tall, imposing man with a large build. His dark, longish hair was swept back from his face and curled at the back of his neck, emphasizing his pronounced widow's peak and large, grey eyes. He stood up from his seat and held aloft his ornate crystal wine goblet. The wine was deep, dark red and seemed to absorb rather than reflect the light from the candles..

"To my son, Sirius Black," his father proclaimed boldly. "Whose deception delivered Harry Potter to the Dark Lord!"

"To Sirius!" the others cheered, all raising their goblets of blood and toasting the man who shared the table with them.

It was not wine in the goblet, Sirius realized then, but the blood that so many of his friends had spilled as they fought for the cause in which they so strongly believed

"No!" Sirius shouted. He stood quickly and his chair scraped along the floor and fell backward. "It wasn't me! I didn't do it! I would never hurt Harry!" But the more he protested, the louder their cheers became until the noise deafened him. The pain rang in his ears as he called out for them to stop. He felt someone touch his shoulder and he tried to spin around, but instead he suddenly woke up.

"Are you okay?" Remus Lupin asked him. He leaned over Sirius and looked at him with concern in his eyes. "You were having a nightmare."

Heart racing, Sirius looked around him and tried to return to the present. Harsh, yellow light from the street lamp was coming though the broken slat of the window blind in Remus' bedroom. He was not at Grimmauld Place after all, but safe in Lupin's flat. Perhaps 'safe' did not adequately describe his condition, as he was still a fugitive, but the family members who haunted his dreams were gone. Most, like his parents and brother, had died and many of the others were still in Azkaban. Those who managed to avoid imprisonment had kept a low profile since the fall of Voldemort. And most importantly, Harry was safe.

Remus touched his cheek. His fingers were cool as they stroked Sirius' face. "It must have been bad," Remus said softly. "You're sweating."

"It's always bad," Sirius said, attempting to smile. "You know how it is."

Remus nodded and sunk back down beside him, "I do know. I've lived with haunted dreams most of my life. Can I do anything?"

"No," Sirius answered, turning towards Remus. "But thanks for asking. Sorry for waking you."

"Don't be," Remus said, smiling. "That's what I'm here for."

Despite his efforts to return to the realm of sleep, Sirius remained awake. The random, loud traffic sounds from outside provided a rough contrast to Remus' soft, rhythmic breaths. He tried to shut out those noises and concentrate on the peaceful sound of the bedroom and let himself think about Harry.

When Harry was born Sirius had been happy for both Lily and James. They had wanted a child as a testament to the love that existed between them. However, Sirius could not see how this tiny, shriveled human could make two people so happy. In fact, at first the infant looked so much more like a house elf than a human that Sirius wondered if there had been a mistake – a switch made at birth.

But as the months passed, Harry's appearance changed and Sirius began to see the charm of the little boy. He could see that the baby recognized him and would reach his tiny fist towards Sirius' nose whenever Sirius held him. It surprised Sirius how this simple, instinctual act warmed even the coldest recesses of his heart. This surprise could be more accurately termed "relief," because Sirius had started to wonder if his inability to feel tenderness towards his godson was a reflection of the complicated feelings he had towards his own parents. "Children are a necessary evil," he had overheard his mother say on more than one occasion. He had spent a lifetime wondering what she had meant by that. In his darkest moments, he believed she did not love him, but after witnessing how difficult children, can be, he wondered if she was only jokingly stating the obvious.

As he lay in the still bedroom, gentler memories of his childhood returned unbiden to him. He remembered how he waited excitedly beside the fireplace for his mother to return home from work. He saw the flames jump high and turn green as her image appeared, proudly wearing the robes and cap of a member of the Wizengamot. When she walked from the green flames unscathed, two house elves took her books and quills and hurried off to place them in the library, as she bent toward Sirius and kissed his cheek. "My darling boy," she whispered.

He remembered how beautiful she was as she descending the staircase at Grimmauld Place in a black crinoline party dress, her dark, curly hair flowing behind her. Her face was enlivened and freshly made-up as she prepared to greet the arriving visitors. Her sparkling stillettos clicked with a commanding gait, which announced to all that she was mistress of the household, but her full, red lips and her plunging neckline left no question that she was feminine, but not at all matronly. Her scent was the aroma of power.

And he remembered a story she told him in the years before he left Grimmauld Place. "I don't believe in prophecy," she said with the air of authority she always had. "Your father's mother, who was my aunt, looked at my palm when I was a girl and told me that she could see my future there." She shook her head and the black curls danced around her shoulders. "She told me that I would one day have more love and power than I could imagine. She said five men would love me dearly and I would love them with all my heart. But I would begin to put a desire for power before love and, one by one, I would lose those loves until one day I was alone. And then I would lose my power, too." Sitting at her feet, listening to the story, Sirius shivered at the ominous end of the story, but his mother only laughed. "I love your father, Sirius, and he loves me. There are no other men. You see, the prophecy cannot come true."

At the time Sirius pouted with disapointment and struggled to find some error in his mother's story. His grandmother had just told him that when he grew up, every witch and wizard in England would know his name and he so wanted that prophecy to come true. Of course, it did come true, but not in the way he had imagined.

Thinking back to that long ago prophecy his mother had so casually dismissed, Sirous realized that it had come true after all. He was her son and he had loved her, but when she put the power of the pure bloods before all else and supported the Dark Lord, he left her behind. Shortly afterward her brother Alfard died. It is true that they were not close and Alfard did not support her cause, but he tried to remain on good terms with her due to their family bond. She lost her husband and her brother Cynus a year or so later and, shortly afterward, Regulus died. When Voldemort fell, she lost her power. Now she was gone and all that was left was a portait that screamed obscenities at him when he entered Grimmauld Place.

Despite himself, Sirius felt a great sadness thinking of how his mother's life must have ended. He wanted to believe that she deserved to die that way or at least to feel nothing, so he closed his eyes and willed himself not to think about her. But still, behind his eyelids he could see her smiling at him until her smile turned to smirk, taunting him with her presence.

"Stay with me," he whispered as he moved closer to Remus. "Help me to forget."

Still asleep, Remus moved, draping his arm around Sirius, drawing him in. And in the protective comfort of his lover's arms, Sirius slept.


	2. The Hunter's Moon

**2. The Hunter's Moon**

_A/N: This story begins a few months after my previous story, __The Prisoner of Memory__, ends. Although you don't need to read that story to understand this one, it does provide the background of the SB/RL relationship. __A Goblet of Blood__ follows the timeline of __The Goblet of Fire__, taking place during Harry's 4__th__ year, beginning in the fall when Sirius returns to Great Britain, but a good deal the action takes place during Sirius' childhood and adolescence via flashback. I hope you enjoy and will continue to read and review._

Remus rose at dawn, waking Sirius as the weight upon the bed shifted and the sagging old mattress dipped and swayed. Since leaving Hogwarts, Remus spent his days going about London, searching for work. It was a fruitless task, but Remus faced it with the stoicism that years of rejection had hardened within him. While Sirius admired his tenatiousness, he secretly hoped that Remus would give up this useless act and keep him company at home.

The old plumbing began to wail as Remus turned on the hot water and the pipes shuddered in protest. Sirius threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed. Faced with another day of tedium, he dreaded waking so early, but still he wandered into the kitchen where he heated the tea kettle with his wand. In truth, it wasn't his wand but a wand he found at Grimmauld Place when he and Remus broke in there in order to hide Buckbeak. The house had been empty since Sirius' mother died, save for the old house elf, Kreacher. He hoped that Kreacher was not tormenting Buckbeak as he fulfilled his duty in caring for the Hippogriff. Although Sirius had left the Black family, Kreacher was still bound to do as Sirius wished; but HOW he did that was not entirely under Sirius' control, especially since Sirius had avoided going back to the house to check on them.

Deep down he knew that seeing Grimmauld Place again was responsible for his nightmares like the one he had had the previous night. It was also why he had thought about his mother twice in the past few days even after all those years of having put her away from his mind. Sirius took a deep breath and decided to make an effort to spend the day thinking only of pure, good things like Remus and seeing Harry again.

When Remus entered the kitchen freshly shaved and showered and dressed, Sirius handed him a cup of tea. "The morning caffeine," Remus said appreciatively. "Thank you."

"The tea supply is running low," Sirius told him. "And you're out of sugar."

Remus nodded as he sipped the tea, but Sirius detected something in his expression as if he were doing some mental calculation. Sirius cleared his throat. This was yet another subject they hadn't discussed.

"Remus, you have to let me help you like you help me."

"I will," Remus answered defensively, "I just don't need anything."

"Okay, but, you know, what's mine is yours and you know I have plenty"

Remus smirked and touched his hand, "Thank you, but I'm fine. I can afford to get more tea and sugar. Besides, how would you get into Gringotts?"

Sirius laughed, "I already have. Remember, I got Harry that broom. It took some work, but Goblins don't care. They're not going to turn me in to the authorities. In fact, they'd probably ENJOY putting one over on the Ministry."

"You're probably right," Remus replied, suddenly distracted by the time on the wall mounted clock. "Listen, you stay here and think of every devious way for getting to your mounds of inherited wealth," Remus teased as he put his cup in the sink and brushed his lips against Sirius' forehead. "I'm going out to try and find work."

Sirius grabbed Remus' wrist as Remus attempted to slide past him. "Don't go," Sirius said. "Stay here and let me take care of us." He moved in towards Remus, pressing his body so close that he could feel Remus' arousal grow against him.

"I can't," Remus whispered in his ear. Despite the softness of his voice, his tone was firm. He turned and walked out the door without looking back.

When the door closed, Sirius slammed his teacup down on the table so hard that it shattered. "Damn," he swore before repairing it with a swoop of his wand.

As he sat at the kitchen table Sirius thought of his vault at Gringotts. His uncle had willed it to him long ago and he had entered it for the first time after his seventeenth birthday. As he stood in the doorway next to the Goblin who had escorted him there, the gold coins he saw glittering in the candlelight looked to him like freedom. He no longer needed to rely on anyone for support. He could get his own flat, purchase his own supplies, and pay for whatever luxury items he chose. He was done with the Blacks forever. He would never need to go back to them. For the first time in his life, he took a breath and he felt that the air was his alone.

Sirius always believed that Alfard had left Sirius his fortune as a slight upon his sister, Walburga Black. Their relationship had been a complicated one and, because he did not share his sister's vehement belief that pure blooded wizards deserved more power than others, Sirius always turned to his uncle for understanding whenever he had a disagreement with his mother.

"I don't think she'll ever forgive me for being placed in Gryffindor," Sirius grumbled. He was home on holiday and had fled to his room after an arguement with his parents. Alfard had come up to find him a few minutes later and the two sat on Sirius' bed. "Nothing I've ever done has pleased her and I don't care!"

"Of course you care," Alfard said calmly. "And she does, too. My sister pretends to be hard, but she puts her family first and supports us all." Sirius snorted in disbelief, but Alfard continued. "It's true. Have you been told about what happened when I came of age and it was the celebration of the Hunter's Moon?"

Sirius shook his head. As one of the oldest wizarding families, the Blacks practiced old magic and worshiped the Gods and Goddesses of the Earth. Their holidays and customs were tied to the changing seasons. The first full moon that occurs in autumn is known as the Hunter's Moon and on that night a 17 year old wizard would go into the forest alone and run along side a herd of deer. There were prayers of thanks that the boy needed to recite to the herd, honoring the sacrifice the animals made so humans could eat. It was believed that the God of Beasts would pleased by the gesture and provide people with meat throughout the hunting season. While the Wizarding world believed that children became adults on their 17th birthday, followers of the old faith believed that a boy did not truly become a man until he completed this ritual and hunted successfully, as a sign that the God's blessing.

"Well," Alfard began, taking off his glasses and placing them inside his robe, "The whole family was gathered at the Black Estate in the country and with great ceremony I was sent off into the forest with only my wand for protection. Oh, I'd seen boys do it in the past and they all looked so eagar and self-assured, and afterwards they would tell great stories about how it felt to run with the deer. But I was terrified. I wasn't cunning or brave and I knew nothing about hunting. I asked the God for strength, but he seemed to have none to give me. So there I was sitting on top of a moss covered rock, shivering with cold, knowing that I would disgrace my family and all the Gods if I couldn't complete the task, when she found me. 'Alfard,' she whispered, 'I'm here to help you.'"

"What did she do?" Sirius asked.

Alfard smiled. His gaze was far away, looking back to a time when all was innocent. "I became a man that night. I returned home with my body smeared in dirt and blood and we had fresh venison for dinner."

"So Mother killed the deer, not you?"

Alfard chuckled. "Maybe. Or maybe it was her presence, her strength, and her encouragement that gave me the courage to run with the deer. Now, years later, it doesn't matter who the hunter really was and I'm not convinced that there are Gods who would care one way or the other how I acted that night. What's important is that your mother knew me and took care of me, and I know she cares for you."

When Sirius' mother died, he received a letter from Gringotts informing him that by virtue of an ancient family custom, not only was he the owner of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, but the entire contents of the Black family vault also belonged to him. "A lot of good that does me in here," he had laughed out loud in his prison cell. Every word of the letter seemed to mock him. He had long ago ceased to believe the assurances that Uncle Alfard had told him and he only saw his mother as vindictive and cruel. "Mother's final revenge," he said to his small cell window as he crumpled the letter, tossed it into the wind, and watched it fall away, down onto the rocks, where it bounced and was lost immediately to the sea.

He had seen the family vault several times during his childhood. "This will all be yours', my boys," his father had told Sirius and Regulus as the three of them stood in the center of the tall, imposing space.

"All of it?" asked Regulus. His eager face appealed yellowish in the gleam of the mountains of gold.

"Most of it, anyway," Orion Black answered. He stood between his two sons and placed his hands on their shoulders. "Your cousins will, of course, inherit a portion, but the majority of the Black legacy will remain with you two."

The wealth contained in the Black family vault made the contents of Sirius' own vault seem modest in comparison. Priceless relics of wizarding days gone by were stacked nearly to the ceiling along with bars of gold and cases of jewels. Along the wall hung suits of armor dating back to the middle ages and silver shields that bore the family crest and their motto _Toujours Pur. _The vault even held many outlawed items, several of which could have fetched an enormous sum if put up for sale at Borgin and Burkes, but the Blacks never had the need for that kind of money.

Sirius took his family's fortune in stride back then. He knew that they were rich, even in comparison to the other rich people he knew, but his life was so sheltered before he went to Hogwarts that it didn't occur to him that most other families didn't have enormous vaults at Gringotts. With the exception of James, most of his friends came from very modest families, and he and James did their best not to flaunt their fortunes.

Alone in the shabby kitchen, the rightful owner of two large vaults full of gold that Remus was too proud to accept, Sirius wondered if his great fortune was just another Black curse.


	3. Autumn of the Wolf

_A/N: The religion practiced by the Black Family is purely fictional and not meant to accurately reflect any existing earth-based faiths, such as Wicca. _

**3. Autumn of the Wolf**

Once again, Sirius was unable to sleep. However, on this night it was not due to nightmares, but to the man who tossed and turned beside him. Usually Remus was a sound sleeper, but this was the night of the full moon and, even after taking the Wolfsbane potion, it was obvious that his mind, if not his body, belonged to the wolf.

Sirius wondered why Remus even bothered with the potion now that he had returned and was more than willing to revisit their days of moonlit carousing. But Remus would not hear of it and chose the long sleep instead. At least, Sirius reasoned, it kept him from watching Remus' disappointment when he arrived home in the evening, once again unable to find work.

"You should look for a position as an in-home tutor for children too young to attend Hogwarts," he suggested, hoping that Remus could once again hold a position that he loved.

Remus laughed at this. "I doubt there are parents who want a werewolf near their children on a daily basis."

"Not everyone shares those biases," Sirius reminded him. "My family certainly didn't."

"I don't suppose you're suggesting I work for a family like yours, are you?

"Good point," Sirius conceded, and the subject ended there.

Despite their many prejudices, Sirius' parents did not shun werewolves, vampires, metamorphs, and other magical beings. Sirius, his brother, and their cousins grew up with a rather unique understanding of the darker side of the Wizarding world – a side that most decent witches and wizards liked to deny existed.

Sirius met his first werewolf when he was nine years old. As was their tradition, the Blacks, along with other pure-blood families, celebrated the Autumnal Equinox. The adults would leave for the hunt on the last day of summer and return on the morning of the first day of fall with their kill, which would be prepared for an evening feast. This preparation was done, of course, by house elves while the weary hunters slept.

Before they were old enough to attend Hogwarts, Sirius and Regulus remained at home during the hunt. Their in-home lessons with an old tutor were suspended for the holiday, but their excitement was short lived when they were told that they must keep quiet as not to disturb the sleep of their elders. This constraint was torturous for the two active boys, so they were very excited when they heard the loud, clanging chime of the doorbell. They ran to the landing and peered through the banisters to see who Kreacher was about to let in.

Kreacher reached up towards the silver door knob and the locks and bolts slid open. With practiced difficulty, he opened the heavy wooden door and welcomed in the shadowy figure stood just beyond the threshold. "Welcome Sir," he said, "Please come in. Mistress is expecting you."

All off a sudden Sirius heard the familiar clatter of high heeled shoes on one of the landings above him.

"Fenrir, is that you?" his mother shouted down from the balustrade.

Sirius raised his head to point out to her the hypocrisy of her noisy presence while he and Regulus had struggled to be quiet all day, but before he could speak Regulus hushed him. "Don't make her angry," he whispered.

Ordinarily Sirius enjoyed upsetting his parents; however, as he heard his mother's loud footsteps approaching, he decided to heed his brother's request and concentrate on the drama that would most likely unfold before them.

From their vantage point on the lower landing Sirius could see that she had already changed into her holiday clothes. She wore a gauzy, scarlet robe that opened in the front revealing a fitted gown underneath made of pumpkin colored silk. The colors of the two garments melded together as she flew down the stairs, creating the effect of autumn leaves blowing in the wind. At her neck she wore her favorite jewel encrusted pentangle, and on her feet were shimmering gold pumps. If she noticed the two boys sitting on the lower landing she did not acknowledge them as she continued quickly down the stairs to embrace her guest.

"Fenrir, I'm so happy you could come!" She gushed with the emotion of seeing an old friend

"Walbie, darling you re as lovely as ever," The man responded as he kissed his hostess continental style, on both cheeks. His voice was deep and raspy, as if his vocal cords had been ripped out and then poorly mended back together. He had bushy, grey hair and mutton-chop side burns that connected to his graying brown mustache.

"I wish I could say the same for you, darling, but you look so pale." She took his hands in hers and observed them with obvious concern "These cuts the look awful!"

The man pulled his hands away and smiled almost menacingly at her. He was a tall man, but in her heels she met his gaze. "Don't pity me, Walburga. Not only can I not bear it, but I don't see myself as afflicted by some horrible disease. No, I am blessed; gifted to be one of the Divines' magical creatures. My work is their work, however horrible or dangerous you witches might find it."

"My dear friend," Sirius' mother responded in what Sirius knew to be her conciliatory tone. "I did not mean to insult. I was merely concerned that you would be strong enough for tonight's feast. Of course I don't find you horrible and I certainly don't think werewolves are dangerous in a waning moon such as we have tonight. And I, too, believe you are blessed. Those closest to the phases of the moon are those who are closest to understanding Her power."

Sirius felt Regulus move more closely towards him upon hearing that there was a werewolf in the house.

The werewolf sighed and shook his head with shame. "I'm sorry for my outburst, Walbie. The full moon has just passed and I don't yet feel completely ... human."

Sirius' mother picked up her hand and patted his cheek gently. "It's alright, darling. I completely understand. Now, how about a drink? Mead in honor of the holiday or would you prefer Firewhiskey in your condition?"

"Mead is fine," the man laughed loudly, creating a sound like two rusty pieces of metal scraping together. "Where is Orion?"

"He's still dressing, but he'll meet us momentarily in the sitting room." Taking his am in hers, they started up the stairs.

"Well now," the man exclaimed when he saw the two boys huddled in the corner of the first landing. "These must be your sons are they not?"

He looked at them with a predatory, almost ravenous, gleam in his eyes that disquieted Sirius and caused Regulus to grip his brother's arm so tightly that Sirius had to shake him off.

"Boys, say hello to Mr. Greyback," their mother commanded with a tone that underscored her annoyance at having discovered them spying on her.

"Well, if you weren't so caught up in yourself you would have noticed us sitting here," Sirius thought to himself, but when he realized that Regulus was still frozen with fear, he obediently asked "How do you do, sir?"

"Very well, very well, boys. I trust I will be seeing you later at dinner?"

Sirius noted Greyback's long, sharp, yellow teeth; claw-like, stained finger nails, and foul breath. He hoped he would not be seated near this disturbing man, but before he could speak further his mother responded, "Of course you will, once they are both cleaned up and presentable."

The irony of her statement to a man as seemingly unclean as Greyback made Sirius wince and consider his retort; however, he lost his chance when his mother called out, "Eemah! Eemah, come here, please!" Within seconds there was a popping noise and the house elf who served as their nanny appeared.

"Yes, Mistress," Eemah said with her head bowed. She was not very old by house elf standards, although she had served as Walburga Black's nanny when she was a girl. Eemah wore an old nappy over her thinning hair like a kerchief and another nappy fastened across her body like a toga.

"Eemah, please take the boys upstairs and ensure that they have had their baths before dinner."

"Yes, Mistress," Eemah agreed, shooting a look of warning towards Sirius.

Sirius looked defiantly back at his nanny and turned to his mother. He was about to tell her that he did not need a bath and, even if he did, he was too old to have one drawn by a house elf. But before he could speak, his mother and Greyback had already turned away into the sitting room. She shut the door and Sirius heard them laughing behind it.

When he finally entered the dining room, Sirius marveled at the bounty set before him. The long table was leaden with the fruits and vegetables traditionally served for the Harvest meal. The pheasant, which had been killed on the hunt, had been roasted and dressed and now lay upon several silver platters, while their tail feathers adorned the centerpiece. Regulus was hungry and eager to sit down, but his father stopped him announcing that they all must first give thanks for the many blessings of the earth and welcome in the new season.

After the birds and animals, trees and plants were thanked for their sacrifice to this meal, Orion Black invited the guests and family members to sit. Sirius looked around the table and counted 25 people, but sadly no other children. Sirius realized he was condemned to yet another night listening to boring adult conversations.

Kreacher made his way around the table pouring mead for the guests. Mead, a wine made from fermented honey, was the traditional drink for the equinox. It symbolized the fertility of the earth and the virility of the life upon her. Neither Sirius nor Regulus liked mead, so they drank from their water goblets instead. Sirius sat beside his brother and across from his Aunt Druella. She was married to his Uncle Cygnus and they had three daughters who were older than he, but had essentially grown up with Sirius and Regulus. She smiled at Sirius when she saw him looking at her.

As if reading his mind Greyback asked, "Druella, how are your lovely girls? Growing more beautiful by the day, I imagine." Sirius saw the same hungry look in Greyback's eyes that he had seen when the werewolf spoke to Sirius and Regulus earlier in the evening. There was something else in Greyback's eyes as well: a look that Sirius would later learn was lechery.

His aunt must have noticed it as well because she laughed nervously before responding. "Bellatrix is in training now, but Andromeda and Narcissa are still in school. Their father and I hope there will be young men who also recognize their loveliness," she said half-joking and half in warning.

"Appropriate young men," Walburga Black, interjected. "As we can all see," she pointed her fork around the dining room in an effort to underscore her words, "we are dwindling in number. In my youth this table was over run with children."

"Unfortunately, so few people care about the sacred blood any longer," said another guest, Mrs. Avery, Sirius thought her name was.

"Fortunately, there are those who do," Sirius father, trying to reassure his guests, "And I'm sure my nieces, my sons, and indeed all of our children will make wonderful marriages to preserve the ancient traditions."

"That presumes there are enough pure-blood families left," Mrs. Avery responded. "You remember what happened to the Gaunts." She made the sign to ward off curses and a few of the others joined her.

"That was tragic," Sirius' mother concurred, making the sign again, as if an additional charm would be more effective in keeping tragedy at bay. "But it's a reminder to us all that we can no longer rely on close intermarriage and why we all need to be vigilant in ensuring our values are met with necessary deference by the Ministry. As a member of the Wizengamot, I am working with a few like minded individuals to…"

The conversation was always the same, Sirius noted. After listening to a few kind words about the food or the children, she was off, talking about the Ministry. It was either that or Sirius' father, the landlord for most of the businesses in Knockturn Alley, would complain about the harassment of his tenants by overzealous Ministry Aurors.

"It's modern day persecution!" Orion Black would exclaim, shaking his head and then taking a sip from his glass, as if the state of the world was too much to contemplate without the help of strong drink. "I never imagined I'd see the day when the Ministry created a department solely to investigate magic's most sacred ways."

Sirius turned his mind away from these conversations and thought of ways to amuse or annoy his brother.

Traditional feasts went on for hours. When Sirius and Regulus were allowed to be excused into the care of their nanny it was very late, but the adults were still drinking mead, becoming louder by the hour. At other feasts, when more children were present, they would all leave the table together to be placed in the same room for the rest of the night, which would result in lots of mischief, but very little sleeping.

On this night, however, he and Regulus wearily climbed the stairs with Eemah who held a candle out in front of her tiny body, guiding their way through the otherwise dark hallways. They entered their separate rooms and Eemah got out their pajamas and ensured they brushed their teeth before she left them in darkness. Sirius was very tired and was drifting off to sleep when he heard a quiet knock at his door. He heard the hinges slowly creak open.

"Sirius?" Regulus whispered in a voice that was high with tension. "Sirius?"

"What is it?" Sirius groaned back. He didn't want Eemah to come back in and scold them for talking, so he kept his voice low.

"Sirius, I'm scared. I'm scared of that man, the werewolf."

"Don't be," Sirius assured him, as he propped himself up on his elbow to look toward the door. "You heard Mother. Werewolves are not dangerous in the waning moon."

Regulus continued to stand in the doorway. Even for an eight year old he was small and his slight build made him look even younger as he stood illuminated by a thin strip of moonlight, wearing loose flannel pajamas. "But what if he can still hurt us? The moon looks pretty bright. What if he has powers even Mother doesn't know about?"

"Mother wouldn't let him hurt us, you know that," Sirius reassured him. "Mother wouldn't tolerate anyone maiming a pure-blood, especially one of us."

"What if he's not afraid of Mother?" Regulus asked in a small voice.

"Everyone's afraid of Mother," Sirius told him. "Maybe not Dad, though. Look, would you feel better if you slept in here."

"Yes, that would help," Regulus said with relief as he closed the door tightly and crossed the room. He climbed on to Sirius' large, four poster bed and slid under the bedclothes on the opposite side from his brother. "Good night," he whispered as he sunk into the pillow.

"Good night," Sirius whispered back.

When Regulus' soft, regular breathing told Sirius that he was asleep, Sirius sat up against the bedstead so that he could see the bedroom door. He stayed awake until dawn lit the windows, keeping alert for the rasping breaths of the wolf.

_Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know what you think about the Blacks._


	4. The Earthly Hallows

_A/N: This chapter is a little heavy on background, but if you stick with it you will be rewarded with some SB/RL._

**4. The Earthly Hallows**

Sirius finally fell asleep after relocating from the bedroom to the sitting room sofa. The familiar sound of a beak rapping at the windowpane woke him at mid-morning and he jumped up with great enthusiasm.

"Hedwig," he said as he let the snowy owl into the flat. "What have you got for me, my friend?"

The owl hooted and held out her leg. He removed the note attached there and looked around the room for a knut to give her. Not seeing one, he went in search of food instead, assuming rightfully that she would be hungry after the journey. He found a slice of bread and she ate it with great appreciation while he read the note

_Dear Sirius,_

_I reckon I just imagined my scar hurting. I was half asleep when I wrote you last time. No point in coming back, everything is fine here. D__on't worry about me. My __head feels completely normal._

_Harry_

"Just like his father!" Sirius laughed out loud. Like James, Harry was less concerned about himself and thought more about the danger to others, specifically in this case, Sirius.

Sirius saw the date on Harry's note and looked around the room for a calendar to see how long it had taken to reach him. Remus had a calendar posted on the wall and Sirius walked over to look at it. Even after so much time he had trouble reading Muggle-style calendars, although wizards had been using them for many years, including during the time he was at Hogwarts. Personally, Sirius hated these calendars. Each page devoted to a different month as if time has a beginning and an end. Each day encapsulated in a box, rather than allowed to flow seamlessly into one another with the rise and fall of the sun.

To Sirius, a calendar looked like a wheel with two vertical spokes representing the two solstices and two horizontal spokes representing each equinox. The four seasons of the year were again divided in half for the four mid-season holidays – Halloween, Candlemas, Beltane, and Lammas - and then 26 spokes were layered upon them to indicate the full and dark moons. Unfortunately, knowledge of such things made it too easy to keep track of the number of months, seasons, and years when he was in Azkaban.

Elaborate calendar wheels hung in nearly every room at Grimmauld Place, often given prominence with grandfather clocks. Most were either golden or silver and had a marker that magically changed to point to the actual day. Traditional calendars were decorated in the center with symbols representing the Father of Heaven and the Mother of Earth, although some within the Black household were instead engraved with their family motto and crest.

It was rare to see traditional calendars any more, even in pure-blood homes. Very few people used them and the teachers at Hogwarts had all but put them away when he was a student there. Sirius looked at the letter in his hand and wondered if Harry had ever seen one and, if he had, if he knew what it was.

The most impressive traditional wizard calendar that Sirius had ever seen was in the home of James Potter's parents. It was nearly 4 feet in diameter and hung high on the wall of their two story entry parlor. It was the first thing anyone noticed when entering the house. In the center of the wheel was what looked like an eye inside a triangle and surrounding the wheel were old sayings spelled out in ancient runes.

"That's the family crest," James told him when he asked about the triangle. "Not mine, of course, but from my mum's side – the Peverell Family. She's the last one, or rather I am, I guess."

"I've never seen a crest like that," Sirius remarked. "nor a calendar so big. Can you read the writing on the outside?" He asked.

"No," James said, shaking his head. "But Mum told me it says 'listen to the hallows of the earth and they will guide you.'"

"'She will guide you,'" Sirius corrected him. "It's part of a blessing. So, you're a pure-blood, then?" James nodded. "I didn't know that about you. You don't talk about it."

"Why would I? I would sound like a Slytherin prat if I did. Not that you sound like one. I mean, it's not your fault that people keep bringing it up all the time."

Sirius knew that having been placed in Gryffindor was a subject of whispered conversations throughout Hogwarts. He heard the hushed words "pure blood," "long history of Slytherin," "powerful parents couldn't help him," "dark magic will soon pervade Gryffindor," but he didn't know until then that his roommate and best friend had also heard them. It wasn't like Sirius to run from accusation. Instead of making excuses for himself, he faced his tormentors head on. He proudly wore his pure blood status as well as his break from generations of family members, all of whom had been placed in Slytherin.

"Are your parents religious?" he asked James, gesturing towards the calendar and the prayer upon it.

"Not really. My mother was brought up following the old religion, but before I was born my dad thought it best that they follow the more common conventions. He says that witches and wizards need to be more secular in order to be more welcoming to the Muggle-borns. He thinks the old faith scares them off and makes them think that they can never truly be a part of us."

Sirius didn't respond. He knew what his father would say to Mr. Potter: "They aren't part of us. They will never be part of us. Mudbloods are an abomination. Their powers should not be cultivated or trained, but left to wither and die."

He wondered how they could be so different, he and James. They were both pure-blooded, but James' family saw that their heritage prompted them to be leaders, welcoming newcomers, whereas the Blacks had always taught him that being a pure-blood was an exclusive club that should be wary of non-members.

Trying to decide what to say next, Sirius looked up at the gold calendar wheel for inspiration, but the only thing that came to him was the rest of the blessing that James had either forgotten or didn't know: "Watch with the eyes of stars and you will see His path."

From behind Sirius, they heard Mrs. Potter approach. She was an old woman – significantly older than most mothers, and when Sirius had first met her he thought that she must be James' grandmother with her white hair and dark blue robes. He turned towards her, standing behind him in the front hall, and she looked at Sirius as if he were an apparition from the past. "I didn't know," she said in a voice that was dreamy as her eyes searched his face. "I didn't know anyone still … but of course, your family…"

Sirius grew uncomfortable under her penetrating gaze, wondering what she knew about his family and if that knowledge would prevent him from visiting James in the future. But as she continued to look at him, her face grew soft and welcoming. Then she spoke to him in a language that he had heard many times before. He did not speak the language, but through her cadence he knew she was completing the words of the blessing.

He translated for James, "And with Them both you will know strength, goodness, and love."

After that incident he always had a special place in Mrs. Potter's heart, and she in his. "I miss the old ways," she told him toward the end of her life. "When I was younger I convinced myself that I could find comfort in any god, but it's not the same. The seasons pass without recognition or ceremony and I feel a sense of loss. I feel disconnected from the earth now, adrift. I wish I had taught my son to know the sacred ways."

"If you had," Sirius laughingly reassured her, "he would ignore them like I have."

Mrs. Potter smiled back at him. "You can't ignore them. They will always be a part of you, too." She took his hand in hers. It felt cold and frail to him. He looked in her eyes and saw that she was fading away from this life. For a brief moment Sirius missed his own mother – not who she was or who she had become, but what she could have been.

James' mother died shortly after they finished Hogwarts. At the burial Sirius stood across from James, separated by the grave in which her coffin was placed. Next to him Remus and Lily recited a common psalm as the vicar had instructed: "The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want…"

He didn't know the words so he looked up at James. James stared silently back at him, his eyes blazing. "This is wrong," he seemed to say. "This is not what she would want." Sirius nodded at him.

As the mourners began to leave, he went with Lily, Remus, and Peter to James' side. "Sorry, mate," Peter began, but James ignored him.

"Tell me, Padfoot. Tell me what to say." He looked hopeless, directionless.

"I'm not…" Sirius began, but James reached out and grabbed his wrist. Sirius felt James' hand slide down over his until their palms rested together.

"Please," James pleaded.

Sirius met his desperate gaze and the words he had learned in childhood bubbled up from somewhere deep inside him. He prayed out loud for the Earth Goddess to take Mrs. Potter back into Her arms. He prayed for her soul to return to the Father of Heaven and to rain down upon Her fields, creating new life once again, living forever in the circle of birth and death, heaven and earth.

Sirius had never been religious. He had never paid attention to the lessons that had been so important to his family. He didn't know until that moment that he even remembered the Prayer of Death and Rebirth, but he could see that his words brought great comfort to his friend.

Speechless, James pulled Sirius toward him and hugged him. The close, physical contact with one who was not his lover unnerved Sirius at first, but then he let his body relax and, for the first time, he let his arms snake around his best friend.

What had gone wrong, he wondered as he felt the warmth of James' embrace? How had those beautiful words and comforting sentiments been so corrupted that, when he thought of the old faith, he only thought of the pain and destruction that his family wished to bring down upon those who did not share their birthright? What did they hear in those words that others, including his friends who stood there by the grave with him, did not?

* * *

Hedwig hooted softly on the kitchen table as she pecked at her slice of bread. Sirius had never understood James' fascination with the old faith. Things were different now and he wondered if anyone followed the old ways or if Harry even knew of them. He pulled out a quill and a piece of parchment and wrote a response.

_Nice try, Harry. _

_I'm back in the country and well hidden. I want you to keep me posted on everything that's going on at Hogwarts. Don't use Hedwig, keep changing owls, and don't worry about me, Just watch out for yourself. Don't forget what I said about your scar._

_Sirius._

He attached the note to Hedwig's leg and brought her to the window. "Go find Harry," he told her and she beat her wings to begin her flight.

Perhaps it was the memory of Mrs. Potter's funeral or perhaps it was because Harry reminded him so much of his lost friend, but as he watched the owl circle, her snowy white feathers shining brightly with the glare of the morning sun, he called out, "Listen to the hallows of the earth and She will guide you."

It seemed to him that when Hedwig circled again she looked down at him. He felt her eyes upon him and he knew she understood his words and grasped their greater meaning. He watched the owl as she continued to climb into the sky, becoming a tiny white speck in the midst of clear blue. He shut the window and he felt a growing sense of confidence that everything would turn out fine.

But, just as he allowed himself that brief moment of solace, it was broken by someone pounding on the flat door and his heart quickened with fear and foreboding.

_To readers and reviewers: You make a difference, so thank you for all of your kind words. I'm glad you find this look at the Black Family interesting and different. _


	5. Eyes of the Stars

_A/N: Witchcraft, sex, religion, a cliffhanger resolved, and a slightly longer chapter to keep you reading over the weekend. _

**5. Eyes of Stars**

The pounding stopped for a moment, long enough for Sirius to take a breath, but then it started again. "Lupin!" a voice called. "Lupin, Open up!"

There had been several times over the years when Sirius' life flashed before his eyes. Each time he took a mental inventory of the things he had failed to do and the people for whom his passing would distress. The first time had been when he fell off his broom during his first Quidditch match. He wondered as he fell if he had failed Regulus by asking to be placed in Gryffindor rather than the house he knew his brother would enter, thus limiting his ability to care for the boy. Sirius wondered if his parents would miss him, or not notice his absence. When he watched Peter disappear into the sewers and Sirius realized that he would now be blamed for his best friend's death, he wondered how he could have been so blind. Every clue that Peter despised him was suddenly so apparent. He thought of Harry and dreaded his fate as an orphan.

This time, when he heard the pounding and knew he had been found, Sirius felt his life to be more or less in order. Harry knew Sirius cared about him and Remus knew he loved him. They would both wonder what happened, but they knew his true heart and he was happy. Bravely he took a deep breath and watched the doorknob turn. He pointed his wand and waited to see who entered.

The wizard was tall, black and wore robes that indicated his African origins. Long ago Sirius' family had hosted a group of visiting wizards and witches from several African countries and, had he been less distracted, he could have pinpointed the country where these robes had been purchased. The wizard looked at Sirius and held out his hands, letting his wand fall onto the floor. "I'm not here to capture you, Mr. Black. I'm not armed, so I hope you will trust me and let us in."

It was then that Sirius noticed that there were two of them. The person still standing in the hallway was significantly smaller and mostly hidden by the man's robes. A woman, Sirius suspected. He glimpsed a flash of her robe and assumed that the two of them were both Aurors.

"If you're not here to capture me," Sirius said with distrust in his voice, "then what could you possibly be here for?"

"Dumbledore sent us," the man said, extending his hand toward Sirius. "I'm Kingsley Shacklebolt. I work for the Ministry as an Auror, although I'm not always…" Kingsley hesitated and smiled widely, "let's just say, I'm don't always follows rules to their letter."

Sirius laughed and shook the man's hand. "Well, I believe we have that in common."

Kingsley turned to indicate the Auror behind him, "And this is my colleague…" but before he could finish, he heard a gasp and saw the stunned look on Sirius' face.

At first, she appeared exactly as he remembered her. He looked again, harder this time, and noticed that her features were softer, less defined. Her eyelids were not as heavy as he recalled the last time he saw her, but still it was like looking at his own reflection only feminine. Their hair was the same texture, though hers was slightly lighter and much longer. He remembered how she used to straighten it and her sisters' shock at her fall to Muggle fashion and vanity.

He wanted to move towards her, but he felt rooted in place, taking in the sight of her, breathing in the wisps of memory that drifted towards him. "Andromeda," he said softly. Of course, it never occurred to him to seek her out and now he wondered how he could have forgotten her.

But the face of woman who had looked at him first with curiosity, now registered confusion. She shook her head, "I'm sorry. I'm not her. I thought you'd be more comfortable if I looked this way, but I'm not her. I'm…"

"Of course," Sirius cut across, trying to mask his embarrassment over this obvious mistake. Although the resemblance was uncanny, Andromeda could not possibly be this young anymore. He brushed away his words with a wave of his hand. "It was so long ago, I must have mixed up…"

"Her daughter," the woman continued, cutting across Sirius' words.

They stared at each other silently for a few minutes, each trying to find the words that would be appropriate for this strange reunion. It was Kingsley, who spoke. "I take it you know Miss Tonks?"

"We're cousins," Tonks announced as she smiled and offered him her hand. "I'm happy to finally meet my cousin the mass murdering psychopath." Her eyes twinkled as she spoke and it touched Sirius deep inside his heart. It was like seeing a ghost, or, more accurately, a person he once had known.

* * *

"Master Sirius! Master Sirius! It's time to wake up," Eemah called to him, rousing him from a sound sleep. Sirius opened his eyes and groaned. It was still dark out, but it was the morning of Halloween and the entire Black family was meeting that day at their estate in Cornwall. Sirius and Regulus needed to be up early to get a Portkey for travel.

Sirius' parents, Orion and Walburga Black, were cousins who shared the same surname even before marriage. Because of this connection, the number of close relatives seemed even larger than for most other families. Most pure-blood families were related in one way or another, but this truism was doubly so in the Black family.

Despite having many cousins, Sirius and Regulus were closest to the daughters of his mother's brother, Cygnus – Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa. While Cygnus Black's family technically lived on the Cornwall estate, they spent a great deal of time staying at Grimmauld Place due to its London location and because it was the home in which Walburga and Cygnus had grown up. As the girls grew older they found the calm of the country stifling and begged to stay with their aunt, uncle and younger cousins as often as possible. When he was a child, Sirius thought of the girls as if they were his sisters.

The Halloween when he was ten years old was special occasion for Sirius' family. It marked the end of his cousin Bellatrix's religious training. Most members of the Black family, including both of Sirius' parents, had studied the ancient faith traditions after finishing at Hogwarts to become well versed in the ways of old magic. As the eldest sister, Bellatrix was treated as the most responsible and the entire family was very proud that she had followed the path that had been chosen for her. Sirius, however, was skeptical. Among the children, Bellatrix was not viewed as responsible, but calculating, manipulative, and cruel, with a powerful, vindictive temper. Even at his young age, it frightened Sirius to imagine the type of magic that Bellatrix was learning and what someone like her could do with that knowledge.

The four Blacks apparated on top of a tall hill in Cornwall with two House Elves in tow. At once Sirius' mother breathed in the country air, and smiled. It was breezy out and she pushed her loose dark curls away from her eyes where they had blown forward. As she lifted her arm, the sleeve of her black robe fell away, revealing many heavy, silver bracelets that resembled snakes curling up her arms.

"Look boys, they're building the bonfire," Sirius' father said, pointing his sons to where some older boys were placing sticks, logs, and dried stalks of corn. His head was turned so that Sirius could see where his long hair curled at the back of his neck. He and Regulus always found it funny that their father had more hair in the back than in the front, where he had a rather long widow's peak. He wore a long dark cloak that flapped in the wind as if he were a large raven. His pointed hairline did nothing to dissuade that image.

The Blacks and their House Elves began walking down the hill towards the large, ornate home built of black marble. When they entered the house they were immediately surrounded by the chaos of happy relatives and scurrying House Elves. Bellatrix Black, known to her family as Bella, was the focus of much of the attention and she seemed to relish in it. She looked tall, stately, and so much like her Aunt Walburga, although their sharp features and strong jaw line where much more attractive on the older woman, who, overtime, had grown into them. She wore light green robes with a low neckline and an emerald studded pentangle to symbolize her faith. Her dark, thick hair was pulled back in a long plait, but strands of curls had sprung loose and crawled around her high cheekbones like long-legged spiders. Her brown eyes under heavy, hooded lids seemed to dart around the room, searching for loved ones, or, more likely, unwanted intruders.

Suddenly, Bella's face brightened as her eyes fell upon figures entering from the far side of the room. "Sisters!" she called out, her arms rising with joy. "You've arrived!"

Andromeda and Narcissa were smiling as they raced across the room to embrace their sister. Andromeda was two years younger than Bellatrix and in her final year at Hogwarts. Her hair was brown, a shade lighter than her elder sister's, and, while it was naturally wavy, today it hung in flat panels after having recently been straightened. While she resembled Bellatrix, her features were not as harsh and her smile was kind and welcoming.

Narcissa, by contrast, was blond with a fair complexion. Her grey eyes and thin stature gave her the look of a sapling birch. She had an attitude that was either aloof or shy, but because she was so beautiful, few individuals bothered to learn which it was. They were content just to look at her, rather than show any interest in what she had to say. Narcissa was only 5 years older than Sirius and most commonly called by her nickname, Cissy.

It appeared to Sirius that there were hundreds of relatives and friends who had come to the Halloween gathering. At nightfall the fires were lit and, after having consumed much food and wine, the guests put on masks to begin the festival. Some of the participants picked up drums and flutes to play seasonal music and the others danced in celebration to mark the end of the harvest. Sirius hated to dance and he did not know how to play an instrument, so he sat back and watched the mayhem take place before him in the flickering light of the bonfire.

As the night wore on, he grew cold with inactivity, despite the flames that burned brightly before him. Quietly he slipped away from the party and walked back to the house to find a jumper. Bats darted overhead, alighting on the many chimneys as he approached the heavy front door. Once inside his footsteps echoed on the marble staircase as he made his way up to the bedroom he was sharing with Regulus. As he walked down the long hall, he became aware of muffled voices ahead of him. He moved closer and heard the unmistakable shrill of Bellatrix's anger.

"…mudblood!" was the only word that Sirius could make out. He stopped outside her door to listen further.

"Don't use that word!" Andromeda shouted back.

"Do you prefer 'blood-traitor'? Because that's what you'll be if you don't break up with him immediately and find a more suitable boyfriend! Honestly, Dromeda, you aren't a child. You're seventeen and at Beltane it will be your turn to undergo the Rites." There was still contempt in Bella's voice even as she tried to reason with her sister.

Andromeda snorted, "You've got that wrong! There's no way I'm going to lie in a muddy field and shag an old man wearing a mask."

"You make it sound obscene," Bellatrix scolded. "It is a holy ceremony and you should be proud to be among the blessed allowed to grace the fields with her fertility."

"Just like cow dung fertilizer," Andromeda laughed. "I'm sorry, Bella. You can believe what you want. As your sister, I'm proud of you for finishing your training, but I don't want my life to be controlled this way."

Sirius did not hear what they may have said next because he heard Andromeda's footsteps heading for the bedroom door and he quickly moved on to his room, fearful of facing the well-known wrath of Bella, punishment for the crime of eavesdropping. As he pulled his jumper over his head, he looked out the window towards the revelers in the distance. The frenzied beat of the Halloween drums echoed against the panes and the flickering scene of masked dancers in billowing robes before the tall fire looked for the first time to him like drunken madness. Did the Gods really listen? Did the earth even care? Had the Blacks truly been blessed long ago and now their children were required to give back to Them with gifts from their souls and bodies?

The music seemed to grow louder, the bonfire blazed, and the dancers moved with increased fervor as Sirius wondered if his fate had truly been determined by his family or if, like Andromeda, he could chose to abandon it.

* * *

It was another Halloween, 24 years later, when Remus Lupin finally woke up from the sleep of the Wolfsbane potion. "I thought I was dreaming," he smiled as he saw Sirius sitting at the edge of his bed. "But you really are here. Did I miss anything? Did you hear from Harry while I was sleeping?" Remus scanned Sirius' face curiously, wondering what he was thinking.

Sirius approached the bed, anxious to tell all, but not knowing where to start. "There's nothing that can't wait until later, " finally replied. "We have plenty of time to talk."

After they had caught their breaths, dressed, and made their way from the heady aroma of the bedroom to the clear air of the sitting room, Sirius told Remus about Harry's letter and the visit from the Ministry Aurors. "Dumbledore's reading the signs," he told Remus. "He senses that the winds are changing once again and he's lining up his allies."

Remus agreed, "It certainly seems that way." The talked some more about Harry, the latest information from _The Daily Prophet_, and what, if anything, the Dark Lord could be planning.

Sirius soon became aware of a rustle in the hallway. He hushed Remus with his fingers and the two got out their wands. There was a knock at the door, tentative at first, but it seemed to grow stronger with determination. After a quick glace at Sirius, Remus went to the door and opened it a crack to look out. "Can I help you?" he asked the person beyond the threshold who Sirius could not see.

"I came to wish you a Happy Halloween." said a now familiar voice. Sirius smiled and approached the door as he heard her continue. "I brought treats. You must be Lupin. May I come in?"

Tonks was carrying a basket filled with seasonal fruits, vegetables, and some household staples like tea and biscuits. "My mum's not much for the whole tradition of giving candy for Halloween. She tends to give out more practical items, such as these," she told them, when Remus thanked her for the gift. "I seem to be following her example."

Sirius laughed, "It's an old family custom to recognize the end of the Harvest Season." But to prevent himself from having to answer any difficult questions about his family, he changed the subject to discussing Tonk's hair color, which was bright red.

The three of them sat in Remus' sitting room and enjoying the food Tonks had brought them. In her company, Sirius remembered how much he missed women. Men were so different – quiet, controlled; whereas, women were more welcoming, always inviting others into their conversation and friendship. He watched Tonks' face as she spoke to them noting how animated she looked when she smiled and how full and sensuous her lips were when she bit into the soft, white flesh of a pear. Her hair color seemed to bring out the pink flush of her high-boned cheeks and he found her familial bearing oddly comforting. But beyond the family resemblance, he recognized something else in her appearance that was also exceedingly familiar: lust.

Are people lovely because we love them, or does our love ripen and beautify their presence? Sirius looked from Tonks to the object of her desire. Remus was an ordinary looking man and the lines in his face and grey hairs made him even more so. There was nothing particularly handsome about his appearance, but with the shadow and hunger of the wolf still lingering near, he glowed with an earthy sensuality. The pheromones of love floated the air, tickling the nose of the young woman, igniting a passion deep inside her, as they also wafted towards Sirius, pulling his mind away from the conversation to thoughts of his lovers, past and present.

He still heard Tonk's laughter and listened to Remus' words, but in his mind he felt himself drift away from the warmth of the small sitting room, back to the girl who, for so many years, had filled his fantasies. He saw her as he always did - reclining in the barren field, her naked body lit silver by the moon, her knees at pointed up towards heaven and then falling softly away to her sides as she opened herself to the fecundity of spring.

_To readers and reviewers: Several reviewers wrote that they enjoyed the Sirius and James scenes and the descriptions of the Black's religion. There will be more of those, so I hope you will keep reading! Thank you everyone who had taken the time to write a review. They mean a lot to me._


	6. The Day of Blood

**6. The Day of Blood**

_This chapter begins on November 1, 1970_

Sirius woke on the morning after the Halloween bonfire with a sharp pain in his side. It took him a moment to realize that Regulus had climbed into the narrow bed with him during the night and the sudden pain he felt was Regulus' elbow in his ribcage. Regulus was prone to nightmares, so it was really no surprise to Sirius that the masked dancers from the previous night had brought about another terror, causing Regulus to seek solace from his older brother.

Once awake, the aroma of bacon and sausages frying in the distant kitchen enticed Sirius from the warm bed and into the cool November air of the old house. He dressed quickly and sped down the stairs in search of food. When he reached the sunny breakfast room he saw that his mother, Bella, and his Aunt Druella were already in there drinking tea and speaking in French.

"Bonjour, mon cheri," his mother greeted him with excessive cheeriness. "Comment tu va?" For someone who must have stayed up most of the night, Walburga Black looked surprisingly wide awake and fresh. Her hair was loose and flowed over her shoulders in dark waves. She wore an ivory satin dressing gown that crossed in the front creating a triangle of cleavage between her breasts. While she wore no jewelry this morning, her face was carefully made up with kohl-lined eyes and shaded lids. Her lipstick was deep red and matched the long fingernails that wrapped around her teacup.

"Good morning," Sirius replied in English. He had been studying French with his tutor for a while, but he was too tired to make the effort that morning and too grumpy to listen to the chidings of Bella if he made a mistake in pronunciation or grammar.

"Did you enjoy the festival last night?" his aunt asked him also in English. Druella also wore a dressing gown, but it was black and more modest than the one worn by her sister-in-law. Her face had the round, warm quality of her daughter, Andromeda, and, although not as fair as Narcissa, her hair was golden-blond and wrapped high on her head in an elaborate bun.

Sirius nodded and went about eating the toast and bacon that a House Elf had just served him.

Realizing that he wasn't much for conversation that morning, the women resumed speaking to each other in French. Sirius heard the words "sang pur" (pure blood) and knew they were talking about Bella's latest boyfriend. As he ate, he thought about the conversation he had overheard between his two cousins the night before and wondered if Bella had already exposed her sister's secrets or if she was waiting for an opportunity to divulge that information when it would bring about the most attention for her and wrath upon Andromeda.

"Uncle Orion says I can accompany him to Knockturn Alley this afternoon," Bella announced in English. Unlike the two older women, Bella was fully dressed in traditional blood-red robes and looked ready to start the day. Her hair was tied back from her face with a red ribbon and hung down her back in a black river of curls. Her make up was more subdued than her aunt's, but still emphasized her strong, not entirely attractive, features.

Siriius assumed that her sudden switch from French was an effort to provoke his envy, so he tried not to rise to her bait. "Why is Dad going to Knockturn Alley?" he asked with careful nonchalance. "He doesn't have to work today, does he?"

"No, darling," his mother responded, running her red nails through her dark hair. "He's fetching Violette for the feast tonight."

The day after Halloween was called The Day of Blood. It was tradition on this day, half-way between the beginning of autumn and the first day of winter, to slaughter any animals determined too old or weak to make it through a harsh winter. Deer in the estate forest were also culled and the largest stag was served at the evening feast. In the oldest of traditions, the blood of the stag was drunk with the meal, but over the years the tradition changed so that the guests would drink wine and a vampire would join them to drink the blood. Violette was a young woman who lived on Knockturn Alley in one of the Black family properties. She was also a vampire.

When Sirius finished breakfast he excused himself from the table and wandered into the library. It was his favorite room in the Cornwall house. This was not because he was such a great reader, he wasn't, for he lacked the patience to sit still very long. Instead, he liked the room for its dark paneled walls and stained glass windows, which, when sunny, allowed colorful shapes to play along the polished wooden floors.

As he entered the room he realized he was not alone. Andromeda sat on one of the window seats. Her legs were stretched out in front of her and her robe was drawn up to her knees, revealing bell-bottomed jeans underneath. Her feet were bare and her hair hung straight, nearly hiding her face. At first he thought he saw the grey fog of ghost with her, but then he realized she was smoking a cigarette.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a low tone of conspiracy. Andromeda was his favorite cousin. Unlike Bella, who was short-tempered, and Cissy, who was inclined to ignore him, Andromeda was good humored and, like Sirius, tended to enjoy shocking and troubling her parents. Muggle-style clothing was not permitted in the Black household and Sirius knew that wearing jeans, even underneath her robes, would be cause for punishment if caught. He could only guess the consequences of smoking.

"What does it look like?" she responded rhetorically, smiling devilishly at him. "Having a smoke." She pulled her knees up so that there was more room on the window seat and gestured for him to join her.

Together they looked out a clear pane of glass into the distance where the remnants of the previous night's bonfire still smoldered.

"I can't wait until this bloody holiday is over," Andromda said wistfully as she exhaled a plume of acrid smoke. "Do you know that practically no one else at Hogwarts celebrates The Day of Blood? Muggle-borns of course don't, but it's pretty rare to find a pure-blood who does as well."

"Mother says that's what makes us special," Sirius told her, trying not to let Andromeda see that her smoke bothered him.

She snorted, "It makes us freaks!" Andromeda shook her head and inhaled from her cigarette. "You'll see when you go to school next year," she exhaled after a moment. "It's not like this."

The two cousins sat together quietly, each lost in his and her own thoughts, watching the distant embers slowly burn themselves out. When she finished her cigarette she opened the window, threw the butt out, and then lit another with her wand. This seemed to lighten the mood between them and she entertained Sirius by making smoke rings and enchanting the smoke with her wand into shapes of dragons. When they heard footsteps coming closer she threw the lit cigarette out the window and, giggling together, they waved the arms of their robes wildly to disperse the smoke from the room, hiding their shared act of defiance.

The day grew grey and threatened storms as the clock progressed toward evening. Sirius and Regulus were in the front garden playing one-on-one Quidditch when their father and Bella aparated nearby with Violette between them. The boys stopped their game to gape at the vampire. Her appearance was frightening. She was rail thin with white, translucent skin. Her hollow cheeks and sunken black eyes were framed with stringy blue-black hair. Her lips were grey, and she wore a filmy, white robe that hung off her skeletal shoulders, over her flat, formless chest, pooling on the ground like stagnant water. Next to the robust figures of Orion and Bella Black, both in their blood-red holiday robes, she looked as dead as one of the pale, dry leaves that circled around them in the wind.

As the trio made their way towards the front door a strong gust blew down from the thick clouds above them, causing the waif-life woman to stumble. Sirius saw Bella reach out and steady her with both hands. Bella's hands remained on Violette's shoulders while her uncle opened the door and let the pair pass into the house.

At the feast Sirius sat between Andromeda and Regulus. The table was large to accommodate all the family members who stayed to celebrate the holiday. As was custom, they all wore red robes in celebration of The Day of Blood, except for Violette, whose white robe more starkly matched her pallor in the well-lit dining room. She sat at the head of the table and her emaciated frame seemed to sink into the dark velvet cushion of her chair. Bella sat on her right and rose to make the traditional blessing. Before anyone was allowed to eat, a House Elf filled Violette's goblet from a pitcher of stag's blood and she drank. Once her glass was empty, the others began to eat while her goblet was refilled.

The storm that had threatened all afternoon finally broke and a fierce wind brought rain, heavy against the windows. But inside Sirius felt warm and safe among the familiar faces, the joyous holiday mood, and the tantalizing smell of roast venison.

"That is disgusting," Andromeda said quietly in his ear and nodding toward the head of the table. "Look at her!"

Sirius was well into his first course, but he followed his cousin's gaze to the vampire. She looked remarkably different than she had at the beginning of the meal. Her formerly lank hair now had body and her eyes were no longer sunken. Her cheeks seemed to have filled in and Sirius noticed a faint flush on them as she held out her glass to be filled once again by the House Elf beside her. "What's wrong with her?" he asked Andromeda, confused by what she meant. To him, Violette looked fine and, for the first time, human.

"She's flirting with all the men!" Andromeda exclaimed in a slightly louder voice.

Sirius looked around the table and saw that the men had indeed turned their attention to Violette. She talked and laughed for the first time since arriving. Her once pale lips were now full and red, and the light material of her robe showed the unmistakable swell of breasts. She had transformed into a lovely woman and, for a moment, he found himself mesmerized by her image. "Not you, too!" Andromeda said loudly, stabbing him playfully with her fork and bringing him back to reality.

* * *

Sirius didn't know how long he had been asleep that night when Regulus woke him. "Sirius!" Regulus whispered loudly. "Sirius, wake up!"

"What is it?" Sirius groaned turning over. He looked up at Regulus' face as Regulus quickly bounced up and down next to the bed. "So GO! Why are you waking me?"

"Can you come with me? I'm afraid to walk to the bathroom by myself," Regulus pleaded.

Sirius sighed and pushed back the bedclothes. The storm was still raging outside and rain lashed at the windows. He put on his dressing gown and followed his brother down the hallway.

While he waited for Regulus outside the bathroom, he heard laughter from the partially open door of a nearby bedroom. He walked quietly over to investigate. Inside the room was lit by candles, casting pale, pink light over the figures of Bellatrix and Violette. They were standing close together and Bella was unfastening Violette's white robe. She pushed the filmy fabric off the vampire's white shoulders, revealing round, porcelain breasts that tapered to red nipples, pointed like blood-dipped talons.

"Beautiful," Bella breathed, taking the full breasts into her hands and rolling the nipples between her thumbs and forefingers.

They kissed and Violette pushed off Bella's outer robe. Her hands worked the lacing on the bodice of Bella's under dress. When she loosened the ties, she reached out and touched her lover with both hands. She pulled back from Bella's kiss and smiled at the bounty she held before her. "The living are so warm," she moaned. Bellatrix passed her long tongue over Violette's lips, letting out a low rumble of laughter as if enjoying a private amusement. They kissed again, hungrier and deeper this time as their breasts touched, white flesh molding together.

Sirius heard the handle of the bathroom door and turned back to meet his brother. As he lay in bed that night, unable to return to sleep, he thought about Bella and the vampire. Did his cousin really like kissing a girl? Had she gone into the bedroom expecting something else, which is why the door was still open? Or had she left it open purposely in hope that one of the men seeking the same pleasure would find them and admire her power in possessing the creature they all desired? Did she want all to know that it was she, Bella, who kissed the lips of the one who drank the stag's blood?

* * *

Ten years later, on the very same date, Sirius stood next to his best friend in a small church, holding his godchild in his arms.

"The Day of Blood?" he had asked James and Lily half-joking months before when they told him that they had chosen the first of November for the ceremony. "Aren't you afraid that's a bad omen?"

"Honestly Padfoot," Lily chided him with mirth in her voice. "I can't believe you would bring up that old superstition."

James spoke up for Sirius, defending him immediately to his young wife. "I don't see how the ways of the old religion are any more superstitious than the idea that pouring water on an infant's head saves him from eternal damnation."

Lily's face darkened. "I'm sorry, Padfoot. I didn't remember..."

Sirius waved away her embarrassment and smiled. "It's nothing. No need to apologize. You're right – it's just an old superstition that should just as well be forgotten." But in his mind he pictured Violette and how her body had become alive with the blood of the stag.

Later on, when it was dark, Sirius and James sat out on the porch of James' house with a bottle of firewhiskey. The village of Godric's Hollow was quiet and the only sound they could hear was the clinking of the bottle as James poured them each a glass. "Thank you," he said to Sirius, as he handed him the drink.

"For what?" Sirius answered, accepting the glass and making a quick motion of a toast toward James.

"For agreeing to be Harry's godfather. I know it is not your faith…"

"I don't have a faith," Sirius cut across. Then he added, more softly, "You are my faith, Prongs. Your family, your son, that is all I believe in."

He could see James' subdued smile in the low candlelight. "Do you remember when we first met?" he asked Sirius.

"Of course," Sirius answered, smiling at the memory. "It was in Diagon Alley, right before we started at Hogwarts. We were with our mothers, shopping for school supplies."

"When I was young," James began and it appeared at first to Sirus that his friend had changed the subject. "I believed that I had a brother. I believed that he was somewhere and my parents had forgotten to tell me about him. Maybe he was older, I told myself, and had been away at school for so long that my parents had forgotten about him."

Sirius laughed at what he suspected was James' amusing story, but James did not laugh.

"I know it seems silly," he continued. "But I knew that someday I would find him and I would know him. I would see him and say 'There he is. There is my brother.'" James shifted and drained his glass. "And that is what I thought when I saw you in Diagon Alley. 'I have found my brother and he has found me.'"

Sirius felt a lump in his throat. He, too, remembered the connection he had felt that day, the connection that returned again when he reunited with James on the train to Hogwarts, the connection that caused him to beg the Sorting Hat to place him in Gryffindor, away from his family's past, alongside James. He feared his voice would break if he told this to James, so he remained silent.

"Of course, when I realized that you already had a brother and saw that he looked so much like you, I knew we weren't really brothers." James shrugged. "We're probably not even related and that's saying a lot for pure bloods." They both chuckled, trying to relieve the tension of intimacy this conversation had dropped between them like a silk sheet, softly fluttering, begging to be touched.

"But I also realized then that we didn't need blood between us. We were best friends and that, THAT, is a choice and it's just as meaningful, perhaps even more meaningful, than blood."

James picked the bottle off the floor, refilled his glass and then refilled Sirius'. "That is why it is so important for me that you are Harry's godfather. This tradition means nothing to me beyond that it is important to Lily. But having you there is a way that I can tell my son in action, not just words, that you are and always will be my best friend."

He held up his glass and faced Sirius. Sirius picked up his own and looked at James. Their eyes met and Sirius saw deep within his friend. He hoped that James, too, could see within him and know the words he longed to say, but did not have the courage to utter. Without breaking their gaze, they clinked glasses and drank a silent toast to their strong and enduring friendship.

When the day came about, Sirius stood on the altar with James and Lily reciting the words as the vicar instructed him. He silently questioned the concept of original sin as he looked down at the baby in his arms and wondered how the love that had brought about this child's conception could be considered by any culture, any faith, to be sinful. His eyes were then drawn to Remus who sat in a pew in the front row and the mixed emotions of love and sin stirred within him as he wondered if sin could even exist in the presence of love.

When the ceremony ended, the crowd dispersed out into the churchyard. Lily spoke with the vicar, leaving Sirius and James alone on the now desserted alter.

"I need one more favor," James whispered to Sirius, who still held Harry, asleep in his arms.

"Anything," Sirius answered him, smiling at his godson and then up at his friend.

"Say the old blessing. You know the one I mean. The one that was on the old calendar wheel in my parents' house." He looked around quickly to ensure that they were still alone. "And don't say you don't know it anymore because I know you do," he said to Sirius' attempt at a protest. "Please, say it for Harry."

Sirius looked around them. The bright autumn sun shone low through the stained glass windows, bathing the two men and the child in bright, otherworldly colors. He held up the baby so that his face was level with theirs. He cleared his throat and said quietly, "Listen to the hallows of the Earth and She will guide you. Watch with the eyes of stars and you will know His path. And with Them you will know strength, goodness, and love."

"Thank you," James said, taking his son from Sirius' outstretched hands. He placed the child on his shoulder and patted his small, firm back. He looked at Sirius and Sirius saw in his friend's hazel eyes the embers of a faith that he himself never fully understood. "Those words mean so much to me. Every time I hear the old blessing I feel them touch me in a place deep within my soul."

A year later, James was dead.

_To readers and reviewers: Thank you everyone who has taken the time to write a review or send a PM. Thanks to everyone who reads this story and thanks to those who have marked it a favorite and requested an alert. I have gotten some question on the last chapter as to who it was that Sirius imagines in the field. It could be a real person, just a fantasy, Sirius' vision of the Earth Goddess, or something else entirely, but it will be answered in an upcoming chapter. I hope you will keep reading to find out!_


	7. Nature's Nobility

_A/N: In OOTP, a book entitled _Nature's Nobility: a Wizarding Genealogy _is in the sitting room of the Black's house at Grimmauld Place._

**7. Nature's Nobility**

Is there anything I can get for you?" Tonks asked him as she fastened her cloak and readied to leave Remus' flat. She fallen into the habit of stopping in several nights a week and Sirius had gotten used to her cheery presence. She always passed along any tidbits of information she had regarding Hogwarts or Harry and was eager to be of more help. "Is there anything you need?"

"Yes," Sirius said, glancing at the kitchen table where his latest letter from Harry, telling Sirius about the Triwizard Tournament, lay open and smudged from his reading and rereading its contents. "I need to talk to Harry. Could you arrange that?"

Tonks nodded and Sirius could see in her twinkling eyes that she was calculating ways of working this out. "Would a fireplace work?" Sirius told her it would. "I'll see what I can do," she told him with determination. It was when she was like this, mischievous and positive, that he knew they were of the same blood.

"So, your cousin seems to like spending time with you," Remus said to him as he closed the door behind her.

Sirius didn't answer right away. It was his observation that it was actually Remus who Tonks enjoyed spending time with, but to bring that up would lead to the question of whether or not they should tell her about their relationship. It was not that he was ashamed. At least, he didn't think so, but every time he imagined himself telling her, the words sounded flat and indecent. He couldn't hear himself telling her "Remus and I are lovers," or "Remus and I share his bed," and "I am in love with Remus" seemed too personal to confess to someone he barely knew. On the first day she had come to the flat, Sirius had blankets and a pillow on the couch. He let her draw her own conclusion and kept silent on the truth.

"Not that I mind," Remus added. "You probably get tired of seeing only me every day. And she is quite entertaining." Tonks always had funny stories about her work as an Auror, which kept them both laughing during her visits.

Sirius snorted, "Father would turn over in his grave if he knew his grand-niece was an Auror. 'I don't know how the Ministry can justify the persecution of a religious minority' he always said about the way Aurors went after Dark Arts practitioners with such ruthlessness."

"Hmm," Remus said thoughtfully. "As a former teacher of Defence against the Dark Arts, I read how many of those practices were integrated into the old religion. I never thought of the suppression of Dark Arts as suppression of religious practices, but I guess it could be looked at that way by some."

"Only by those who want to justify their right to do evil," Sirius snapped. He didn't want to discuss his family's attitude towards the Dark Arts with Remus right then. He didn't want to ruin the positive mood he was in after the evening with Tonks they had just enjoyed and her promise of finding him a way to talk to Harry.

Remus felt the same way and shrugged off Sirius' sudden anger. "Well, in any case, Tonks is much more pleasant than your other cousin, who I got to know all too well last year."

Sirius looked at him curiously, "Who?"

"Draco Malfoy," Remus told him. And when Sirius' face remained blank he added, "Narcissa's son."

"Really?" Sirius asked, trying not to sound too interested while he fought the shock of learning that Cissy had a son. "What's he like?"

"Well, he's in the same year as Harry and they hate one another," Remus told him. "But in personality, he is a lot like Regulus was at that age."

Sirius smirked. "I'm not surprised by either."

* * *

Sirius was in the sitting room playing a solitary game of Witches' Dice, when his mother pushed open the double doors and entered the room with determination, her brother Cynus in her wake. "They are not and I'll prove it to you!" she was saying with certain authority. Walburga and Cygnus had always shared a close bond and it had not lessened with their respective marriages.

She still had on her Wizengamot robes, but she quickly unfastened them as she strode across the floor and threw them over an armchair. Underneath she wore a black wool dress that hugged her substantial curves as if it had been charmed there (it probably was.) The dress had a scooped neckline and a very low back, so that her individual vertebrae were visible, like a snake that had swallowed several mice. The sleeves only went three-quarters of the way down her arms, emphasizing the beaded bracelet made from the black teeth of an exotic magical creature her husband had hunted and killed. Her hair was piled in a chignon on the back of her head and held in place by a long dragon's fang, although thin strands escaped down the back of her long, white neck. She wore large diamond earrings and a matching pentangle.

Whe she reached the bookshelf she stopped and examined its contents, tapping the spiked heal of her shoe as she did so. "Sirius," she said without turning around. "It's polite to greet your mother when she enters a room."

Sirius muttered a greeting and his uncle turned around and smiled at him, as if he understood what it was like to be a boy chastised by his mother. Sirius thought Uncle Cygnus might say something, but his mother spoke instead.

"Here it is," She exclaimed finally and reached up towards a large, leather bound book. "Now, dear brother, prepare to be humbled!" She smiled at Cygnus as she teased him and dropped the book on the desk with a large bang.

A cloud of dust arose from the tome as it settled on the desk and Cygnus coughed. "Whose job is it to dust in here? Kreacher?" he asked, waving his hands to clear the air.

"No," his sister replied with a sigh. "It's Zaydie's. Poor old thing, he's begging to be beheaded so that he can join his ancestors in the stairwell, but I just don't have the heart to do it. He's been with us for so long, I don't know how I'll replace him when he's gone."

"Well, maybe you don't need that many House Elves. The boys will be going to school soon. Perhaps you can reassign Eemah to do some of the dusting. Sirius and Regulus are getting too old for a nanny anyhow." Cygnus suggested.

Sirius' mother sighed again and shook her head, as if she were able to shake away the sadness that awaited her in her future. "Perhaps," she reluctantly agreed as she rubbed her brother's arm with sisterly gratitude. The moment of reflection passed and she turned her attention to the book. "Back to business," she told her brother, without any lingering sentimentality as her free hand flipped through the yellowed pages. "There, Look. Mudblood, Mudblood, Mudblood," she said as she tapped her finger on the offending page. "_Nature's Nobility _is very accurate. The McNairs are half-bloods."

Sirius watched as his uncle conjured half-moon reading spectacles from the air and put them on his nose. He bent down next to his sister to examine the page in front of them. "Well, that's too bad," he said with disappointment in his voice. "I thought their son would make a great match with Bella."

"Well, don't worry," his sister told him with a reassuring smile. "There are other contenders. Now that we have the book out, let's see who they are." She turned the page and the old parchment made a light crinkling noise.

"Contenders?" laughed Cygnus. "Walbie, you are one of the few women I know who talks about love as if it were a competitive sport."

"Love has nothing to do with it," Walburga reminded him. "Love can be easily manufactured with potions and spells. Even sexual chemistry is just that: chemistry. Any decent practitioner in Knockturn Ally can put together the right ingredients to ensure that one has the most mind blowing …"

Uncle Cynus interrupted her by clearing his throat noisily and nodding towards Sirius. Walburga Black turned around and for the first time looked at her son. Sirius looked down at his dice, pretending to be very interested in them. "Well, anyway…" his mother said, turning back to her brother. "My point is that what matters is blood. You remember what Father always told us: "it only takes a goblet of Muggle blood to weaken our power and break our sacred covenant with the gods.' Oh here," she said suddenly, pointing to another page. "What about the Malfoys? They have sons, don't they?"

But before Cygnus could answer there was a loud explosion that rocked the house. "Merlin's Beard, what was that?" he asked.

"Oh, no!" Sirius' mother breathed with exasperation. "That must be Orion's Uncle Lazarus. He's been staying with us for the past month. He's practically senile, but he likes to do experiments in the basement. I hope he didn't destroy the wine cellar this time." She spun around on her heals and headed for the door. "You better come along, Cygnus. I may need you to calm the old man down."

After Sirius watched them leave the room, he walked over to the desk. Slowly he turned the brittle pages of _Nature's Nobility: a Wizarding Genealogy_, glancing at the colorful family crests and spidery family trees. "She is in here," he thought to himself. "The one I will marry is somewhere in these pages." But somehow he didn't see it happening. Maybe it was a premonition of things to come, or maybe he was just too young to imagine ever wanting to find a wife. But most likely it was that, even at a young age, Sirius could not see himself following the strict instructions of unseen gods and goddesses, surrendering his fate to their version of his destiny.

* * *

Remus did not bring up Draco Malfoy again, but over the next few days Sirius found himself thinking of the boy, a cousin he had never met. Cissy and Regulus were both the youngest sibling in their respective families. They both grew up under the shadow of the strong-willed personality of an elder sibling. Regulus tried to come into his own at Hogwarts by befriending a group of Slytherin boys, who were impressed by his connections and his knowledge of the Dark Arts. Was this what Cissy's son was like?

The fact that Cissy had married a Malfoy didn't surprise him either, but he wondered if she had entered into her marriage by choice, or had she, as he felt Regulus was doing when he joined the Death Eaters, gone to her destiny with characteristic fatalism and, perhaps, the hope for a chance at finally achieving respect.

_To Readers and Reviewers: If you review this story, you may see that I try to incorporate your comments into the plot. So if you're not reviewing and want to see a specific character develop or an unanswered questioned explained, then review, review, review! Thank you Everyone!_


	8. The Witch Princess

_A/N: I've forgotten to mention in the last 7 chapters that I don't own these character, but you probably know that already._

_I PROMISE this will be the last you'll see of Tonks in this story. She is necessary here to set up the action from the past. Yes, this is directed to you, Julie._

**8. The Witch Princess**

When the day arrived, Tonks gave them the address of the house she had found for them and they apparated on the door step, just before one in the morning. Remus unlocked the door with a complex spell. Inside the house was cold and dark. Sirius led the way to the fireplace with the light from his wand. He knelt before the hearth, conjured a fire, then murmured the incantation to take his image to the Gryffindor common room.

For the first time since meeting him, Harry seemed upset. He poured his soul out to Sirius and Sirius listened intently, experiencing vividly once again the pain and angst of being young with little control over friendships and environment, although the upcoming task added to Harry's distress. While they spoke, Remus waited just beyond the sitting room, keeping watch in case the family who lived in the house returned.

After his talk with Harry came to an abrupt end, Sirius and Remus apparated back to the flat where Tonks was waiting. "How did it go?" she asked and then listened as Sirius told her how overwhelmed Harry was with the Triwizard Tournament. Tonks sighed and touched Sirius' hand, "Send an owl to Dumbledore if you are concerned. Otherwise, just be confident that he would never let anything bad happen to Harry." She smiled at him and Sirius knew she was right.

"Tonks," he said to her as she rose to leave. "I'll be leaving here soon and there is one thing I would like to do before I go. Could you arrange for me to see your mother?"

Sirius watched as the smile disappeared from her face. Her hair was pink that day and her cheeks flushed to match her hair color as she turned her eyes away from him. "I'm sorry, Sirius. My mother," she stopped suddenly, as if searching for the right words. "My mother doesn't believe you are innocent."

"Why not?" Remus asked indignantly. "Haven't you told her how Sirius could not have arranged for his best friend's death? Your mother knew Sirius all her life. I would think she would understand that he was incapable of such treachery!"

Sirius remained stunned. He looked from Remus to Tonks, who still refused to look at him.

Tonks directed her answer to Remus. "Of course I told her, but she thinks I'm naïve to believe him. She thinks that Sirius must have been working as a traitor because he went back to Grimmauld Place right before Voldemort fell."

"Back to Grimmauld Place? Why would she think that?" Remus' voice was raised in anger.

"Because her sister told her - my aunt, Narcissa Malfoy."

* * *

When Tonks was eight years old, she sensed that things were changing around her. Witches and wizards seemed to gather more often and in private. Her parents seemed tense, although they denied that anything was wrong when she asked them. Suddenly Andromeda began inviting witches over for tea while their children played together, which in itself made Tonks suspicious. As a rule, Andromeda kept to herself, so it seemed unusual for her to seek out friendships and engage in nervous, whispered chatter. But when an unknown, blonde witch arrived at their front door in late October, she saw Andromeda's quiet deceptions crash around them.

Tonks had just gotten home from school when she answered to doorbell to see three very unusual people on her doorstep. The tallest was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. The witch had pale blond hair that flowed out from where it was partially covered with the fur trimmed hood of a white wool traveling cloak. Her eyes grey and, when they met Tonk's, they flashed with surprise and then, shockingly to her, recognition. Tonks was at the age when she voraciously read fairy tales and she was sure she was looking at a princess.

The second individual was a sharp contrast to the tall, princess-like witch. Tonks had never seen a House Elf before and, if she hadn't been so overcome by the beauty of the figure in white, she would have silently gawked at the small, strange figure with tennis ball eyes dressed in a dirty towel. The third person on the step was a sleeping baby, held in the arms of the House Elf, nearly overtaking her miniature body.

"Is your mother home?" the witch asked finally in a voice that was sweet, but commanding. She looked down over her nose at Tonks in the same manner as Andromeda was accustomed to doing when Tonks misbehaved.

Unable to speak as she took in the sight, Tonks nodded.

"May I come in? I need to speak with her." The witch spoke with urgency and Tonks, still shaken at the strange sight, was about to let her cross the threshold before she remembered the rule that guests must identify themselves before being allowed into the house.

"Who can I say is calling?" she asked politely, happy to have finally found her voice.

"Her sister," the witch said, without expression as she walked in, motioning the House Elf to follow her. "Your Aunt Narcissa."

When Tonks entered primary school she learned right away that her mother was not like other mothers, although she could never determine exactly what made her different. It wasn't because she was a witch. The Tonks family lived in a mixed neighborhood and there were other children from wizarding families in her school with whom she had played. But even the witch mothers seemed different than Andromeda.

"Why don't you ever clean?" she asked her mother once after she returned from visiting a school friend. "Don't you know any spells?"

Andromeda shrugged, "I didn't know it was important to you."

Tonks felt guilty having brought it up. Neither she nor her father cared much for a clean house. But the next day she returned home from school to find that her mother had purchased a book of housekeeping spells and had learned them all. The house sparkled for the first time in Tonk's memory. Maybe her mother was not the neatest witch to begin with, but she certainly was the most powerful. She was powerful enough to have mastered an entire book of spells in one day. "It was easy," Andromeda told her. "When I was not much older than you I knew spells that were far more complex."

Another odd thing about her mother was that Andromeda never spoke of her childhood. Sometimes small bits of information slipped out unintentionally. Andromeda claimed to have no family, but she kept a photograph of five children on a shelf in their sitting room. When Tonks asked who they were, her mother said that she didn't remember their names, and when Tonks pushed, Andromeda grew uncomfortable and removed the photo. Eventually, it came back to the shelf, but Tonks didn't ask again. Instead she examined it when she was alone, staring at the three girls and two little boys who waved at her and jostled each other with apparent good nature. One of the girls was obviously Andromeda and another looked a lot like her, although darker and more solemn. The other girl was pretty and had blond hair that Tonks metamorphosed a few times when she wanted to look lovely, rather than interesting. The two boys had dark hair and she suspected one of them was named Sirius, since her mother used his name once or twice when caught off guard, as in "Sirius used to play that game when he was your age."

Now faced with this pretty blond woman who claimed to be her aunt, Tonks was reminded of the blonde girl in the photo and wondered if the other children were also Andromeda's sister and brothers.

If Andromeda was shocked to see the sister she had claimed not to have, she didn't show it. Narcissa approached her and kissed her on both cheeks. Andromeda closed her eyes and Tonks could not tell if she was deeply touched or repelled by the act. It was equally surprising to Tonks that the House Elf also knew her mother and bowed to "Miss Andromeda" when she entered. Likewise, Andromeda knew the House Elf by name. "It's good to see you, Mamie," she said to the House Elf, ignoring the sister who stood right in front of her.

"This is my son, Draco," Narcissa told them, gesturing to the baby who was stirring in the House Elf's arms. "He's a year and a half now."

Andromeda looked at the bundled form and for the first time addressed Narcissa. "He is a lovely boy," she offered, but a smile did not appear on her lips as she did so.

"Yes," Narcissa agreed and she nodded towards Tonks. "I can see that we have both been blessed with beautiful children."

Tonks felt herself reel after hearing the compliment, but Andromeda was unmoved. "Why are you here?" she asked in a businesslike tone, straightening herself to full height. "I know it is not to admire my family or have me admire yours."

Narcissa looked at her sister and smiled. Tonks still found herself quite disarmed by the woman's beauty, but Andromeda seemed unaffected, staring back with hard, cold eyes.

As if knowing this standoff needed to be broken, the baby began to cry. The House Elf shifted him on her shoulder and patted his back. "Master Draco needs his bottle, Mistress Malfoy," she told them and then conjured a bottle with her free hand.

"Mamie, Miss Nymphadora will show you to her room so you can attend to him," Andromeda ordered in a regal tone that Tonks had never heard. "'Mistress Malfoy' and I," the regal tone grew mocking as she said her sister's name, "will have a conversation while you do so."

It was unlike Tonks to follow her mother's requests without asking for an explanation, but this time she did so silently. The House Elf followed her into her bedroom and took a seat on the rocking chair. Not knowing what to do next, Tonks returned to the hallway to find that her mother had closed the double doors to the sitting room. She knelt on the floor and peered through the keyhole.

Narcissa had taken off her cloak and placed it on the back of a chair. She wore a white robe that swept like a satin gown when she walked. It had a sweetheart neckline that drifted low on her small bust. Her collar bone and breastbones were visible on her thin frame, giving her an almost fragile look, yet her tone indicated she was anything but breakable. "You have a lovely home," she said definitively, as she took a seat on the armchair across from Andromeda, who sat on the sofa.

"I'm sure it's nothing compared to the Malfoy Manor," Andromeda smirked. "So you married Lucius…at least one daughter made our father proud." Her tone was sarcastic.

Narcissa smiled, but did not jump at her sister's bait. "Lucius and I have been happy together, and now we are thrilled to have Draco. As far as Malfoy Manor goes, yes, it is grand, but it is not as large or as impressive as where we grew up. Bella lives in the Black Estate now. She is married, too."

Tonks' imagination ran wild with the unfamiliar names and places called "Malfoy Manor" and "Black Estate." Was this why her mother so different, she wondered? Was Andromeda also a princess?

Narcissa shifted in the chair, moving to the edge so that she could be closer to her sister. "Dromeda, I have something very important to tell you. As you can imagine, Lucius is very well connected and I know that this war is not going well for those who oppose the Dark Lord. Lucius says that the Dark Lord has a plan and the war will be won very soon. I'm here because I'm afraid for you. I want to offer you sanctuary."

Andromeda looked back at her sister, narrowing her eyes. While not as striking as her sister, Andromeda had soft, attractive features and the long, light brown hair that she once straightened had been cut to shoulder length curls. Still, Tonks saw for the first time that her mother carried herself in a manner similar to Aunt Narcissa; that the qualities and actions that set Andromeda apart from others were magnified in her aunt.

With the swoop of a long finger, Andromeda hooked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Why? Why after so much time?"

"Why? Because you are my sister and I love you. Things haven't been the same in the family since everyone left. First you left, then Sirius, then Regulus died. Yes," Narcissa said to Andromeda shocked gasp. "Regulus will never come back, but you can. Sirius will as well."

"I can't see Sirius turning around and agreeing with Aunt Walbie," Andromeda snorted in disbelief.

"He knows the time has come," Narcissa told her. "He knows their side has lost. He went to Grimmauld Place to see her yesterday."

"And she took him in?" Andromeda asked with amazement.

"No. Aunt Walbie knows Sirius well and knew if she made it too easy for him, he'd just leave again the next time the disagreed. She wants him to beg; to be broken enough to believe in our side." Narcissa shook her head. "You remember how Aunt Walbie can be. I'm don't always agree with her ways, but she seems to know what she's doing. He'll be back, though. She says he wants something from her. Something so important to him, that he will surrender to her wishes."

The two women sat silently for a few moments. Narcissa's eyes did not move from her sister's face as Andromeda looked down, carefully considering what she had been offered.

"I miss everyone, too," she whispered finally. "Not a day goes by that I don't remember how it once was. How we were once so happy."

Narcissa moved from the armchair to the sofa and took a seat at her sister's side, grasping her hands. "Now that I have my son, it seems even more necessary that we reunite. I want him to know his cousins just as Sirius and Regulus knew us."

Andromeda smiled and, for the first time looked into her sister's eyes. "Nymphadora is a Metamorph," she said with obvious pride.

"Really?" Narcissa smiled back widely, obviously impressed. "I think she and Draco have the same age difference as you and Sirius. She is much older, but I hope they can be close."

Andromeda's face darkened, as if she had just remembered something bad. "You know she's a half-blood. Are you sure the family is ready to accept her?"

"Dromeda, Lucius and I are not like our parents, or Aunt Walbie. We have lots of half-blood friends. People sometimes suggest that the Dark Lord himself…" Narcissa trailed off as if she realized she was betraying a confidence.

"And Lucius doesn't mind you making this offer to me?" Andromeda asked.

Narcissa sat up straighter. "I am Lucius' wife, not his House Elf. I have as much of a right to make the decisions in our household as he does. He knows I miss my sister and he knows that, once Sirius is back, I won't be happy unless you are with us as well. Don't worry about Lucius. I can handle him. I can ease the transition back for you and your daughter."

"And Ted," Andromeda added. "Of course, I'm not sure that he will be all that happy about reconciling with the family that disowned me and shunned him, but I think I can convince him that it is for our daughter's safety. He realizes how uncertain the world will be if the Dark Lord wins."

From her position at the keyhole, Tonks felt something very cold descend upon the sitting room. Narcissa moved back from Andromeda and dropped her hands. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I should have said..." She looked into Andromeda's face where realization was just dawning. "That would be impossible. Even I could not make Lucius agree. I can guarantee that you and your daughter can live safely in our house, but your husband…" she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Dromeda, but you must understand. There are some things, some prejudices …"

"No!" Andromeda cut across, standing up. "I will NEVER understand. After all this time, after just telling me how much you missed me, how much you wanted to have our children know each other, you still can't recognize my marriage!"

"Dromeda, let me explain…" Narcissa began, standing tall to meet her sister's eye.

"Get out! Get your son and Mamie and get out!" Andromeda took her wand from her pocket and pointed it at her sister. "Even without a dark wizard for a husband, I still know some powerful spells. Seven years in Slytherin makes them hard to forget. Don't think for a minute that I won't use them!"

Silently, Narcissa nodded her head. She pulled out a white wand, perhaps in case she needed it in self-defence, and summoned her cloak. Then she called for her House Elf and headed for the door. Tonks scurried away from the keyhole and hid in the kitchen.

"Please, Dromeda," she heard Narcissa plead. "Please come to me if things get bad for you. My offer of help will always stand."

"Go!" Andromeda commanded. Tonks heard the door slam and her mother's footsteps as she walked away to her bedroom, where Tonks heard the door slowly close.

"Is Mummy a princess?" she asked her father that night as he tucked her into bed.

Ted Tonks smiled and pulled the bedclothes up to his daughter's chin. "She was a princess, but I rescued her from the tower where the evil king and queen had imprisoned her."

Tonks closed her eyes and knew for sure that her father was joking. Andromeda would never wait to be rescued. If she was a princess, then she was a witch princess, just like Aunt Narcissa. They were not the princesses of fairy tales who waited for men to save them; they made their own decisions and plotted their own escapes.

* * *

"She was lying," Remus said, after Tonks finished her story. "She just wanted your mother to surrender and come back."

"Well, Mum doesn't think so," Tonks shrugged. "Anyhow, Sirius, I'll do my best and maybe someday I'll convince her."

Without responding, Sirius walked away from them and entered into the bathroom. He shut the door and turned on the taps with full force so that the sound of the rushing water drowned out all others. His reflection stared back at him in the mirror over the sink. He looked better now, more like himself than he had when he escaped, gaunt and dirty, from Azkaban. The water continued to run and he saw his face slowly disappear as steam condensed on the mirror. In the distance he heard a door close and knew that Tonks had left.

"I should have begged," he whispered to the half-visible image before him. "If she had just let me in, I would have given myself to save them all."

_To readers and reviewers: I'm always happy to hear what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	9. Winter Solstice

_A/N: I'm just borrowing these characters for my own, and hopefully your, pleasure._

_Like I said, I listen to reveiwers so since I heard from several people how much they liked Narcissa, here's more:_

**9. Winter Solstice**

Sirius heard the doorknob rattle and imagined Remus whispering an unlocking spell on the other side. Lazily he rose from the sofa as a cold draft preceded Remus' entry. Remus looked tired. He had found some work in a busy warehouse, but that would soon end, as it always did, when the full moon came upon them and Remus would have to plead illness until yet another employer told him that his services were no longer needed.

"I can help you with that," Sirius offered, gesturing to the large package of supplies that Remus was carrying.

Remus waved him off. "Don't bother. I did it all before you got here and I'll do it all again when you leave." He dropped the package on the table and sat down in one of the rickety kitchen chairs to catch his breath. After a minute, he began to unwrap his muffler. "Speaking of which, when do you plan to go?"

"Are you saying you want me out?" Sirius asked.

Remus shook his head, "Of course not. It's just…" He coughed, and Sirius saw pain in his eyes. "Every day I steel myself against the sadness in case that I return to find you gone, and when I find you here, my heart leaps in elation. Lately…well, I'm just tired, so the emotional ups and downs are too much for me." He closed his eyes, whether with exhaustion or emotion, Sirius did not know.

"I'm sorry," Sirius told him, pulling out the other kitchen chair to sit near him. "I didn't mean to make this hard for you."

Remus smiled, his eyes still closed. "It's always hard with us. So many years, so many feeling, so many losses," he reached his hand across the table and Sirius took it. "So," he asked, "Do you have a date when you want to leave?" It was December already and the days were short and cold.

"I thought," Sirius began tentatively. "I thought maybe you might want to spend Christmas together."

Remus' tired eyes lit up with gratitude at the suggestion. "That would be nice. It's been so long since I've had anyone to celebrate with. Of course, with these circumstances," he gestured to himself and his tired, shabby appearance, "don't expect to get an extravagant gift."

* * *

"Merry Christmas, Sirius!" one of two pretty Gryffindor girls called to him as he waited on the platform for Cissy and Regulus. The three Blacks were being collected at King's Cross Station by Cissy's parents, who were spending the holiday at Grimmauld Place.

"See you in the new year!" called the other girl, blushing as she spoke to him.

"Merry Christmas to you both," Sirius said back to them, waving as he spoke. The two girls ran off giggling and Sirius turned around to find Cissy next to him. At first he felt guilty that she had caught him wishing the girls a merry Christmas. The word "Christmas" was forbidden in the Black home and he expected his elder cousin to chastise him for saying it; however, Cissy said nothing. He could see in her face that she most likely had done the same with her friends. As Andromeda had once told him, even among pure-bloods, the Blacks were different and neither he nor Cissy wanted to be considered freaks. Cissy was a popular seventh year student even among those not in Slytherin House and he imagined she did not want to let the unusual traditions of their family interfere with that status.

"Where's Regulus?" she asked him. At seventeen, she was much taller than he was at twelve years old and she looked down at him through her long, painted lashes.

Sirius shrugged, "I thought he would have been in the Slytherin car with you. Maybe he's saying good-by to some friends."

Cissy nodded as if his explanation made sense. The two cousins stood together as crowds of students and their parents passed. The air was cold and steam from the train gave the darkening evening a faded, ghostlike quality. Cissy pulled her green winter cloak tighter around her thin frame as they continued to search the crowd for Regulus.

Sirius hoped that in their time away from Hogwarts during the holiday, he and Regulus would regain some of the closeness they had lost when they both entered school. As a rule, Slytherins and Gryffindors despised one another, so the two brothers rarely acknowledged, let alone interacted with, each other. Sirius had spent much of his childhood looking after his younger, weaker brother and, in Regulus' absence, he had turned his attention to his sickly roommate, Remus. After the conclusion of their first year, James and he discovered what made Remus so sick every month and now in their second year, they fell into the role of caring for him and protecting his secret.

"There he is," Cissy said, pointing to the slight, dark-haired figure emerging from a cloud of steam. Sirius saw once again that his brother's characteristically boyish gait had been replaced by a more confident swagger, mimicking Sirius' own. He smiled slightly at the sight, wondering if now Regulus had the attitude to go with his walk or if he was just as likely to open the doors between their adjoining rooms the next time he had a nightmare.

For Sirius and his family, the holiday celebration began on December 21, the shortest day of the year. While the Winter Solstice referred only do the day where there was the least amount of daylight, the holiday was celebrated for five days, ending on December 25. Each day recognized one of the five points of the pentangle star – fire, earth, water, air, and heaven.

The first day, the darkest day, was the most solemn. It was the day when the past year was remembered, giving thanks for the good and asking forgiveness for the bad. A Yule log was lit in the fire place and the family ate small amounts of baked food, such as meat pies, rather than feasting. It was a quiet holiday and passed very slowly as Sirius waited in anticipation for the rousing days that would follow.

On the second day they celebrated the earth. Evergreen trees and boughs were materialized in the house and the family members began to take on a joyful, festive mood. A traditional meal of wild game and winter vegetables was served and relatives and friends arrived from far away. The feast lasted long into the night, often carrying over into the next day when they the celebrated water by decorating the trees with icicles enchanted to stay frozen on the trees. Red streamers to represent blood, the water of life, also adorned the trees and banisters in the house. At night, fish was the centerpiece of the meal as was wine.

The forth day celebrated air, represented by white birds and fairies. "Everyone else calls them angels," Andromeda grumbled to Sirius as they hung delicately carved wooden fairies on the tree "Everyone except us!"

"What are angels?" Sirius asked her.

"My muggle-born friends tell me they are messengers of the gods," she told him, smirking like she didn't quite believe it.

Sirius laughed, "Why would gods need messengers?" Andromeda laughed with him and shook her head. The house smelled of roast goose, as the traditional meal needed to consist of fowl. In the distance the laughter of adults drinking eggnog spiked with firewhiskey joined with the music of the charmed piano. This was his home, his family, and Sirius felt warm as a part of it.

"Where's everyone else?" Sirius asked, suddenly realizing that he was alone with Cissy and Andromeda decorating the tree. Several other distant cousins had joined them for this day of the holiday and one by one they had all left the room. Since his placement in Gryffindor, these cousins all but ignored Sirius, so he had barely noticed their absence. It was much more fun to be with Andromeda, who had returned for the holiday from France where she had been studying at BeauxBatons.

"With Bellatrix," Cissy told him, examining a decorative white bird made from real feathers.

Sirius laughed. "I've never known Bella to care about her younger cousins."

Cissy shrugged and collected a handful of birds and fairies. "I'm going to take these to the dining room for the chandelier. I'll be right back." Cissy hated the dining room chandelier that was shaped like the head of Medusa and every year she hung boughs of evergreen and holly upon it, decorating it with fairies, birds, and icicles.

When she left the room, Andromeda turned to Sirius. "Bella is part of a group that believes children should learn the Dark Arts much earlier. They have been pushing Dumbledore to offer lessons in place of Defense Against the Dark Arts for those who want it. So far they have been unsuccessful, but the movement is growing."

Sirius imagined the fights that would inevitably break out between those studying the Dark Arts and those studying to defend against them and shuddered. "I can't see Dumbledore agreeing to that," he told her.

"I think that's the point," Andromeda said she used her wand to send a fairy made from fine porcelain up to a high branch. "Being in disagreement with the popular Hogwarts Headmaster is bringing them the recognition they want, especially among pure-bloods and those who feel the way our parents do. There," Andromeda exclaimed as she stepped back to admire the tree. "That looks nice. Let's go see what's keeping Cissy."

They heard his raspy voice even before they reached the dining room. "Well, is this not the beautiful Narcissa Black, all alone?" Greyback asked her. "How old are you now, my dear?"

Narcissa's answer was inaudible. Andromeda and Sirius quickened their strides to reach the dining room sooner. The double French doors were open and they saw at once that Greyback had backed Narcissa into the wall where she looked up at him, terrified.

"Seventeen," Greyback rasped. "So this must be your year to go to the Goddess at Beltane. Well," and Sirius saw him look up and down Cissy's slender figure. "the God will be very lucky. If only I…"

"Get away from her!" Andromeda commanded. She had pulled out her wand and pointed it at Greyback.

Greyback turned to look at her and his rusty laugh echoed in the cavernous room. "Andromeda, It's so nice to see you. Merlin's beard, this house is full of lovely girls today! Now, put down your wand, darling. You know it is impolite to threaten a guest."

"I said get away from her!" Andromeda repeated, not shaken by the werewolf's words.

"Sir," Sirius said trying to keep his words betraying his rage, while his voice broke with the early signs of oncoming adolescence. "I'd listen to her, if I were you. Andromeda is equally as skilled as Bellatrix, but much less stable." It was a lie, of course, but he had learned from James that when they found themselves out-manned and overpowered, their only option was to start talking. He just hoped that Andromeda knew enough to play along.

Greyback looked from Sirius to Andromeda. Andromeda grimaced, adding in a voice that dripped with artificial sweetness, "And how do I say this delicately, you aren't the only one who becomes dangerous once a month -very, very dangerous." She brandished her wand and moved towards him. Greyback flinched, stepping away from Cissy, and moving towards the French doors. He said nothing else as he walked out into the hallway.

Once he was gone, Cissy flung herself into her sister's arms. "Are you alright?" Andromeda asked her. Cissy nodded, but didn't let go. "He's foul," Andromeda told her, "but he's cowardly. He won't try that again." Then she turned to Sirius and smiled. "Unstable? Where did that come from?"

Before he could answer, she let go of Cissy with one arm and motioned him in to their embrace. "Come here," she chuckled. "That was very clever." Sirius moved towards her and she put her arm around his shoulder pulling him towards her in an enthusiastic hug. Then he felt the cool pressure of Cissy's thin fingers as she, too, reached around to hold him.

Later, as they all sat around the table eating holiday goose and drinking spirits, Sirius glanced down the long row of relatives to see Narcissa looking at him. Despite having been in school together for the past year and a half, the two cousins had never been close. He teased her whenever possible, but she ignored him, not giving his the satisfaction of her response. He had once thought that she didn't care enough about him to strike back, but now he realized that she had been protecting him: that if she had willed it, any one of her many admirers would make it his duty to torture Sirius daily. She had been watching out for him and on this day he had been able to return the favor. Narcissa smiled when he caught her eye and then turned back to her plate.

_Thank you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter. I love to hear your thoughts!_


	10. Pagan Prayers

_This chapter begins where the last left off and then back to more SB/RL_

**10. Pagan Prayers**

Andromeda Black had been sent to study at Beaubatons Academie de Magique as a compromise. She flatly refused to take part in the religious training that her sister Bellatrix had undergone, which required a deep devotion to their pagan faith and provided schooling in the many intricacies of the Dark Arts. Andromeda wanted no part in either of those. Reluctantly, her parents relented, but only after she agreed to further her education somewhere else. Beaubatons was a choice acceptable to all parties, primarily because that was where her father's brother Alphard taught and it served her parents' purpose of taking Andromeda far away from the unsuitable young men with whom she tended to socialize.

"You're making a big mistake," Walburga Black had advised her brother. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Being sent away will just cause her to romanticize her feelings for those young men. If she were my child, I'd force her into training. If there's one thing those old witches and wizards can do is make the reluctant come around to our way of thinking."

"Well, Druella and I disagree," Cygnus had responded. "Andromeda is a smart, but strong-willed girl. We don't want to kill her spirit, just redirect it. I'm sure she'll change, especially with Alphard there to watch her."

From the next room where he stood listening to the conversation, Sirius heard his mother laugh. "Alphard! Are you serious? If he had any abilities in the area of child rearing then he would have had his own family."

Orion Black then jumped into the conversation, clearing his throat before he spoke. "Darling, you realize that Alphard…"

Walburga cut across before letting her husband finish, "Of course I know that, but that doesn't preclude one from having children. A marriage of convenience is perfectly acceptable given his circumstance, especially now with so few true pure-bloods left. As a Black, it is his duty to continue the bloodline, yet he has done nothing to perpetuate it!" She sighed, returning her attention to her brother, "My point is that he is unreliable. I wouldn't count on Alphard to set your daughter on the right path."

At the time, Sirius had been too young to understand all the nuances of the conversation. He liked his Uncle Alphard. Like Andromeda, Alphard grew up as a middle child and was much less concerned about religion and the direction of the wizarding world than his siblings. Walburga and Cygnus had always shared a strong bond that had left Alphard as the odd man out. Rather than trying to fight this exclusion, Alphard had embraced it and moved out of the country. However, he always returned for the Solstice celebration, as it corresponded to the school holiday at Beaubatons.

On the final day of the solstice holiday, which corresponded to Christmas, a pentangle star was placed on the top of the tree, and gifts were given to one another in representation of the many gifts of heaven. There was no specification on what they could eat and the feast was always large and plentiful.

Over the years, through convention and a desire to fit in, Sirius and his cousins learned to refer to this day as Christmas when they spoke with their friends; however, they were all careful not to do so in their home. "Muggles stole our holiday," his mother told them all once again, as she did every year. "They took our traditions and made them their own, just calling them by another name. First our religion was corrupted and then they began stealing our magic. The Muggle-born should never have been allowed to set foot in Hogwarts, let alone hold positions at the Ministry. All of our problems began when the Muggle-born gained power."

"Walbie, please," laughed Uncle Alphard, taking the glass of sherry that was offered to him by Kreacher. The family members and guests were all in the sitting room awaiting the call of the dinner bell. "It's a holiday. Who cares what one calls it? You should be happy that they are following our traditions rather than forcing others to follow theirs. Wouldn't that make you truly unhappy?"

Walburga Black settled back into her chair and was silent. Sirius knew that she tried not to argue with her brother on the few occasions when she saw him because she still held out hope that he would come around to her way of thinking, become more devout, find a nice pure-blooded woman, and have a large family. For the holiday she wore a white gossamer robe over a silver silk underdress and matching silver shoes. Her dark hair cascaded over her shoulders and her red lips pouted as she struggled to either reason with her brother or change the subject.

"How are things on the continent, Alphard?" Sirius' father asked, apparently deciding that a change of subject was warranted. "Do wizards in France struggle with the same issue that we are facing?"

"Those who struggle choose to do so, Orion," Uncle Alphard answered with a casual wave of his hand. "Most of us are content to live our lives and accept change as it comes."

"Well, I for one am not content to live with the course of these changes," Bellatrix interjected. She also wore a white robe, as tradition called for, but hers was painted with gold serpents. She wore gold bracelets that continued the serpent theme and her long, black hair hung in ringlets like long, fat snakes. "I'm proud of my heritage and I believe it IS important to preserve our traditions. Our arts and culture have been denigrated to the point that most of it is illegal now. Only those who do not understand the sacredness of our rituals and practices could have done such a thing. Muggle blood does not belong mixed with ours. If true witches and wizards continue to intermingle with them as they have for years, then proud families like the Blacks will disappear."

"With you on their side, Bella," Alphard said, raising his glass in a toast to his niece, "I'm sure the Blacks don't need to worry."

"You say that like you aren't one of us, Alphard," Sirius' mother responded, sitting up in her seat. Her face had hardened at the insincerity of his words. "You are and you have a duty just like the rest of us."

"And who enforces that duty, Walburga? Where are the Gods and Goddesses to ensure I follow the path that they set for the Blacks long ago?" Alphard looked around mockingly. "See? They don't care that I have strayed." His voice became more serious as he continued. "We follow our own hearts, Walbie. If my path one day joins with yours, then so be it. If not, well, I still have to continue my life as I choose."

As Aphard picked up his glass and drained it, Sirius could see from his uncle's expression that he would not be intimidated by his sister. He could also see that this annoyed Walburga, as she was used to getting her way.

"There are paths, Uncle, slow, meandering paths, but there are also tides," Bellatrix told him. "Fierce and forceful tides, that pull everyone in the same direction and those who try to escape are drowned. The tide will be here soon and it is in our best interest to swim with the current."

All eyes were on Bellatrix as she spoke and a silence followed her words. Sirius looked at his mother whose eyes beamed with pride as she regarded her niece. He saw the understanding that spread across the faces of the adults as they realized what Bellatrix had been working towards since she completed her training. He saw Andromeda turn away, disgusted by her sister's words, and the confusion on the faces of the other children as they wondered if they were witnessing the beginnings of a family feud.

The stillness of the sitting room was suddenly broken by the clanging sound of the dinner bell and they all rose to leave for the dining room.

At dinner that night he sat across from Uncle Alphard and Andromeda. Despite the chilly start of the meal, after a few glasses of wine, the adults warmed up and the conversations took on their usual joyous tone. Uncle Alphard and Andromeda spoke in French to him and teased him with good nature about his accent. They told him funny stories about the students at Beaubatons and listened with interest while he described his experiences in Gryffindor with James. The wound of her son being placed in a house other than Slytherin had not healed, so Sirius' mother never asked him about school. Finally being allowed to speak about his friends and his life was truly the highlight of Sirius' holiday.

After the meal, when they were leaving the dining room, Regulus caught his arm. "Sirius, Bella wants a group of us to meet her in the library so that she can show us some forbidden spells," Regulus whispered motioning to the group of teenaged cousins who were walking ahead of him. "Would you like to come?"

Sirius looked back at Bellatrix, who was talking to Greyback as she stood to leave the room. Greyback's eyes bore into her not with the unfulfilled lust which had so terrified Cissy, but with the satisfaction that her ambitions would ultimately benefit him.

"No, thanks," Sirius told his brother. "I have better things to do than learning spells from Bellatrix."

"Why, Sirius," Regulus asked, looking up at him with sadness and confusion. "Why do you have to be so different? Why can't it be like it was when you and I were not only brothers but best mates too?"

His younger brother's words cut into Sirius. He also longed for those days when the two of them raced together around Grimmauld Place, but he knew, perhaps as deeply as he felt his regret, that that life was over. "I don't know," he told Regulus truthfully. "I wish I knew, but I don't."

That Winter Solstice, when he was twelve years old, was the last he would spend with Andromeda. The following summer she eloped with a handsome Muggle-born herbologist named Ted Tonks. At the Winter Solstice celebration that followed it was obvious that both Sirius' and Andromeda's parents blamed Uncle Alphard for Andromeda's betrayal of one of their core values. However, they still had hope that Andromeda would come to her senses and the marriage could be annulled. When he was fourteen, news of the birth of Andromeda and Ted's daughter killed that possibility and there was outright hostility to Uncle Alphard. Sirius did his best to make Uncle Alphard feel welcome, but the next year Alphard chose not to come for Solstice. With both Andromeda and Alphard gone, plans for Bellatrix's wedding underway, and the fires of pure blood supremacy stoked within his parents and brother, fifteen year old Sirius felt more alone than ever. When he was sixteen, he too left his family for good.


	11. Candlemas

_A/N: Candlemas is celebrated in the US as Groundhog Day. _

**11. Candlemas**

After a quiet, yet joyous Christmas with Remus, Sirius retrieved Buckbeak from Grimmauld Place and began his journey to Hogsmeade. His travels took him from village to village as he made his way north. He and the Hippogriff would find a place to camp just outside of town and, under the cover of darkness while all the townspeople were sleeping, he would scavenge what food he could from garbage bins. During the long, cold nights of January they slept in the hollow of trees, caves, or abandon farmhouses, keeping warm by the flames of a small, conjured fire.

At the end of that first month, Sirius found himself on the top of a tall hill, looking down onto a small wizarding village. Night was falling and Sirius watched as the villagers lit candles and placed them in windows and along the front walk of each house. "Candlemas," he said out loud, shaking his head in disbelief. It had been a long time since he had seen this tradition practiced. He had been unsure if anyone, other than his family members, even observed the holiday.

Candlemas marks the halfway point between the Winter Solstice and the Vernal Equinox. In Sirius' memory, the holiday had three purposes, though it was not obvious how they were all linked. The first purpose was weather related. Candlemas was the day when witches predicted how cold the remainder of winter would be and whether spring would arrive warm and wet or frosty and cold. Candles were lit as a reflection of the stars in heaven, to encourage a smooth and quick transition to spring.

Candlemas was also the day on which witches and wizards celebrated the blessing of children. Because Candlemas falls nine months after the Beltane fertility festival, it was considered lucky to be born on or around that time. It was traditional in homes to prepare the children's favorite meal and to have lots of sweets.

The third purpose of Candlemas was to encourage people to have children, by celebrating the joy of erotic love. While at Hogwarts, Sirius learned that most people only recognized this part of the holiday and celebrated it two weeks later on February 14 as Valentine's Day. It was almost comic to him then to watch how his friends interpreted the rituals and symbols of Valentine's Day.

"That's not a heart," he told them once when he was a young teen, pointing to a red so-called heart-shaped decoration. They were in Hogsmeade on Valentine's Day and the tea shops were festooned with valentines and arrows.

"Of course it is," said Peter. "Everyone knows that!"

"Human hearts are round with blood vessels emerging from them. This looks nothing like it!" Sirius shot back.

"Then what is it supposed to be?" Remus asked.

Sirius smirked and told them, which caused his friends to break down into a fits of giggles. "You are sick!" James laughed, punching his shoulder.

"And the arrow," Sirius continued, enjoying his ability to pass on to his friends this small piece of knowledge about their favorite topic of sex. "It's narrower, of course, but picture it thicker, the point slightly rounded, and the feathers…well, use your own sick imaginations. The valentine with the arrow in it is just a pretty symbol for shagging."

Sirius didn't remember much of Candlemas celebrations when he was a child, except for the fact that he always felt very tired once the candles were lit and dinner was served. Now as an adult he was pretty sure that his childhood sleepiness was the result of a sleeping potion administered to keep the children away and allow their parents to get on with the business of the night. He shuddered at the thought. Like most humans, it made Sirius uncomfortable to imagine his parents as ever being passionate with one another; however, being fervently religious, it was highly likely that this was how they spent Candlemas night.

Although Sirius despised his parents, even he recognized that they were an extremely attractive couple. Orion Black was the handsome younger son of a wealthy wizard and a witch rumored to have the gift of prophecy. As a young man, Orion was quite skilled at Quidditch and in Sirius' youth he still had a fondness for attending professional matches. With his good looks and charismatic charm, he was a good businessman who owned most of the properties in Knockturn Alley, thus allowing even his most questionable tenants to practice whatever they pleased. He even used his influence to intervene on their behalf when Aurors and other Ministry officials tried to close these businesses, claiming illegal business practices.

Orion Black was generous and gregarious with his family, friends, and business partners. Those who did not know him feared him, for it was rumored that he knew more about the Dark Arts than any living wizard. While this may have been true, what those people did not know was that Orion was a very religious man. To him, the Dark Arts were sacred. They were an old, secret tradition passed down through pure-blood families for centuries, not to be shared with outsiders or those deemed unworthy to possess them. Orion believed that only the most devout were worthy to have this knowledge and he had long ago pledged himself to uphold the rites of the ancient faith.

As was common in old, pure blood families, the eldest child, whether male or female, inherited the family home. Orion Black was not in line to inherit, but came to live in one of the family's properties as a result of his marriage to his cousin, Walburga Black. Walburga was several years his senior and a very accomplished woman even at the time of their courtship. She was a superior student who went directly from Hogwarts to work in the Ministry. She was the youngest witch to ever serve on the Wizengammot and, in her early years, made many important contributions to Wizarding law.

It was Walburga who brought to the attention of the Wizangammot that the role of women in that body, as well as in the Ministry as a whole, had been diminishing over the years. Witches and wizards had always served equally, but over time men had taken on the more senior roles. Walburga attributed this to the number of Muggle-born and half bloods in the Ministry, who tended to regard woman as less capable than their male counterparts. Walburga's observations were met with a mix of gratitude and defensiveness, but strides were made to correct the injustice. She had many successes, but also some failures. For many years, she was able to keep restrictions on the Dark Arts to a minimum by promising that there would be self-monitoring by those who practiced the ancient faith. At first, the Wizengammot accepted her promise, but overtime Ministry officials, many of whom were largely unfamiliar with the old religion, demanded stricter controls.

To her credit, Walburga was the first to publicly recognize the weakness of the Ministry of Magic – a weakness that Voldemort took advantage of years later. She saw that the demonization of the Dark Arts was the result of the weak and the fearful condemning something they didn't understand for fear that it would be used against them. She knew that forbidding a practice only drove it underground and into the hands of those who were not skilled in the sacred ways. Individuals committed to the proper use of these arts would no longer be able to regulate its practitioners.

When Sirius hid Buckbeak in Grimmauld Place, the portrait of his mother truly surprised him. Not just how it shrieked at him, although Walburga was always very collected and rarely raised her voice to curse as the portrait had, but because of how she looked. Throughout Sirius' childhood and adolescence his mother had always taken great care of her appearance. She was tall and curvaceous with long, wavy black hair, milky skin, and red lips. She made frequent trips to potion makers to maintain her good looks and purchased clothes that emphasized her striking features as well as her womanly figure.

Walburga Black possesed the type of power that other women envied, but were never able to replicate. Her power was in her absolute convictions. She believed that, as a Black, she was designated by the gods to serve their will and everything she did rested upon that belief. It was the guiding tenet of the old religion that magic was a gift graced upon a few chosen families. In exchange, those families and their children were obligated to uphold the faith and all of its ancient rituals. Over the years many families had fallen away; "blood-traitors" they were called as their blood mingled with that of Muggles and they abandon the gods who had given them the most precious of all gifts. As she studied the pages of _Nature's Nobility_, making note of how few pure-blooded witches and wizards were left, and how few of those continued to worship in the old way, Walburga made it her life's goal to bring back the glory of ancient faith, the traditional practices, and the power of the pure-bloods. To her, being a Black was like being a member of royalty: it had great responsibility along with recognition and reward.

Her niece, Bellatrix, had always admired Walburga's ability to wield and maintain power. However, as Sirius and his brother and cousins knew, she would never be able to attain the power her aunt held, because, unlike Walburga, Bellatrix was most concerned about herself and how others saw her. Sirius' mother never worried about what others thought about her. The truly powerful are never self-serving, but Walburga probably knew that most people feared her. She was also not inherently cruel. Certainly, some of her methods, her beliefs, and her actions were unkind, but that was generally a casualty of the ends justifying the means. It seemed to Sirius that being cruel was Bellatrix's intention most of the time.

When Sirius was fifteen, Bellatrix married Rodophus Lestrange. The Lestanges were an old pure-blood family that met the requirement of being committed to keeping alive the old ways. Unlike the Blacks, however, they did not engender the same type of respect among their peers. Orion and Walburga Black, along with Bellatrix's parents, were willing to take on the responsibility of fighting new Ministry restrictions, whereas the Lestranges were content to sit back and let others argue their case. When the Lestranges met a man who not only shared their vision, but was willing to work outside the Ministry to bring back the Dark Arts, they introduced him to their future daughter-in-law with the hope that her substantial family fortune could also support his cause.

Bellatrix was immediately taken in by the man who called himself Voldemort. Not only did she commit to funding his quest, but she volunteered herself, along with her fiancé. Although she was an apt pupil during her years in religious training, Bella never had the same convictions to serve the gods as her parent, aunt and uncle did and was quick to share her vast skills in the Dark Arts with Voldemort. She saw that Voldemort looked to her in the way that others respected her Aunt Walburga and she felt powerful in his presence.

At first, Sirius' parents were not impressed by Voldemort and felt his ways were vulgar. Walburga continued to serve in the Wizengammot and clung to the hope that her once, influential presence could still save the wizarding world from what she felt were corrupting forces. However, as the Ministry grew weaker her battles produced more frustration than accomplishments, she watched as her position became marginalized.

When he left home at age sixteen, it all seemed so clear to Sirius. His parents were following the one who pledged to restore pure-blood supremacy and open discrimination against Muggleborns, and he could not bear to be a part of that plan. He did not want to be a member, let alone the heir, to a family that supported those views. However, years later as he looked down over the quiet, candlelit village below him, Sirius wondered if it really was that simple. As Harry's godfather he had learned that when you loved something or someone, you would do almost anything to protect it. He wondered if his mother's anger and shame had driven her in desperation to the one who promised to give her what she wanted. Democracy and the proper channels had failed her; had she believed that this was the only way?

Walburga Black would not have wanted power from Voldemort. She knew that power is not given but earned on one's own, and she was not that selfish. She also knew that he cared nothing for the gods and goddesses to whom she had devoted her life. But, as a realist she must have seen that he was her best option for reclaiming what was most important to her: a religion that had slipped away so far that all that was left were torn remnants of traditions, their precious meanings lost to time.

_Thanks for the great reviews on the last chapter. I hope I continue to please._


	12. Daughter of Heaven, Lover of Hell

_A/N: Thank you to everyone who reads this story. Sorry it took me so long to update. Thanksgiving and real life got in the way. Hopefully you'll like this longer chapter._

_It goes without saying that I do not own the wicked Bellatrix Lestrange._

**12. Daughter of Heaven, Lover of Hell**

Cygnus Black adored his older sister. His first memory was of holding her guiding hand and in his heart he knew that he would leave this world holding on to her with his last piece of strength. It was he who encouraged his best friend and cousin, Orion Black, to marry her and it was with his sister that he first discussed his intention to marry Druella. So great was his admiration for Walburga that he wanted nothing more than to have a daughter just like her.

When his eldest daughter, Bellatrix, grew to resemble her aunt, Cygnus thought his wish had come true. He so desperately wanted to believe that his daughter was like Walburga not only in appearance, but also in action and in deed, that he looked past the obvious. They all did. Walbura, Orion, and Druella smiled when they watched Bellatrix and only saw what they wanted to see: the gods' next great crusader.

And Bellatrix played their game. She never let them see what it was that she really cared about.

After completing Hogwarts, Bellatrix entered into religious training, not because she was particularly interested in preserving the ancient rites of her faith, but because it was expected of her. The training was rigorous; however, she was a decent student and her deep-seeded interest in the Dark Arts kept her engaged in her studies. When the training program ended, on Halloween of the year when Sirius was 10, she began working in London for a prominent potion maker on Knockturn Alley and living at Grimmauld Place. While Bellatrix was able to play the game of appeasing her parents, Sirius saw past her façade of the devout and dutiful daughter. He saw that there was a darkness that lived inside her. He would see that darkness again a few years later when he watched Remus transform at the full moon – the wolf pushing through his pores, stretching his limbs, deforming his features. But, unlike Remus, Bellatrix did not try to hide her inner evil from anyone other than her parents, aunt, and uncle. She wanted others to fear her and know that she was unscrupulous when it came to unleashing her fury.

When he returned home for Christmas during his first year at Hogwarts, Sirius' father met him at King's Cross and whisked him home via Portkey. There was no mention of his placement in Gryffindor, although Sirius knew his parents had made appeals to both Professor Slughorn and Dumbledore to have the Sorting Hat's decision overturned. That night the four Blacks sat down to a quiet dinner with Bellatrix in the dining room, discussing the upcoming Solstice celebration. Eventually the conversation turned to the goings on at the Ministry of Magic.

"You wouldn't believe it, Orion," Walburga exclaimed, holding her goblet out to the side so that Kreacher could fill it with the blood-red claret she favored. "Now the Minister is making decisions based on reason, rather than on prophesies and oracles! I told him that if he wants to govern that way, then he's in the wrong position. He should consider becoming Muggle Prime Minister." She nodded at Kreacher when the glass was full and raised it to her lips.

Orion Black shook his head and sighed. "We are all grateful for the work you do, Walbie. What is this world coming to when the Ministry has stopped relying on magic?"

"But isn't that what you were doing when you questioned the judgment of the sorting hat?" Sirius interjected. He was sick of waiting for his parents to raise the subject and put him on the defensive, so he decided to take them off guard by bringing it up himself.

Everyone at the table was stunned, except for Bella, who kept on eating. Walburga Black narrowed her eyes as she looked across the table at her son. She was rarely taken off guard and it took her a moment to compose herself. That night she wore a charcoal colored wool dress with black fur trim along the neckline and the cuffs of her slim fitting sleeves. Her long hair was coiled on the top of her head like a fat black snake. "That's different," she replied in a voice, strong with confidence.

"How is it different?" Sirius challenged her. "The Sorting Hat is a type of oracle, after all. It predicted that I would do best in Gryffindor. You're the ones who tried to reason with Dumbledore."

"Of course the Sorting Hat said you would do well in Gryffindor," Sirius' father stated, picking up his goblet and finishing its contents. Kreacher rushed over with a decanter, but Orion did not have it replenished. "A Black would do well in any house. A Black would obviously excel in the weaker houses, but we are meant for the strongest house and that is Slytherin. I know that the Sorting Hat can be influenced and your mother and I feel that there may have been some other outside factor that resulted in the decision. In light of that, we thought it best that you be resorted."

"Unfortunately, the Headmaster refused," Sirius' mother added. "A true oracle will have the same result every time. 'What's the harm' I asked him, but he would not reconsider." Sirius saw the anger in her eyes as she replayed the event for him. Walburga Black was used to bending others to her will, so Dumbledore's refusal to submit to her request must have thoroughly infuriated her. With a wave of her hand, her dishes disappeared off the table and she rose, leaving the room and ending the discussion.

"Why do you bother arguing with her?" Bellatrix questioned at him later that night. He was sitting by the fire, feeling like an outcast, wondering what his school friends were doing at their own homes. He looked up at her, as she fastened her cloak, readying for another night out with friends. When Sirius didn't respond, Bella continued. "You'll want her on your side someday, you'll see. Aunt Walbie is the most powerful woman in the Ministry and the smartest, too. Our lives will be easier if we just stay on her good side."

"Why? Her good graces have never done anything for me," Sirius snorted back.

Bella laughed and approached him. "Oh little cousin, you have SO much to learn!" She lowered her voice and continued, "Flattery will get you everywhere with her. She's getting old and wants more than anything to be told over and over again how beautiful and powerful she is, and how much you adore her. When she has that she is satisfied and then she begins to bend. Take your pick: challenge her and she snaps, or flatter her and she bends. I choose the latter," Bella pulled the hood over her long, dark hair. "Consider this your lesson for today."

Bella's eyes flashed with contempt and Sirius could see that for all her acts of devotion, Bella would not hesitate to destroy her aunt. He stood there, rooted in confusion. She reached out to him and brushed his cheek with her hand. Her fingers were cold and he recoiled from her touch. She laughed again at what she thought was shyness. "Learn from me," she whispered "I can teach you to be the wizard you are meant to be, just as I've done with your brother."

Sirius wanted to ask her what she meant, but instead he turned away quickly, watching from the corner of his eye as her cloaked figure left the room and entered into the darkness.

During the Christmas holiday, Sirius witnessed that, in his absence, Bella had completely manipulated the affections of Regulus. Because their mother was not particularly maternal, Sirius had taken it upon himself to watch out for his younger brother and Regulus had grown to depend upon him. Regulus had a soft manner and Sirius often worried about how he would fare among the brutish older students in Slytherin. Regulus had feared Bellatrix before Sirius left for school, but a few months later it seemed that came to worship her. He saw his cousin as a combination of mother and older, caring sister. Sirius would not have minded sharing Regulus' admiration with anyone else, but Bella was neither motherly nor caring. She wanted something from him and Sirius feared what that was.

Once freed from the bonds of school and the rigors of her training, Bella entered into adulthood with the enthusiasm of a released captive. She stayed out late every night and returned in the early hours of morning, if she returned at all. Sometimes, drunk on firewhiskey and the adrenaline of her daring activities, she would enter Sirius and Regulus' rooms and wake them up to show off a particularly cruel hex or an intricate spell that she had learned over the course of the night. Her laughter echoed through the quiet corners of the house, but Sirius' parents never stopped her. "Birds need to fly before they nest," Sirius' father told him when he complained about these nightly interruptions. "You'll be the same someday, I imagine. I certainly was," and then Orion smiled as if remembering fondly his former wicked ways.

Bellatrix was careful to keep the details her nightly prowls a mystery. All the Blacks knew that she was going out at night, but she was discrete concerning what she did. Andromeda told Sirius that Bella was involved with a group of people who wanted to see the Dark Arts taught to all pure blooded children at a young age, something neither her parents, nor Sirius' would have approved of. Years later he heard that it was during this time she began to go around with an elusive criminal faction that met in Knockturn Alley. There was no doubt in Sirius' mind that, as the product of a privileged upbringing, Bella would have found the darker side of wizarding life quite enticing for he certainly did as well when he reached adulthod, making friends with the likes of smugglers such as Mundungus Fletcher. The difference was that Fletcher was essentially harmless. The witches and wizards that Bella befreiended were anything but harmless.

Her late night adventures came to a crashing end when Bellatrix was arrested for improperly using magic in the presence of a Muggle. Fortunately, her aunt was able to get her off with a warning (Walburga pleaded with the authorities that her niece was drunk and had been dared by an unsavory young man into performing the hex,) but the favor came with a price.

"This is it, Bella!" Walburga shouted at her niece. Sirius and Regulus stood outside of the library listening to their mother scold and Bellatrix's contrite responses. "No one is allowed to bring shame upon the Black name, especially not you. Your recent escapade has cost me dearly. I am now indebted to those who arranged to have your name cleared. Do you know what it is like when another has power over you? Well, I hate it! I have refused to do it my entire life, but I made the exception for you. Never again!"

"I'm sorry, Aunt Walbie," Bellatrix replied in a quiet, yet false, voice.

"Yes, I'm sure you are," Walburga answered her sharply. "Sorry to have gotten caught. But now that you have been, it's time to plan your next move. You are twenty-four years old, Bella. I've seen the parade of men and women you've brought through your bedroom. No, don't even try to deny it. Your uncle and I are not blind. We don't mind, of course. You are a beautiful young woman with healthy appetites, but it's time to get serious."

"I don't understand," Bella said in a tone that indicated she did indeed know what her aunt meant.

Walburga was not fooled and Sirius heard the faint, subtle sarcasm in her response. "Perhaps you'd like to dedicate your life to the Goddess. There are so few who chose this path and with you being so young and beautiful, not to mention of the blood of one of the original families, I'm sure the priestesses would have you in an instant."

"NO, Auntie!" Bella screamed in horror. Sirius could tell that Bella had not expected this threat. His mother was cleaver that way, always able to find a weak point.

"Well, then you need to think seriously about marriage," Walburga insisted. She knew she had the upper hand and played it well. "Has there been anyone who …pleased you?" There was a pause and Sirius reckoned that Bella was shaking her head. "I find that hard to believe," his mother responded. "Well, consider your choices wisely. We can not afford another mistake in this area either. Your sister's marriage has been a blemish on the Black name, so your father has been counting on you to make up for her error. And now, in light of your recent…situation, it is your duty to make him proud."

"I'll try, Aunt Walbie," Bella said in a small voice.

"No, don't try," Walburga ordered. "The weak 'try,' the strong succeed. You are to succeed, and do it quickly. Go now to the sitting room and bring back _Nature's Nobility_. It is on the tall bookshelf, across from the family tapestry. But before you return, I want you to take a good look at the family tree. I want you to find your name and trace the branches back to the roots. I want you to feel as I do when you touch the names of those first Black ancestors who were given the gift of magic by the gods. I want you to see their majesty and know that what you do, what all of us Blacks do, is beyond ourselves as individuals. Our work is Their work. Our children are Their children. You must choose your husband wisely, Bella, for he will join us. His blood will mix with ours forever."

Bella did not answer and Sirius and Regulus moved away from the door as they heard her footfall approach. Bella walked quickly past their hiding place, her eyes blazing towards the direction of the sitting room. She was doing what she had been ordered to do, but just above the swishing sound of her robes against the marble floor, Sirius heard her mutter, "Bloody fool!" At the time he did not know if her curse was directed at Walburga or at herself for becoming sloppy and getting caught.

Sirius assumed that Bella did not like having her future dictated to her by her aunt, but within a few months' time, Bella was engaged to Rodolphus Lestange. Rodolphus' younger brother, Rastaban, was a Slytherin prefect who was particularly fond of Regulus. Knowing Rastaban's interest in the Dark Arts and dangerous, outlawed portions, Regulus brought his prefect to the shop where Bella worked in Knockturn Alley. Rastaban was so impressed with Bella's knowledge and her penchant for the Dark Arts, that he introduced her to his older brother.

At first Sirius could not tell whether Bellatrix loved Rodolphus or if he just met the requirements of a suitable husband, but at her wedding he learned his answer. The wedding took place during the summer when he was fifteen at the Black Estate in Cornwall. It was a large and lavish affair, attended by all the old families. The social excitement of the wedding was so great that for nearly a year before the actual celemony, no one cold talk about anything else; except Bella, who was interested in introducing everyone to a wizard she had met through the Lestranges. She had invited this man to the wedding and was very excited when he agreed to attend. She spoke at length about him and his views on Ministry politics, saying his name more often than she mentioned the name of her husband to be.

On the night before the wedding, a party was held in the Great Hall at Black Estate. Champagne flowed and the guests spoke excitedly about the union of the two great families. Bella looked beautiful in her saphire gown. Dark curls encircling her face, softening her sharp features. Her eyes were wide, scanning the room, at once brightening with elation, and then darkening in disappointment. Sirius watched her as he drank champagne quietly in a corner of the room, wondering who it was she hoped to find. His curiousity was peaked when a House Elf scurried through the crowd of wedding guests to hand Bella a note. Bella turned, read it discretely and then, making sure no one was watching, she put it in the fire and headed away from her guests, towards the door.

So stealth was her exit that no one, other than Sirius, noticed the bride leaving. Her stride was quick and the satin gown billowed around her legs as she flew down the stairs and through the front doors into the night. Sirius slid out the doors after her and was thankful that she did not look back. Her wand was clasped in her hands and he knew she would not hesitate to use it if she knew she was being followed. She crossed the garden quickly and entered a gazebo covered with vines. Through the vegetation Sirius could make out a man who sat waiting. His face was deathly white with a waxy look. Sirius thought at first that his distorted appearance was caused by the weak moonlight.

"You should come in," Bella told the man. "I told them all about you."

"Not yet," he said. His voice was low and seemed to hiss when he spoke.

Even from where he stood, Sirius could tell that Bellatrix, usually formidable in the presence of others, seemed to shrink before this odd man. Her voice quavered and her hands moved nervously. "I can't stay to long, or they will miss me."

"I'm sure you'll make up some excuse. The perfect excuse, as perfect as the reason you made up for marrying Rodolphus." The man's speech was level, betraying nothing.

"The one I want won't have me. I think you know that," Bella told him.

The man stood up. Sirius could see that he was tall and slender and seemed to glide upright than stand. Parts of his waxy, white scalp were visible through strands of black, thinning hair. "Perhaps," he hissed in a tone that was more menacing than it was seductive, "perhaps this once I will have you."

Bella smiled and lifted her face up to him, but he turned his lips away, refusing to kiss her. Instead he placed his hands on her shoulders and slowly pushed down the straps of her gown. He did not touch her tenderly or say sensuous words to admire her when she stepped naked from the puddle of blue satin. "Lie down," he commanded and as Bella complied he took off his robe. Sirius did not want to witness any more so he turned to go, but before he did he caught a quick glimpse of the man's long white back moving, slithering almost, on top of his cousin.

"My lord," she moaned with the pleasure of a deep desire, finally fulfilled. "My Lord Voldemort!"

The next morning Bellatrix Black and Rodolphus Lestrange stood before an old wizard with a long white beard and a pointed purple hat. In his hands the wizard held an ancient silver goblet decorated with the images of snakes and written upon in ancient runes. As the ceremony progressed, he asked the bride and groom to extend their forearms towards him. Bella held out her right arm and Rodolphus offered his left so that their arms were side by side. As was ancient custom, the wizard cut open their wrists with his wand and filled the goblet with their fresh, flowing blood.

When the goblet was full, the wizard called "Episkey!" and the wounds on Bella and Rodolphus' wrists healed. The wizard held up the goblet. "In the beginning the god of heaven joined with the goddess of the earth. Rain fell down from heaven, mingling with the rivers and oceans of the earth, just as the blood of parents mixes to create children. Today the blood of Bellatrix and Rodolphus has mingled and they are now joined forever in an Unbreakable Bond."

He mumbled a spell and the goblet of blood turned into a silky, pink vapor which circled around the couple before ascending toward heaven, binding forever Bellatrix to her husband, rendering them both incapable of ever possessing another. Sirius saw Bella look toward the empty chair in the front row, the seat she had reserved for the one she loved, and her eyes were almost wistful. For the briefest of moments he felt sorry for her and her loss.

_I'd love to hear what you think! Thanks for all of the lovely reviews and PMs._


	13. Sacred Offerings

_Merry Christmas! Some slash to keep you warm._

_This chapter is a different perspective of the chapter entitled "Ravish Me and I am Chaste" in The Secret Keepers._

**13. Sacred Offerings**

When Sirius finally arrived in Hogsmeade, he felt a great sense of relief. He was close to Harry now, as close as he dared to come this time. He and Harry had maintained contact through owl-delivered letters, and even Dumbledore kept Sirius informed of the happenings at the school. Within a few weeks it came as no surprise to Sirius that, without telling Dumbledore his exact plan, the headmaster seemed to be aware that Sirius has taken up residence outside the village.

In between his letters, Sirius spent his time thinking about the resergence of the Death Eaters and how this could have happened. He knew for a fact that many of the Dark Lord's followers were still in Azkaban, including his cousin Bellatrix and her husband. Until he that day she was brought into the prison, Sirius had not lain eyes upon his cousin in five years and he remembered that last time well. She had been at Grimmauld Place the night Walburga Black publicly proclaimed her support of Voldemort and Sirius left his home forever.

"Where will you go?" his mother had asked him as he ran down the stairs with the few posessions he chose to take with him. "Who do you think will take you in, the Potter? Don't be naïve Sirius! They are no different than us. They have used the Dark Arts when it has suited them and condemn others for doing the same."

Sirius didn't believe her, but when he looked in her eyes he saw that something inside her had changed. Walburga's gaze had always been sharp and controlled, even when she was angry. But now, beneath her heavy lids her eyes shone with the fervor of a cornered animal as her voice took on the crazed tone that Bellatrix had when she would taunt her younger and weaker cousins. This was not the mother he knew. He slammed the door behind him and ran through the cold darkness until the Night Bus picked him up. Sirius asked to taken to the Potter's house.

Despite his effort to forget, Sirius often reflected on his mother's final words. The ministry had worked hard to make the Wizarding world feel safe, assuring them that all practioners of the Dark Arts and the followers of Voldemort were in prison; however, this most recent event proved that this was not true. And in moments of difficult introspection, Sirius knew that he also practiced magic that was less than legal when it suited his needs, especially as a youth. The Mauraders Map and the Animagi spells were two examples of illegal magic that he used to entertain his friends and they all felt wonderfully illicit about it, especially James. It was hard to convince himself that James didn't know what they were doing, but even harder to believe that there was anything less than honorable about his friend who took him in when Sirius needed him most.

When the Night Bus stopped at the Potter's house, Sirius was still reeling from the shock that he had finaly left his home. It was Christmas Eve and the houses on James' street were lit with festive, colored lights. Sirius pounded on the tall oak door and waited for it to open. "Can I stay with you?" he asked James, trying to sound casual while his emotions bounced back and forth between anguish and anger.

James looked at him with concern in his eyes, but asked no questions. "Of course," he said, opening the door more widely and taking Sirius trunk. Sirius followed James into the warm confines of the Potters' home, growing weaker, step by step. Once in the foyer he stood still, unable to move his legs, not knowing what was expected of him in this circumstance. It had all happened so fast and now he was homeless.

James put the trunk down at the foot of the winding staircase and moved back to Sirius. He reached up and unwrapped Sirius' muffler, then he began to unbutton Sirius' coat. Sirius inexplicitly began to shiver, but James made no comment as he helped him undress, guiding him to where he could sit when he lacked the strength to do so, without pity, without judgment.

"It is their myth," Mrs. Potter told Sirius. She sat next to him on the sofa while James fetched a blanket for his shivering friend. "The Christians, they tell a story of travelers who cannot find a place to stay, but a kind stranger gives them shelter in his barn. It was there among the farm animals that the woman gave birth to their god. At Christmas, they want all to feel welcome. Today you are the traveler, but I do not need a myth to invite you to stay in my home. You are always welcome here." Her eyes were blue, old and kind. Sirius didn't tell her that her retelling of the Christmas story had a few flaws, and he was no god – just a young man suddenly without a family.

James returned to the room and tucked the blanket around his friend. "If you need anything else, just ask."

Sirius nodded. "Without you, I…" he began in a voice that was just above a whisper, but he couldn't go on. James didn't ask what it was he meant to say. He just sat next to Sirius and rested his head on his friend's shoulder, sharing the silence of a friendship that needed no words.

When he left his family, Sirius thought his life would be easier without the Blacks, that he could be the man he wanted to be without their rebukes, but instead his life seemed harder. He had not realized how the sounds and faces of his family had filled his thoughts on a daily basis. Every day his mind had echoed with his mother singing hymns in the ancient language, his father laughing at his jokes, Regulus calling his name, and Cissy whispering, "Please, Sirius. I need you." Suddenly all those voices had gone silent. The Potters encouraged him to think of them as family and Sirius maded an effort to emulate James' empathetic concern and inclusive nature, but this made him feel even more like an outcast, as if he were playing another actor's part.

When Remus' parents passed away nearly a year after Sirius had left home, Sirius knew that he alone could empathise with their grieving friend. Watching Remus, alone in his parent's empty house, Sirius knew that he too was experiencing the echoing silence of emotional emptiness and that soon the silence would encompass him until he felt nothing. Sirius longed to feel again, to belong once again, to heal the wound that the loss of his family had left.

And then, too, Sirius realized as he sat with Buckbeak in the cold confines of a cave outside of Hogsmeade, he had used his knowledge of Dark Magic to heal himself and his friend. He had learned through the talk of his relatives and casual perusal through the many spell books that lined the libray at Grimmauld Place that the strongest potions were based upon human elements. Hair, nails, blood, saliva, were the elements of many strong potions and dangerous spells; but healing potions relied on more inimate fluids such as mother's milk or semen.

When he kissed Remus for the first time the sensation shocked and thrilled him. The power with which Remus' lips sought his and the taste of his mouth was so different than kissing a girl that it seemed like a different activity all together. They were lost in the moment, greedily seeking more and more until Sirius felf his body respond and he knew how he could heal them both. He pulled back from Remus, wondering if he could truly do this. Out of breath, he looked at Remus who panted in the wake of their passionate embrace. "What happens now?" Remus asked. A shadow of the wolf passed over his face in the lingering reflection of his ardor.

"I think," Sirius responded, his voice stronger and more confident that he actually felt. "You tell me to leave and lock the door behind me, or you invite me into your bed."

Remus looked back at him, searching Sirius' face for signs of a bad joke. When he found none, his eyes grew more earnest and Sirius saw in them the same look he had once seen in his cousin Cissy. Beneath the fragile exterior lay a fearlessness, a willingness to place his faith in Sirius, just as Cissy had placed her faith in the all-knowing goddess. Sirius understood that intimacy is an act of trust, as ancient as the old rituals in which the faithful give themselves freely to the Divine. In that same act of trust, Remus took off his shirt.

He continued to kiss Remus as he made his way towards Remus' belt buckle, fumbling with the cool metal until it sprung open. Remus undid the zipper and Sirius brought his hand to the sides of Remus' hips in an attempt to push off the trousers did not give way easily and Sirius realized that they were caught on Remus' erection. The realization made him even more desirous and he pushed with greater force until, suddenly released of clothing, the stiffness bounced up, grazing Sirius' stomach. He shyly let his fingers drift across Remus' abdomen until they came to rest at the base. He traced one finger up to the tip and then down again. He repeated the motion with two fingers as his lips continued to hold Remus', preventing him from protesting, although he was almost certain that Remus would not.

With shaking hands, Remus undressed Sirius slowly, as if silently wondering if this was a grief induced dream or a bad joke. "It's okay," he whispered to Remus. "I want you to." When they stood together, naked and wanting, Sirius took the next step, reaching out to grasp Remus where his body rose attentively waiting for Sirius' touch. To his delight, he felt Remus' damp palm close around him and move up and down in a quick, steady motion.

Being touched by another was surprisingly different than the singular act to which they were both accustom. The sensation was heightened and Sirius wanted it to last as much as he wanted to quickly take Remus to the place where he couldn't back out of this uncharacteristically reckless act. Remus pulled his mouth from Sirius' suddenly and breathlessly said, "I'm going to…"

"I am, too" Sirius gasped back and he pulled Remus down onto the bed. Remus made a sound like a whimper and then with a groan that released the pain of sadness and filled the silence with joy, he thrust himself against Sirius. Sirius felt the wet heat on his stomach. "Yes!" he hissed as he shuddered with happiness and showered Remus with his passion, knowing that through the magic and the love he felt for his friend, that they would be healed.

_I am very grateful to everyone who reads this story and especially those who review. I thank you all so very much and wish everyone Happy Holidays!_


	14. Legacy's Children

_This chapter takes place during the chapter in GOF entitled _Padfoot Returns. _The various plotlines will start wrapping up over the next few chapters, hopefully to your satisfaction._

**14. Legacy's Children**

Sirius paced the ground outside his cave, frequently stopping to glance down at his watch. Today was the day he was to meet Harry by the turnstile at the edge of Hogsmeade and he did not want to be late. Truthfully, he was anxious about seeing Harry again. He wanted to get to know the boy who was his godson, but he also knew that sometimes friendship – relationships – were easier to maintain from afar. He didn't truly know Harry and Harry did not know him. Instead he found himself projecting on to Harry characteristics that had belonged to Harry's father, James.

Sirius also wondered how much of the past he should reveal to Harry. In the weeks that he had been in Hogsmeade, Sirius had been scavenging old newspapers and the names and faces that filled the yellowing pages brought back painful memories to the equally yellowed pages of his mind. Mad Eye Moody's broken features recalled for him the last few days of the Order when fear and despair had nearly overtaken them. Igor Karkarov reminded him of the many individuals who mistakenly chose to follow the Dark Lord, only to later regret that decision. And Barty Crouch recalled the aftermath of James and Lily's deaths when Sirius was sent to Azkaban without a trial. It was so hard to explain how things had been back then and did Harry need to know that they weren't always heroic? Everyone, it seemed afterward, had lost something because of the war.

Even Sirius' mother, powerful and respected for so many years, felt the casualty of war. Quickly after Voldemort's fall she was removed from her position on the Wizengamot. Barty Crouch even recommended that she also be sentenced to Azkaban, but the Wizengamot spared her that indignity. Perhaps they pitied her, a fallen relic of a bygone era, or perhaps they knew the worse punishment would be for her to live with all she had lost. Her husband, her youngest son, even her brothers had died by then. The sprawling family of which she had once been so proud was shattered and practice of the Dark Arts had finally been made illegal. Sirius tried not to think about what it must have been like for her because he didn't want his heart to soften, allowing him to finally forgive her.

While many of his friends felt that Sirius had dealt a crushing blow to his family by leaving them and joining the Order, it was really Andromeda who first challenged their beliefs and won. While she had always been a headstrong girl with a callous attitude towards the faith of their family, no one ever imagined that she would stray from them at such a young age. It was at age seventeen when she let them all know in no uncertain terms that they would not be a part of her future.

"This is an important spring for you," Walburga Black excitedly told her niece. It was the Feast of the Vernal Equinox and Andromeda and Narcissa had been called home from school that year to spend the holiday with the family. Usually the Blacks invited many families to share the holiday feast with them, but this year the family kept the celebration small. Later that spring the Blacks were hosting the annual fertility ritual at their estate in Cornwall and plans for that celebration were being made during the Equinox holiday. Andromeda was to play an important role in that ritual and her mother and aunt were excited and ready to prepare her.

"I'm not doing it," Andromeda said firmly, putting down her fork and crossing her arms across her chest. She held her head high and her grey eyes blazed.

Aunt Druella laughed nervously and smiled at her daughter. "Don't be silly, Darling. Every girl is nervous, but there is nothing to worry about. The ritual is as ancient as time." She gestured to Walburga and Bellatrix. "We've all been through it and none of us has any regrets."

"It's actually quite pleasant," Walburga smiled mischievously. Like the rest of them, she was dressed in the light green robes, traditional for the spring festival. Her hair was pulled loosely back from her face, allowing a few soft curls to rest upon her cheeks. Her make up gave her face a youthful, rosy tone and her lipstick was a cheerful pink. "I look back upon my time fondly. That year every time I saw a flower grow or passed by a field of grain, I knew that I was the one who helped the Gods make it possible. It was an honor to give my virginity to the Goddess."

Andromeda snorted, "I can't give to Her what's already gone." She flipped her hair and resumed eating. While Andromeda's face was now placid, Sirius saw the adults exchange urgent, meaningful glances. While he didn't know exactly what was going on, he knew Andromeda had said something very troubling.

"What did you say?" Cygnus Black raised his voice and glared at his daughter.

Andromeda did not look at her father, but defiantly straight ahead. She reached for her wine glass and brought it to her lips. "You heard me," she told him in a low, but firm voice.

"Who was it?" He shouted at her, rising from his chair as he did so.

"Cygnus, please," his wife pleaded with him, but Cygnus ignored her.

"Who was it, Andromeda?" He shouted again. "Tell me his name and I'll…"

But before he could let them know what he was planning to do, Narcissa let out an audible gasp. All heads turned to her as she stared at her sister with knowledge in her eyes. Andromeda stared back with a determined expression that said, "Don't you dare say anything." Cissy's eyes shifted towards Bellatrix and back again to Andromeda. "It's her you need to worry about," was their silent message.

Sirius looked at Bellatrix. She looked amused at what had transpired at the dining room table and a sadistic smile played upon her thin lips. Andromeda turned to Bellatrix, challenging her to speak, but Bellatrix turned away, leaving her sister to wonder what her next move would be.

It felt to Sirius as if they all were waiting for an electrical storm to occur. The room was strangely charged and their eyes shown as if they feared being struck by lightning.

"Orion," Walburga Black said calmly and suddenly to her husband. "Would you take Bella, Cissy and the boys to the kitchen? I'll follow you in just a minute. Tell Kreacher to move our plates there until Cygnus and Druella have resolved this… situation."

Orion Black nodded and stood up from his chair. He motioned to his nieces and sons to follow him. As Sirius prepared to exit the room he glanced back at the four individuals remaining. Walburga pushed her plate away and rested her wrists on the table. As always she acted as the family arbitrator. She was comfortable being in charge. She reached over to Druella, who sat next to her and squeezed her hand, reassuring her. Cygnus still looked as angry as the man whose daughter had betrayed him, unsure of what to do next. And Andromeda looked down at her plate, steeling herself against what would certainly be the harsh consequences of her decision to abandon her family's dictates.

"Will everything be alright, Dad? Regulus asked in a high, nervous voice once they had left the room. He was only nine years old and uncomfortable with interpersonal struggles. Unlike Sirius, who often got in trouble with his parents for various acts of mischief, Regulus preferred not angering his parents.

"I'm sure it will be," Orion Black assured him, placing his hand on his son's shoulder. "But it is very serious when one puts his or her needs before those of the gods. Your cousin will need to make amends to her parents as well as to the Gods."

"Will they forgive her?" Regulus asked.

Bellatrix laughed, "Mercy is a Christian virtue. We do not forgive those who transgress against us. The only way that Mother and Father will accept Andromeda again is if begs them and takes an oath that she will follow their ways from now on."

"But Andromeda is an itelligent young woman," Orion told them in a voice of authority. "I'm sure she will do the right thing."

But Andromeda continued to disappoint her family. In addition to forgoing the Beltane fertility ritual, she also refused to continue her religious education, as was the tradition in their family once one had finished at Hogwarts. As was required of their faith, she was not forgiven for this decision, but her parents were molified when she agreed to study at Beaubatons. Finally, her marriage to a Muggle-born wizard took her away from their family forever.

At first Sirius and Andromeda exchanged letters following her exile from the family. She had always been his favorite cousin and he admired her even more for her daring act. He wrote to her when he left the family and she sent back a letter congratulating him on his decision. Over time, however, their letters tapered off. She became busy with her husband and new baby and they had fewer and fewer things in common.

Quite by accident, Sirius saw Andromeda once again after her marriage. That day he and James were shopping in Diagon Alley for dress robes for James' wedding.

"Why do I need dress robes?" Sirius complained to James. "I'm not the one getting married."

James laughed, "You need them so that I don't look silly by being the only one dressed up like a penguin. That's the job of the best man, you know. "

"I wish I had known before I agreed to the job," Sirius teased. "I thought I only had to hold the rings and make a toast."

"No, you have to look like an arse, too. Unfortunately, nothing can make you look bad, Padfoot. You'll look as dashing as ever in dress robes, while this mop of hair is certain to keep me from looking like the handsome groom that Lily deserves," James said, running his fingers through his messy, brown hair.

Sirius laughed and pointed to a shop they were passing, "Madam Huella's Magical Beauty Supplies," he read. "Maybe she has something to make your mop lie flat." His head was turned towards the shop window and he didn't see James reach out and touch the arm of a passing shopper.

"Oh, hello," James said in a surprised tone that caused Sirius to turn around and look into the face of his cousin, Andromeda.

Andromeda looked from James to Sirius, uncertain at first but then recognition dawned in her eyes. "Sirius!" she said, hugging him. She pulled back and they stared at each other, uncertain what to say.

"How are you?" Sirius began. "It's great to see you. You look fantastic!" Long gone were the straightened panels of brown hair she had worn in her rebellious youth. Her hair was shorter and framed her face with curls. She no longer wore sharp "hippy-style" make up and her skin looked natural and luminous.

"And you're all grown up!" She said taking in his whole figure.

"It's been awhile, I guess. Your daughter must be big now." As much as he liked seeing her, Sirius struggled for what to say. Inside he felt the gnawing emptiness of the family he lost. The longer he looked at her, noting her resemblance to her sisters and his mother, the more uncomfortable he became. He realized that she must have felt the same as she ended the conversation quickly with the excuse that Nymphadora had to be picked up from school.

"Did you two make a plan to get together?" James asked as they continued on their way to the formalwear shop. Sirius shook his head.

"Why not?" James questioned him.

Sirius didn't answer at first but he felt James eyes upon him, curious as to why Sirius was not more cheerful after seeing his once-favorite cousin. "It's too hard," he whispered. James nodded, but Sirius wondered if he truly understood.

* * *

At the end of the day Sirius stood at the turnstile, this time regretfully watching Harry, Ron, and Hermione walk away. He felt happy and relaxed now and wondered why he had been so anxious about this meeting. He spoke to the three teenagers honestly about what it was like during the war and they not only listened, but understood as well. In a way, it was a relief to share with someone what it had been like in Azkaban. With Remus, he wanted to start fresh, not dwell upon a past when they both had made mistakes. No one liked talking about the past, it seemed. Ron had told him that Arthur Weasley would not discuss it with them, claiming it was too difficult to understand. But by ignoring the past, they seemed more certain than ever to repeat it.

Once Harry was out of sight, Sirius began following him, wandering in the trees just to the side of the road. He wanted to make sure Harry did not encounter any trouble as he made his way though the village, but at the same time, he didn't want Harry to worry about him. Harry always seemed more worried about Sirius returning to Azkaban than he was about the dangers he himself was facing. As he meandered along as the dog he glanced at the many Hogwarts students who were sadly making their way back to school as evening fell. Harry would be safe now, Sirius realized.

He turned around and was making his way back to the cave when he caught sight of the boy. Sirius stopped dead in his tracks to watch him pass. The confident swagger was exactly the same as he remembered. The voice that laughed and boasted to his companions rang of good breeding and pure-blood arrogance. Sirius had heard that voice so many times when he was a student and he ached with happiness to hear it again. His heart pounded as he walked closer, hoping to get a better view. The boy did not notice the big black dog that circled him, looking up into his face. Regulus had greatly resembled Sirius with grey eyes, dark hair, and typical Black features. Although this boy walked and spoke like Regulus , he was so pale that, for a moment Sirius wondered if he could be Regulus' ghost. He looked harder at the boy's face, trying to decide if this was indeed an apparition, and his distinctive features brought back another name from Sirius' past. The boy was a mirror image of his father, the former Slytherin prefect. And then Sirius realized he was looking at Draco Malfoy, the son of Cissy Black.

_Thanks for your reviews! It's great to know that people are reading this story._


	15. Goddess of the Earth

_The premise of this story, as it is in my two previous stories, is that the love between Sirius and Remus was so strong that it pushes them beyond their heterosexual orientation. In the first chapter of this story it is revealed that Sirius, while he is attracted to women, was unable to form and intimate connection with any of his girlfriends. This chapter gives some background as to why. If you want some music to inspire you while you read, I recommend "Beltane Fire Dance" by Loreena McKennitt and "The Theme from 'Harry's Game'" by Clannad. I imagined "Harry's Game" to be the hymn sung at the Beltane ceremony and "Beltane Fire" played when she leaves for the field. _

_Please be aware that the last paragraph is **figurative, **not literal. You'll see why in a moment. A literal interpretation would be very, very wrong!_

**15. Goddess of the Earth **

It was April of Sirius' second year and he had just turned thirteen. He, James, and Peter had just returned from dinner in the Great Hall and were settling down to an evening of studying when there was a knock at the door. The three boys exchanged glances. The knock was loud, confident, determined and high up on the door, so they immediately knew it was a tall person, perhaps a teacher. The boys silently sized up the situation, trying to remember if they had caused any damage recently and, if so, how someone could have known it was them.

The knocking resumed after a brief respite and it appeared that their visitor was not prepared to leave. James nodded towards Peter, signaling him to open the door. From where they stood, Sirius and James watched Peter open the door a crack and stare in shocked disbelief. His jaw dropped and he looked up wide eyed at the person whose view was blocked from James and Sirius.

"Is Sirius here?" a familiar, haughty voice inquired. At once Sirius and James relaxed. Peter seemed unable to blink as he nodded, slack-jawed. "May I see him?" she asked.

"I'm right here," Sirius said, moving so that he could see Cissy, who stood in the doorway. She wore her Slytherin school robe open over her school uniform, a casual look to mark the end of a long day of revision for the NEWTS students.

"May I come in?" she asked formally, directing her question over Peter's head towards Sirius.

"Sure," Sirius answered, and Peter silently stepped aside, allowing her to pass.

Cissy's long legs took her gracefully over the threshold as she looked over her nose at the messy contents of their dormitory room, glared at James, and glanced dismissively at Peter. "I need to talk to you privately," she announced to Sirius. Their eyes did not meet as she counted the four beds, wondering where the other roommate was and if he were likely to interrupt them.

"Why?" Sirius laughed. He and Cissy rarely spoke at school and he didn't like her coming to his room and making demands.

She looked at him then with an expression that told him she was not interested in playing games. "Family matters," she said shortly, and then turned back to James and Peter with a more menacing look.

James looked at Sirius. "What do you want us to do?" his expression read. Sirius nodded toward the door. James grabbed the arm of still-stunned Peter and guided him to the exit.

When they had left, Cissy pointed her wand towards the door and muttered the locking charm. "So how did you get into the Gryffindor dormitory?" he asked, casually taking a seat on his four poster bed. "You mustn't have the password."

Cissy shrugged, "A Gryffindor boy in my year told it to me."

Sirius laughed, "You mean you flirted with him until he lost all sense of reason and would do anything you asked."

She smiled, "Don't tell me you've never done the same." She watched as Sirius coyly shrugged. "Of course you have."

"So, tell me," Sirius asked as he slid back against the headboard of his bed and pulled his knees into his chest. "What 'family matter' do you need to discuss with me?"

Cissy sighed and sat down on the opposite side of the bed. Like all girls her age, her uniform skirt was short, well above her knees, and when she sat down it rode up high on the pale skin of her thigh. Sirius knew that this had to be a very distracting sight for most boys, but, as her cousin, he barely noticed her sex appeal. She wrapped her thin fingers around the bed post, as if gripping it for strength, and looked down at the floor. "I need your help," she said softly. "I need your help, but you can't tell anyone."

Her haughty confidence fell away from her as she continued. "You know about what's going to happen at the end of the month, don't you? About me at Beltane?"

Sirius felt his face redden as he looked down and nodded. Beltane was the holiday that took place half way between the first day of spring and the summer solstice. It marked the beginning of the planting season and on this day worshippers asked the Earth Goddess to bless the fields. To renew the fertility of the earth, a witch was chosen to give her virginity so that the crops would grow strong and plentiful. The witch must have come of age by the time of the ceremony and must have pure blood. All the Black women had taken part in the ritual, with the exception of Andromeda, who saw to it that she was no longer a virgin when her time came, thus disqualifying herself as a vessel for the goddess. It was a holy ceremony, an ancient agrarian ritual, yet Sirius found he could not think of it without blushing.

"Well, I'm…" Cissy hesitated and turned to him. "I'm scared, Sirius. I'm afraid of being alone in the field. What if my fear causes me to forget the magical incantations?"

Sirius and Narcissa were not close, so it surprised him that she was confiding something so personal. "Erm," he began uncomfortably, "maybe you can tell then that you aren't ready. They were able to find another girl on short notice when Andromeda couldn't do it."

Cissy shook her head. "I can't do that to my parents. They were devastated when Andromeda was prevented from attending the ceremony. They are counting on me to redeem the family. I must do it for them."

Sirius understood what she meant, but said nothing. He felt at a loss of how to reassure her.

"I'm not asking not to go to the field," Cissy continued. "I want to be the one. I just need you to do something for me." She looked at him, her eyes pleading. "Sirius, would you go with me? Could you hide nearby in a patch of trees until it's over?"

"Erm," Sirius wanted to help her, but he was unsure if he could. The ceremony was so mysterious and he wasn't sure he wanted to know what happened when the girl went alone into the field. "Why don't you ask one of your sisters?"

"MY sisters, are you joking?" Cissy snorted. "Bella would just laugh at me and call me weak. She would never help me this way. And Dromeda, well, she wants no part of any ritual." She leaned across the bed and looked desperately at him. "You and Regulus are as close to me as brothers. Please, Sirius, I need you."

Sirius looked back at her. She was a beautiful young woman. Her skin was soft and so fair that it was nearly transparent. Her hair was long and blond held it back from her face with a black velvet ribbon. The curve of her chin was elegant and Sirius' eyes followed it down to where he saw the delicate pulse moving quickly in and out on her slender, white neck. She was seventeen, nearly eighteen, but in that moment she appeared younger to him, as breakable as china figurine, in need of his care and protection. "Okay," he said in a low, barely audible voice. "I'll do it."

"Thank you," she said in a voice full of relief and gratitude. She slid across the bed to him and, in whispered tones, they planned their conspiracy.

* * *

The festival started out as all the others he attended in years past. The bonfires were lit, tables were set outside and a large feast was placed upon them by house elves. The foods served all represented spring and fertility – dishes made with eggs, lamb, veal, nuts, and seeds. The wine was infused with herbs and honey giving it the sweetness of spring. Musicians played drums, harps, flutes, and violins. The deep blue of the evening sky darkened as the worshippers finished their meals and began dancing around the bonfire. They wore robes of in bright, vibrant colors and in the light of the flickering flames, their movements looked to Sirius like a kaleidoscope come to life.

It was almost midnight when Narcissa emerged from the house. She wore a traditional light blue robe that trailed to the ground, nearly covering the toes of her bare feet. Her blond hair was loose and her eyes were covered by a jeweled mask that magically adhered without a strap. The music and dancing stopped as she approached the fire. The guests all bowed their heads as the priestesses who were there for the ceremony began to sing the traditional hymn. "Grace us with your bounty, Goddess of the Earth. To you we send the gift of this woman, pure of body and blood. Let virile God of Heaven will join with her and she will restore fertility to the land. The hallows of your earth guide us, the stars in the heavens show us His way, and we are ever grateful for the divine presence in our lives."

The hymn was repeated seven times, according to the magical tradition as Narcissa walked in a circle around the bonfire. While the worshippers were all intent upon the ceremony, Sirius slipped away into the night. He heard when the hymn ended and the low, harmonious chanting began and knew that Cissy was making her way towards the fields. When Cissy was no longer visible to the worshipers, the drumming began again and the dancing resumed. This would go on all night as the chosen girl waited alone in the field.

But this time she wouldn't be alone. Sirius crouched in a line of trees at the edge of the estate, scanning the empty field for signs of movement. The moon shone brightly over the muddy ground and illuminated stands of mist the rested low upon it. The air was fragrant with the earthy smell of fresh dirt and peat. An owl hooted, but other than that it was deathly silent. He was too far away from the bonfire to hear the music of the festival that celebrating the gift of a bountiful earth that Cissy was about to procure for them.

And then he saw her. She walked slowly yet purposefully closer to where he hid. Her feet were lost in the mist and her graceful gait made it appear that she were flying upright towards him. A soft breeze lifted her hair and, as she grew closer, he saw how the breeze flattened the robe against her body, outlining her legs and breasts. "Are you there?" she asked in a low tone.

Sirius looked around to make sure they were alone. "Yes," he answered.

"Thank you," she said softly. They were silent for awhile. Sirius watched as Cissy stood still, scanning the horizon. "I think I see him," she whispered.

"Remember, I'm here if you need me," Sirius said, feeling for the first time a bit jealous of the man on whose arrival they waited.

"Shhh," Cissy hushed him, whispering. "He can't know you're here."

Sirius turned and looked towards the east from where the man approached. He wore animal skins to denote his virility, the successful hunter. His eyes were also masked, as the two that would join must never know the others identity. As he came closer Sirius could see that the man's hair was curly, golden, and somewhat long, giving him a handsome, wild look. He walked slowly and confidently on the barren ground. This mist grew weak and disappeared as he passed.

Cissy watched him as he approached her. Her expression was fearless; she had been waiting for this all her life. Her hands that had been resting by her side slowly rose up to the neck of her robe and her pale, slender fingers undid the top button. Her fingers slowly moved down to her breasts and she undid the button there. They moved further down and rested for a moment on her stomach before she unclasped the next button. She seemed to be a bit more tentative as, with her robe loose and fluttering, her fingers worked the final button. The breeze caught her open robe and it blew behind her like a cape, exposing her naked, white body to the man and to Sirius who hid, watching, unable to turn away.

She held her hands out to her side as if she expected to fly away into the night. The wind grew stronger, pulling the robe higher above the ground, baring the back of her and making her look even more naked, yet more powerful, as her blond hair blew wildly around her masked eyes. Her figure was thin and lithe. Her breasts were small, but round and firm. Her body had been waxed of hair so that she looked both innocent and devastatingly erotic at the same time. The man was closer now, just a few meters away from her, and Sirius saw Cissy shrug the robe from her arms. It flew off behind her, leaving her completely unclothed before the masked stranger. It surprised him that she continued to stand bravely, making no attempt to cover herself before him.

The man stopped then. He unlashed the skins he wore and dropped them into the space between himself and Cissy so that they made a soft bed of animal fur. The man's body was muscular and the hard evidence of his arousal pointed towards her. As was custom, he remained still, waiting for her sign.

After a moment, Cissy nodded silently and he moved closer, he placed his hands on her shoulders and kissed her tenderly on the lips. She responded and kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him closer. They remained locked in this embrace until he broke away from her lips and his mouth moved down her throat. Sirius once again found himself unable to turn away as the man reached for her breasts and took one into his mouth. He saw Cissy closed her eyes, a ghost of a smile played on her lips as the man continued, eventually moving on to the other breast, his fingers playing on the wet nipple he had just abandoned. After some time, she placed her hands on the man's shoulders and he looked up as they slowly knelt down together on the fur blanket. Cissy released him and began to lie backwards, resting on her elbows, her knees upward toward heaven. She looked towards the man who knelt before her as her knees fell softly away to the side, opening herself like a flower to the bright, morning sun. The man bowed down before her, his head just below her abdomen. He remained there, his tongue tracing the delicate petals and preparing her for what would come next. Sirius heard Cissy gasp. It wasn't a gasp of fear, but one of surprised pleasure. He heard her cry out as one does when she sees a spectacular sunset or is surprised by a lover's gift of a perfect rose. Sirius wondered if she was possessed by the Goddess as her head tilted sensually backward and she arched her back, shuddering, or if possession by the Divine and orgasm were one and the same.

When her cries ended and she grew silent again, the man sat back on his heals. Cissy rose to her knees to face him, her body glistening in the moonlight. She was ready now. The man leaned backward, sinking into the damp ground so that all Sirius could see of him was the erection that pointed toward heaven. Cissy moved above him and lowered her body slowly down to take him inside her. Loudly she spoke the incantation, letting the Gods know that heaven and earth had joined. Sirius heard their breaths quicken and moan like wind through the trees on a stormy night. He felt oddly jealous of this stranger whose body Cissy had taken. The man, invisible under the moving body of Cissy, finally called out, shouting in the sacred tongue his praises for the Divine, telling them that his seed had been given to the Goddess.

The man left soon afterward, leaving the animal skins behind and walking away naked. When he was out of sight Sirius got up from his hiding place and walked out into the field. He picked up Cissy's robe from where it lay in a crumpled heap and walked up behind her. "Here," he said, handing the robe over to her. He shielded his eyes modestly, although at this point it was just pretense.

"Thanks," she said, taking it from him without turning around. She slipped the robe over her shoulders and began to button it. "You can go if you want. Someone will come to get me at dawn."

"I'll stay with you until then," Sirius said and he took a seat behind her, his back to her. Slowly she leaned against him so that their backs touched. Together they adjusted their postures until they rested against the other's back like a chair. He was afraid to look at her, fearful that she would know that he had seen everything.

"I'm not ashamed," she reassured him, sensing his discomfort. "I did a good thing. The crops and flowers will flourish this year because of me."

Sirius was not sure that he shared her belief, but he didn't want to spoil her euphoria. "So, what was it like?" He asked with the curiosity of youth.

"You mean..." Cissy paused and then giggled. "It was Great!" she confided, happily.

"Really?" Sirius laughed with her. "It looked, I don't know, awkward."

"It wasn't awkward at all! It was like flying on a broom. I felt happy, free, like there were butterflies in my stomach, but in a good way." Cissy continued, telling him all the details of the experience and Sirius listened without embarrassment. They talked all night about sex, friendship, her sisters, Regulus, their friends, boys she fancied, girls that had caught his eye. She told him that she would undergo the religious training that was expected of her and that she hoped, one day, to get married and have children. When morning came and he had to leave, Sirius wished that he and Cissy could stay this close to him forever.

They grew apart over the years, eventually choosing opposing sides in the Great War, but Cissy remained with him. It was she who filled his fantasies during the nights of his youth when he awoke from dreams, aching to fulfill unquenched desire. She was there the first time when he was baptized into manhood by a woman whose tiny, attic bedroom smelled of candle wax. He saw her, moonlit and naked, in the Room of Requirement where he furtively took his girlfriends to shag uninterrupted in the darkness. And, during his years in the Order, when he shared the beds of many nameless women, trying without success to forget the man he truly loved, he made love to her again and again as her lovely body arched towards him and shook with pleasure. To him, she would always be the Goddess of the earth, the Goddess of love, the symbol of sexuality and fertility, of innocence and erotic womanhood. It was only when he made love to Remus that he was blind to the beautiful vision of his cousin, Narcissa Malfoy.

_Thank you, RemusSirius23, Moony's Daughter, Shiny Objects, Prfm, Malianani, and Clare Mansfield. This story is not getting a lot of reviews, but I hope that those of you keeping silent are enjoying it._


	16. Private Pain

_A/N: As you probably noticed, many of the chapters flow directly into one another. _Legacy's Children_ ends with Sirius seeing Draco Malfoy and the next chapter, _Goddess of the Earth _deals directly with Sirius's memory of Draco's mother. The next few chapters are about Sirius' actions during that time. And Slash returns! _

_The reference to Sirius' father coming to Hogwarts to see him comes from a chapter in _The Secret Keepers _entitled **La Bete Noir**._

**16. Private Pain**

It was when he watched the owl circling away from him that he realized the irony of his distraught letter to Harry. Having just received Harry's account of being alone in the forest with Viktor Krum and coming across a delirious Barty Crouch, Sirius reacted with pure instinct and wrote back to Harry, making him promise not to do anything so reckless every again. It was ironic because Harry showed the same disregard for safety as his father and Sirius had had at that age – the same disregard that Sirius continued to have. It amused Sirius that he was acting as a parent would have, lashing out in an effort to protect. "Well, how most parents would act," Sirius thought to himself. His own parents had never shown that kind of concern. They never cared whether he lived or died or went to Azkaban, or, at least, that was what Sirius had convinced himself of until one day, right before James' death, when he was presented with evidence that made him question that belief.

He was with James and Lily at their house and Dumbledore had just arrived. They knew he had important information, but the look on his face let them know just how grave that information was to them.

"It's Harry he wants," Dumbledore told them. He was sitting in a large armchair, facing James and Lily who sat together on the sofa. "I heard this from someone deep inside the organization, someone who Voldemort trusts. There is no mistake."

"But why?" Lily asked. Her face was ashen, as if unable to absorb the shock. James placed his arm around her shoulder, pulling her near, drawing in her strength. Sirius sat in another chair, looking from them to Dumbledore, trying to make sense of what he heard.

"There was a prophecy of a child who would destroy the Dark Lord. Harry meets the description within that prophecy," Dumbledore answered. "Other children do as well, mind you, but he has decided it is Harry; therefore, Harry and you both are in danger."

"What can we do?" James asked, sitting up tall. His child's life was threatened and he was ready to fight.

"You're best option for protecting your son is to go into hiding right now. The Fidelis charm will protect Harry." Dumbledore's words were firm, but grave. "I can be your Secret Keeper."

"Right now? We have to go into hiding right now?" Lily asked. She looked around the room quickly, trying to calculate all the things that needed to be done.

"Well, I'd suggest right now, but in reality you have a couple days at most. The Order just made a big breakthrough based on some intelligence from our Muggle sources. He'll need time to recover from that before he makes another move," Dumbledore told her. "But I wouldn't wait too long."

"I need to say goodbye to my friends," Lily said. "I need to make an excuse or they will worry. And I need some things for the baby."

"We will do it tomorrow," James declared in a voice that declared he was now taking charge of his situation. "That will give Lily the time she needs. Sirius," he said turning to his best friend. "I'd like you to be the Secret Keeper. Dumbledore, I appreciate your offer, but you have a school to run and everyone in the Order counts on you. It would be selfish of me to have you do this as well. Sirius is my best friend and Harry's godfather. If he is willing…"

"Of course I am," Sirius said.

They all agreed and Dumbledore began teaching them the charm and the necessary incantations. When they had finished their preparations Lily sighed, "I just don't understand. What type of person would want to hurt a child?"

Sirius snorted, "Dark Wizards don't value children the way others do. Take my parents, for example: once I turned away from them, they never made an effort to speak to me again."

"That's not true," James reminded him. "Your father came to Hogwarts right before we graduated. He tried to bring you back into the family."

"And there were other times that your mother contacted me because she was concerned about you," Dumbledore added.

"WHAT!" Sirius turned to Dumbledore. This was the first time he had heard this and the revelation shocked him. "WHEN?"

"Right after the Christmas holiday when you left home she sent me a letter, requesting to meet with me. I went to see her at her office at the ministry." Dumbledore scanned their surprised faces. "I'm sorry. Perhaps I should have told you. At the time I thought you would be angry with me for meeting with her."

"He probably would have," James answered for the still stunned Sirius. "What did she say?"

Dumbledore sat back in the armchair and recalled his meeting with Walburga Black.

* * *

He was let into her office by her secretary, a young man with dark hair and piercing black eyes. "Professor Dumbledore to see you, Madam Black," he announced after opening the heavy oak doors.

Walburga Black stood from behind her dark mahogany desk. Dumbledore could smell the lemony scent of the highly polished wood mixed with the musk of the old leather chairs that surrounded it. "Thank you, Tariq," she said, nodding to her secretary as she approached her guest. She wore high, spiked heels that made her a towering presence. "It's good to see you, Albus." She held out her hand to him and he shook it. Her grasp was warm and firm. "I appreciate you coming to see me," she told him, motioning him to one of the leather armchairs. "Take a seat, please." She smiled as she spoke to him, but Dumbledore suspected the pleasantries would not continue for long.

Dumbledore inspected his hostess as she sat in the armchair across from him. Her dark hair was pulled back in a chignon and her make up was flawless. Her eyes were lined with kohl and her red lipstick had been freshly applied. She wore a black wool suit with a short jacket that tapered to her narrow waist. The lapels reached towards her shoulders displaying a V of white skin from her throat to her bust line, highlighted by a pentangle necklace with jewels the color of stag's blood. Garnets, he believed those stones were called. Her skirt was long, slim, and slit up the side so that when she crossed her shapely legs, it showed a flash of her thigh. Dumbledore wondered if she intended to enamor him with her lovely appearance or if she considered such feminine tricks to be beneath someone of her stature within the magical community. In any case, he was immune to them, although he doubted she knew that.

"I'm sure I don't have to tell someone in your position how difficult teenagers can be," she began. "They can be stubborn, volatile, unwilling to listen to reason, and disrespectful."

Dumbledore smiled back at her. "Of course they can be all those things, but they can also be polite, quizzical, and passionate about those things they believe in."

"Yes, well…," Walburga Black cleared her throat and began again. "You may have heard that my son, Sirius, and I had a disagreement recently."

Dumbledore expression grew grave and he nodded. "I heard he left home and is living with the Potters."

"Temporarily," she corrected him with a smile. "I expect he regrets leaving us now, but because he is stubborn he will not apologize. I asked you here today, Albus, to engage your assistance in convincing my son that he made a mistake. I know he won't listen to me or his father right now because he is angry, but I know he respects you and your opinion. Can I count on you for this?"

"So, if I understand correctly what you're asking me, you would like me to convince Sirius to stand with his family in support of Voldemort?" Dumbledore struggled to keep his tone level.

Walburga waved her hand as if to bat his words away. "THAT is only a small piece of it. My children, as well as my nieces, were raised in privilege. What they fail to understand it that this privilege, the power that the Black family has enjoyed for so many years, should not be taken lightly. Magic was given to us by the gods and we made a promise to uphold Their traditions in exchange for the power that magic, especially dark magic, affords us. To let that power be chipped away at by non-believers, Mudbloods, and blood traitors, is blasphemous. We have no choice but to support him. If we do not, then everything will be lost. Sirius is caught up in some misguided notion that power can be shared among all magical people. Perhaps some day he will realize his error, but it is my fear that he will realize this after it is too late. He needs to see that he needs to be with his family now."

"My dear lady," Dumbledore said, rising from his seat. "I've known the man who calls himself Lord Voldemort for many years. If you believe that he intends to share power with any of the original families, including the Blacks, then you are sorely mistaken. That man wants power only to aggrandize himself. I know you are a woman of faith, a follower of the old ways and ancient traditions that protect the earth and encourage all to respect the beauty of nature; but you must believe me when I tell you that he shares none of those values. If you follow him, then it will be you, not Sirius, who realizes too late your error in judgment." He nodded his head towards her. "Good day," he said as he turned to leave.

When he reached the door he glanced back at her one last time. Her sadness was visible in her beautiful features and he wondered if she recognized the truth in his words or if she was just disappointed by his refusal to help her.

* * *

Sirius at there stunned as he tried to process what Dumbledore had just told him. For so many years he was convinced that his mother had chosen not to think of him, but she had tried to bring him back into her life, albeit to further her own cause. "Were there other times? Did she ever ask you again to speak to me?"

"Yes," Dumbledore nodded cautiously. "She came unannounced to Hogwarts, but you weren't there. She tried to get to you by extorting me and I'm afraid I didn't react very well. I didn't tell you about it and I'm sorry. It was selfish of me, but I didn't want her to think her tactics worked."

"What happened?" Sirius asked.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and told them the story of his encounter.

* * *

He was in his office when he heard the commotion in the hall. "You can't go in there!" Minerva McGonagall was saying in a loud commanding voice. "I will see if the headmaster has time to meet with you, if you wish."

"Oh, I'm sure he can make time," a familiar haughty voice insisted.

Dumbledore sighed, got up from his desk, and opened his door. "I can see Madam Black now, Minerva." Professor McGonagall nodded and backed away.

"Thank you," Walburga Black said with authority as she brushed past Professor McGonagall and began her way up the stone staircase, the tall heels of her shiny black patent leather shoes tapping on the stairs as she did so. She wore a long, black fur coat over a blood-red dress with a low, scooped neck that was cinched at her narrow waist with a thick belt that matched her shoes and emphasized the dress' full skirt and her feminine silhouette. Her earrings were large loops in the shape of silver snakes with diamonds for eyes. Diamond-eyed snakes twisted through the pentangle pendant at the base of her throat creating a pattern in silver that resembled a Celtic knot. Her hair was a pile of curls fastened with silver combs on the top of her head. She took off her coat and placed in on the back of the chair he offered to her and sat down. She kept her back straight and her head held high as she addressed him. "I'm here to see my son; but his headmistress refused to find him for me."

"Sirius is away right now attending the funeral of his roommate's parents, the Lupins. Regulus, however, is most likely on the Quidditch pitch practicing, but I can summon him for you if you like," Dumbledore offered.

She waved her hand as if this offer was not acceptable. "When will Sirius be back?"

"I'm not sure. He is staying with his friend for several days, but may I remind you, Madam Black, that Sirius came of age last year. You have no claim on him now. If he wants to see you, he will do so. It is his decision. I do not allow estranged parents to force themselves on their unwilling offspring."

Walburga smiled at him. "Is this because of my political views or has that always been a rule at Hogwarts?"

"It has always been a rule, but you know how I feel about your political views," Dumbledore responded calmly.

"Do I?" She asked, feigning innocence. "There seems to be some question on where you stand." With that she snapped her long, manicured fingers and a photograph appeared in her hand. She stood up from her chair and walked slowly over to the desk where he sat. She placed the photograph on the desk, turned it so that it faced Dumbledore, and pushed it towards him.

It had been years since he had seen that photo but he knew the image that was etched in his memory. They were young then, just boys really, and everything seemed possible: knowledge, immortality, power, love. His heart ached as he looked into the boy's bright eyes and watched as he moved in the photo, shaking his blond head as he laughed with the joy of youth. He looked at the boys lips that were moist and full as they smiled at him and…

"He's a good looking bloke," Walburga noted, breaking his trance. "You both were."

"It was a long time ago," Dumbledore stated without emotion, trying unsuccessfully to pull his eyes away from the photo.

"That may be, and it's true that most people don't keep the memories of hard times for very long; however, they can be reminded of any unpleasant or controversial incidents from the past. Those who never knew, those who never even suspected can be enlightened. Many might find the news shocking; perhaps unforgivable."

"Then you'll also have to remind people that it was I that imprisoned him. I realized my error and made up for it."

"Ahh, but damage had been done, hadn't it? Do you expect people to be understanding?" She laughed, "I'm afraid you'll find that many parents aren't as…." she paused for effect, "tolerant of past indiscretions as I can be."

The way she emphasized the word "tolerant" made Dumbledore unsure as to which indiscretion she was referring. She obviously knew that he had once joined with another who sought absolute power, but did she also know of his personal connection with the man? Did she know about the intimacy that still pained him to live without, even after so much time?

With great strength he turned the photo around and handed it back to her. "Go ahead," he told her calmly. "I am not ashamed. The young make mistakes. As you said before, teenagers are rebellious, foolish, and headstrong, and I was no exception. I am proud that I had the strength to walk away. Yes, I did irreparable damage, but I left before I did any more. And I made sure that he would do no more." He stood up and indicated that their meeting was over. "Sirius is not here, Madam. He is stronger than I was at his age and he is not seduced by the promise of power. You should be proud of him."

Walburga let out a frustrated sigh and stood up. The setting November sun shone brightly through the window and onto her face, casting her in its ochre glow. It was then he noticed the lines of age that had not been visible in their previous meetings. Her carefully coiffed hair was now flecked with strands of grey. She was suffering, he knew. She was searching for someone to support her, someone strong like Sirius who could join with the Dark Lord and persuade him to give the Blacks the power they needed to protect their gods and turn the wizarding world back to its old ways. At one time she must have thought Bellatrix would do that, but it was increasingly obvious that Bellatrix was too far taken with the man and his mission, and not interested in pursuing her aunt's agenda. Sirius was her only hope, but Dumbledore would not let her have him. He would not let what happened to him, happen to Sirius.

"At least will you tell him that I was here and I want to see him?" she asked before she picked up her coat, held it fast in her arms, and walked across the room towards the door. She took his silence for ascent, but Dumbledore was too angry, too raw with past pain, to acquiesce to her request.

* * *

"Did she follow through on her threat to expose you?" James asked.

Dumbledore shook his head and turned to Sirius, who was unable to speak. "Your mother is not a vengeful person. She knew there was nothing to gain by hurting me. She just wanted you."

Sirius' mind was swimming with the picture of his mother at Hogwarts. What would have happened if he had been there? Would he have chosen to see her, if for no reason but that she was his mother and she was making an effort? Would things have been different for him now if he had?

But he had not been there. Instead he was with Remus continuing the explore the private pleasures that they had just discovered in Remus' bed. He remembered Remus lying beside him, slowly drawing his fingers across Sirius' face, over his eyelids, the bristly stubble on his cheeks, and stopping at his parted lips. He remembered how Remus rolled on top of him, kissing him tenderly as his tongue explored Sirius' mouth, searching for the answer as to why their friendship had taken this turn. . "Take me," Remus commanded him breathlessly. "Have me like you've had your other lovers."

And far away, in that same moment, his mother rode away from Hogwarts, her family and her future disintegrating around her.

_Tell me what you think! I really appreciate the reviews and PMs. Thanks for taking the time to read this._


	17. Blood from the Stag

_This chapter begins where the last one left off, with Sirius just learning of his mother's attempts to contact him through Dumbledore. I know it appears that I'm veering away from canon, but trust me - I wouldn't do that!_

**17. Blood from the Stag**

The rooms of the Potter's Godric's Hollow home, which had once been so familiar to him, now seemed like a confusing maze as Sirius wandered through the first floor of James' house, trying to take in all that he had just learned about his mother's attempts to reach him. Dumbledore had returned to Hogwarts and Lily and James were upstairs saying goodnight to Harry, leaving Sirius alone with his thoughts. He had been so sure that his family had abandoned him; that he was just as much an orphan as Remus was following his parents' death when they came together to heal their shared sense of loss. But the knowledge that his parents had still considered him their son stirred something deep inside him, closing the door on the life he believed he led and sending him down the twisted blind alleys of memory.

Sirius remembered when his father met him in Hogsmeade right before he finished school and how Orion had encouraged Sirius to rejoin their family. He remembered how his father had thought him naïve for labeling the Blacks "Dark Wizards" when they believed themselves to be merely "traditionalists." He told Sirius then that family mattered above all else. Sirius did not take him up on his offer to come home and he never saw his father again. At first he wondered why his father had given up so easily, but a year later the reason was laid forth before him on the pages of the daily prophet:

_The magical community mourns the loss of Orion Black, who passed away two days ago following a year long illness. Mr. Black, a member of one of the most ancient and noble wizarding families, is survived by his wife, Walburga, his son Regulus, his son Sirius, from whom he was estranged, and numerous other relatives. He was buried in the family crypt in a graveyard near his family home at number twelve, Grimmauld Place._

_The Black family was beset by another tragedy this week when Orion Black's brother-in-law, Cygnus Black was killed by a Muggle automobile while searching for his nephew to inform him of Orion Black's death. "The Black family, like many old pure-blood families, has made a habit of insulating themselves from the greater world," commented one Ministry official, who asked not to be named. "It is no wonder that Cygnus Black was unfamiliar with the danger associated with Muggle transportation vehicles." Cygnus Black was the brother of Walburga Black. He was predeceased by his brother, Alphard. He leaves his wife, Druella, three daughters, and two grandchildren._

When he had read the obituary years ago, Sirius had assumed that it was Regulus for whom Uncle Cygnus was searching when he died. But as he listened to James' footsteps descending the staircase back into the living room, Sirius realized that his uncle had been searching for him. The family would have known where Regulus was. Regulus had always tried hard to please his parents and keep peace within the family. He most likely would have been by his mother's side when Orion Black passed away. Either Regulus or Walburga must have sent Cygnus to find Sirius, whose whereabouts were unknown to them.

"Do you want a firewhiskey?" James asked, breaking Sirius' trance.

"Yes," Sirius sighed. "I think I need one."

James walked over to the cabinet, found a bottle and two glasses and poured the drinks. Sirius drained his glass quickly and James refilled it. "Are you thinking about what Dumbledore told you? About your mother?"

Sirius nodded. "I was so sure that they had just forgotten about me. Andromeda worked hard to make the family leave her alone and let her live her life, but me," he snapped his fingers. "I just disappeared. Or so I thought. It's like, I was an orphan, but now I know that I have parents, at least one parent, even though she's not a very good one."

James reached over and refilled his own glass. "Parenting is hard, Padfoot. I didn't know how hard it was until we had Harry. It's wonderful, don't get me wrong, but it's tough. Being a father has made me much less judgmental when it comes to evaluating the mistakes of others, including your parents. In any case, who am I to judge anyone? I'm the one who placed my own child in danger."

"That's not true!" Sirius said quickly. "You heard Dumbledore. Voldemort's reacting to a stupid prophecy."

"And Dumbledore said that prophecy could pertain to any number of children, but for some reason, he decided to pick mine." James sighed. "It's because of me, Padfoot. I know it is. If I hadn't fought so vehemently against him all these years, he would have left Harry alone." James put his head in his hands, hiding his tearful eyes.

Sirius wanted desperately to comfort his friend. He wanted to tell James that there was some other explanation, some way that James' reading of the situation was wrong, but all the words that came to him seemed meaningless and trite. The past could not be changed. Harry was in danger now and protecting him was all that mattered.

But as they sat there quietly together, Sirius dwelt upon James' words. It was more than likely that there was something that brought Harry to the Dark Lord's attention more so than other children, and perhaps that factor was the Dark Lord's desire to destroy the charismatic James Potter. James' demise would certainly be a great blow to the Order, and Voldemort had probably considered this to his benefit. Sirius closed his eyes at the thought of life without James. It was there, inside the darkness behind his lids, that he saw the faint light of an idea growing brighter as the plan took form. "I am your family now," James had told him when Sirius was all alone, orphaned. Now Sirius' mother was alone while James struggled to protect the family he had built. Sirius opened his eyes and looked at James, but instead of his friends bent figure, he saw the way that he could give a gift just as great as the one that James, Lily, and Harry had given to him.

"Do you trust me, Prongs?" he asked James.

"Of course," James answered, looking up. "I trust you with my life, with my son's life."

"Then I need you to do something for me." Sirius stood and motioned James to follow him into the dining room. He stood at the head of the table and pointed James toward a chair. "Sit there," he said and James sat down without asking why. There were two candlesticks on the table and Sirius lit them with his wand. He extinguished all the other lights in the house so that only the golden glow of the candles illuminated James' face, the flames reflecting off his glasses.

Sirius opened the glass door of the china cabinet and pulled out a cut crystal goblet. It was beautifully made, expensive, and heavy in his hand. "This will do," he said and walked to take a seat at the table across from James. He placed the goblet between the two candlesticks and watched how the candlelight bounced off the crystal and made little rainbows on the tablecloth.

He took a deep breath and looked at James. "Do you still trust me?" he asked, partly in jest. James looked back at him and nodded. He face showed no confusion or astonishment, only calm and acceptance. His complete faith in Sirius confirmed for Sirius what he was about to do. "Place your left elbow on the table and reach your left hand over the goblet to me," he told James.

James complied and Sirius did the same, holding James hand firmly in his, their fingers entwined. "Keep looking at me and don't pull away," he instructed. "This may hurt." Then, with his wand in his right hand, Sirius cut James' left wrist and slit his own. James' gaze never wavered from Sirius' as they heard the ringing splash of their blood flowing and mingled into the crystal goblet.

"It's dark magic," Sirius said calmly, keeping his eyes fixed on James. "I didn't think you would approve if I told you."

"I wouldn't have," James chuckled. "What does it do?"

"It's a fidelity charm," Sirius told him. "It binds us together in blood and assures that we will always be faithful to one another. It is used at weddings to create a bond between husband and wife, but old families still use it sometimes to strengthen important business partnerships. It is also used when children are adopted as a pledge by the parents that they will always put the child's needs before their own.

"You told me once that you used to believe that you had a brother and how you thought when you met me that I was him. You also told me that we didn't need blood between us because our connection, our choice to be best friends was even stronger. And that may be true, but…" Sirius looked down to the goblet that was filling with crimson and then back at his friend. "But things are different now. You are bound to Lily through marriage and Harry is a part of you. I am a part of you, too – all of you – through the friendship, trust, and love you three have given to me."

Sirius paused for a moment, trying to find the words for what he was about to say. "Prongs, I have to do something now. Something that, if all goes well, will change this situation we are in and save Harry. You may hear stories about me in the future. Tales about how I betrayed you and I need you to know that I would never do that. You can always trust me. This…" he indicated the goblet of blood between them, "is my assurance to you. When we are done, you can be certain that I will never be able to betray you, even if I wanted to."

Sirius lifted his wand and looked down at the goblet. It was half full of their combined blood. "I think we're done," he said. He pointed his wand at James' bleeding wrist. "Episkey," he muttered and then turned the wand to his own wrist and did the same. The healing spell was not one of his better skills and he frowned at the long, ugly, red scar that appeared. But there was more work to do. He turned his attention back to the goblet of blood and began saying the incantation, calling upon gods in whom he did not believe to strengthen their union and bless the bond of faithfulness that now existed between them. He tapped the goblet with his wand and the crystal rang clear like a bell while a pink ribbon of smoke rose up circled them, then flowed out the chimney.

The two men sat silently watching the ribbon rise from the goblet until all their joined blood had disappeared. When the ribbon has ended, James looked down into the empty goblet. "What are you going to do?" he asked quietly.

"I'm going to go see her," Sirius told him. "I'm going to offer myself in exchange for Harry. If anyone has the fortitude to convince the Dark Lord to change course, it is her."

"Sirius…" James began and Sirius found it shocking to hear James use his given name after so much time. They had begun using nicknames so long ago that Padfoot and Prongs were second nature to them. They always called Peter and Remus by their nicknames as well, although Remus and Sirius dispensed with that tradition when they were alone.

"Don't," Sirius cut across softly. "Don't try to stop me. I've already made up my mind. I want to do this for you."

"But the Fidelius Charm…Dumbledore said," James stuttered.

Sirius shook his head. "But then we would be running from him until this is over. No, James. Until today I didn't think she would have me and now, after what Dumbledore told me, I believe she will take me in. I think this can work."

"And if she doesn't?"

"Then I will be back. I will be your Secret Keeper and protect you, Lily, and Harry with my life." Sirius turned away from James pleading gaze. There were more things he wanted to say, a part of his soul that he wanted to open, but the fear of that intimacy kept him back. He was afraid that if he said any more or heard any more of what James might choose to say, then he would not be able to leave. "The best thing you can do for me now, James, is to remember me as your best friend and know that I, whatever I become, will always be faithful to our friendship."

* * *

The further Sirius got from James' house, the stronger he felt. Harry was his godson and, while the tradition had no significance for him, its intention did. It was Sirius' job to protect Harry when his parents could not, and he was ready to do that.

As he got closer to his flat he saw a figure sitting on the staircase outside. The street was dark and the lamp over the front door had burned out. "Lumos!" he commanded and suddenly the landing was bathed in yellow light, illuminating the familiar figure who sat there. Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. "It's only you."

"Were you expecting someone dangerous?" Remus asked.

Sirius shook his head. "No, I didn't expect anyone."

"Are you okay?" Remus asked.

"Of course, I'm just tired," Sirius lied. He told Remus about James and Lily going into hiding and how he would be their Secret Keeper. He did not tell Remus his plan and his hope that the Fidelius charm would never need to be cast.

"Do you want me to leave?" Remus asked, standing up to face him.

"No" Sirius said softly, rising to meet him. He walked the few steps between them, placed his hands on Remus' shoulders and kissed him. "Stay."

_..._


	18. The Price of Salvation

_As promised, this chapter picks up where the last one left off. One of the goal of this story is to show the ambiguousness of human nature. No person is 100% bad or 100% without faults._

**18. The Price of Salvation**

When it was over he felt Remus rise from the bed. Sirius watched while Remus dressed in the bedroom's half light. He usually pretended to be asleep when Remus prepared to leave, hoping to avoid the questions he knew he should either ask or answer: what are we doing? Did you enjoy that? Can I see you again? Why can't we stop? Do you love me? This time there was no point in learning the answers. Remus picked up his shoes and headed for the bedroom door. "Remus," Sirius whispered. Remus turned around to face him. "I'm glad you came here tonight."

Remus smiled and nodded. "I am, too." He hesitated as if trying to find the words they both longed to say. The silence grew too long and the discomfort showed in both their faces. "Well," Remus began. "Good night."

"Good-bye" Sirius replied. The significance of his words was lost on his unsuspecting lover.

* * *

The day was sunny and warm, without a cloud in the sky. Wind blew the dry leaves past him and Sirius realized that Halloween was only a few days away, followed by the Day of Blood. It seemed so long ago that he stood in the church with James and Harry, repeating the vicars words and then, in secret, saying the ancient prayer that James loved so much. If all went as planned, he would be celebrating Halloween the old way by dancing before bonfires, praising old gods and goddesses, and shagging the vampire whose breasts grew round and lips grew full and red when she drank the blood of a stag.

He apparated in the small park across from Grimmauld Place. The neighborhood was shabbier than he remembered, as was their house. Perhaps it had always been that way and he hadn't noticed it when he was younger. It was, after all, as ancient as the city itself. It stood taller than the houses that surrounded it and the rooms on the very top had been occupied by Regulus and Sirius when they were boys. He remembered how they would look through their windows and marvel at the view, while laughing with the knowledge that their Muggle neighbors could not see them.

The curtains were drawn in the windows that faced him and Sirius tried to imagine what was going on inside. He expected that the staff of House Elves was preparing the noon meal, which at one time was a major task to feed such a large, extended family with many live-in guests, but now he wondered who besides his mother lived there or if she lived alone. The thought of a single person wandering the many dark, empty rooms depressed him as did the thought that, if all went well, he would soon be there as well. He took a deep breath and crossed the street.

The door was big and painted black with a silver doorbell in the image of a snake. Sirius still remembered the incantation to unlock the door, but he decided instead to ring the bell. It was not his house any more. He heard the loud chimes inside and imagined the sound of excited House Elves disapparating in the kitchen and apparating in the front hall. Soon his heard the bolts unlocking and the door opened with a loud creak. Kreacher peered up at him.

"I'm here to see my mother, Kreacher," Sirius said in a voice that did not betray his mixed emotions.

"Mistress will not allow Master Sirius in her house," Kreacher told him with obvious glee.

"That may be, but I am still a Black and you are required to do as I say." Sirius stared at Kreacher, whose look of defiance melted. "Find my mother for me."

"I will tell my Mistress that you are here. Wait outside!" And then Kreacher shut the door with a loud bang. In a few moments the door swung open again. "She will speak to you, but you must remain on the landing." He opened the door all the way. The October sun was bright that morning and, in its glare, Sirius could see no more than the black robe of the shadowy figure that stood beyond the threshold.

"Hello, Mother," Sirius said, bowing his head slightly with respect. "Thank you for seeing me."

"What do you want, Sirius," she said quickly. Her voice, while similar to what he remembered, had become rusty with age. In the darkness of the hall he could not make out her features, but could determine that she had grown thinner. The womanly curves that had once defined her statuesque figure had disappeared. Her hair was covered with a dark shawl.

"I want to come home." He said it quickly and waited for her response. When she didn't respond he added, "My side is losing. He gains more power everyday. I want to claim my rightful place among the pure-blooded."

She laughed. "You're many things, Sirius, but don't try and make me believe you are a coward!"

"I am your son. Is that not reason enough for you to take me in?"

"Mercy is a Christian virtue and, therefore, not one of mine" she said dismissively. "You left us. You refused our overtures. No, being my son is not enough. You need to beg for my forgiveness, make amends for your decision to abandon all that we stand for, and, above all, make me believe that you are sincere, because I don't believe that you are." Her voice was loud and animated.

"I am sincere!" Sirius shouted back. "I need to be back in the family! I need you! I need…" Sirius stopped suddenly as he found himself becoming angry, desperate, and emotional.

"You need what?" Walburga asked.

Sirius sighed. "James Potter's son is in danger and I need to save him. Voldemort seems to think that this child is a threat to him because of some prophecy. He needs to be convinced that the prophecy was wrong."

"Prophecies are rarely wrong," she responded with expertise, "although they are often misinterpreted. It makes a difference if he heard the prophecy himself or if someone relayed it to him. In any case, what does this half-blood child's life have to do with me?"

"Does everything always come down to blood-status with you? Would it make a difference if Harry was a pure-blood? You always cared so much about gods and goddesses, Mother. How come you can't have the same amount of concern for people?"

"Sirius," she began calmly. "Your father and I tried to teach you that you can measure a man or woman by how they treat those beneath them. Do they care for their House Elves? Do they treat their employees with respect? Are they humane when they slaughter their animals? Do they see the soil beneath their feet as sacred or as dirt? When they sit down to a meal, are they grateful to the girl who gave herself so that the harvest could be fruitful?

"In the same way, a person can be judged by the gods he worships. Is his god a tyrant who demands sacrifice and punishes those who do not comply with his will? Does he give to women the same power and respect he allocates to men? Does the god concern himself with minute questions of morality such as who and how many have entered our beds? Is only one sexual orientation considered correct while is another deemed sinful? You know your Uncle Alphard disappointed me in many ways, but never did I judged him based on those he chose to love.

"Our gods and goddesses are not concerned with the trivial matters within human existance. Nature and spirit is all that matters. Nature is a goddess - a lover who is soft and tender in youth, but develops skills and confidence as she matures and the seasons pass. The human spirit is a god who allows us to believe, to think, to love, to hurt, and to practice magic. They make the crops grow and the stars shine. They do not give us answers, but entrust in us the ability to find the right way by listening to the earth, following the spirit of heaven, and being thoughtful when interpreting prophecies. Magic is our gift from the gods and using magic to its fullest extent praises them.

"Of course I care about people! Man, woman, rich, poor, human, or creature - these distinctions mean nothing to me. I have always tried to improve the lives of witches and wizards by teaching them to see that they are straying from our destiny. When we turn away from the greater concerns of spirit and nature and focus instead on depriving others of rights, then we have strayed from what it means to be magical."

Her explanation was long and Sirius stopped paying attention to her words. He had heard the same things all his life. He hoped that some day he would have the opportunity to really listen to her philosophy, but at that moment he didn't care. He wanted only one thing.

"So, Mother, if you do indeed care about individuals, then let's make a deal: my life for Harry's. I will come back to the family and give full-hearted support to your causes, whatever they may be, and in exchange, you will convince Lord Voldemort that the prophecy is incorrect. There is no one who knows more about that type of Dark Magic than you do, so I don't doubt you can get him to believe you. Can we agree on this?"

From inside the dark hallway Sirius heard an exasperated sigh. "No, Sirius. Not today. When you are ready to promise me with the conviction of the Unbreakable Vow that you will uphold the traditions of your ancestors, then I go to the Dark Lord and convince him to spare the Potter child's life. Come back when you are ready and I will do as you ask." And with a nod of her head, the door shut in his face.

Staring at the shiny black paint on the door of number twelve Grimmauld Place, Sirius felt the anger rise within him, wild and powerful like a wounded beast. "NO!" he screamed. "No!" He felt the eyes of their Muggle neighbors peering out their grimy windows, trying to discern from where the howls of pain were coming. As frustrated as he was by his mother refusal to accept him, he was angrier with himself. He should have been more contrite. He should have remembered that she would not forgive and forget the past. He should have been humble enough to beg. He couldn't come back - there wasn't enough time.

Moments later he had apparated back to his flat. He paced the rooms vigorously, trying to think of how he would tell James that he had failed. No, there had to be another solution to protect Harry. His mind ran through various options, things he had learned in Order meetings, possible vulnerabilities that he could expose, and information gained from spies.

It was then that his mind fixed on another thought: who was Voldemort's spy in the Order? Who was strong enough to attend all those meetings, never betraying his true master? Who slipped in and out without notice or with a convenient excuse for being away? Who was close enough to James and Sirius and could have passed on knowledge of their most clandestine activities?

Perhaps it was the hurt and anger he felt towards his mother at that moment, or perhaps it was the frustration that had built inside him after years of never hearing the words he longed for Remus to say. Maybe it was the animal scent that still lingered in his bedroom or the twisted, damp sheets that seemed to mock him. The horrible answer to his questions slithered into his mind like a snake, poisonous, wrapping itself around his thoughts and tightening until Sirius was unable to breathe.

_Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter - Shiny Objects, Moony's Daughter, and RemusSirius (Julie.) What do you think of Walburga Black now?_


	19. Messenger of the Gods

A break in the narrative to see another person's point of view.

**19. Messenger of the Gods**

_He kept her waiting in a dark, windowless antechamber. The room was silent except for the annoying tick of a clock, which seemed to magnify the time she had been sitting there, and the occasional scratching of his assistant's quill. The assistant was a thin, pale young man whose face was marked with red pimples. She caught him staring at her and she sneered back at him. He turned away, intimidated by her commanding, regal presence._

_Once again she looked around the room and took in her surroundings. It was well furnished, but in the style that commoners chose when trying to emulate the affluent. It was how they imagined people like the Blacks decorated their homes and offices, which, in reality, were a lot more understated than this room. Here the chairs were painted in gold leaf and upholstered in rich velvet, while her office featured soft armchairs made of Thestral leather. Ostentation said a lot about a person, Walburga knew._

_And she also knew a lot about the person she was about to see. He was secretive about his past and people whispered their speculations when he wasn't present. Walburga had no patience for idle gossip. She was a witch, after all, and a powerful one at that. She knew ways of finding out for sure the true identity of this man who demanded such loyalty and wielded so much power. It was simple, really. Before the International Act of Magical Secrecy became law, witches made these potions for Muggle women all the time to determine the questionable paternity of a newborn child. The method of determining both parents was not much different. The first time she met the man, Walburga secretly collected a thread from his robe. Later that night she took it to her library and placed it in an old cauldron. She mixed the potion with her wand and murmured the spell as smoke rose and formed into the well-known image of the sad, lost girl whose desperate eyes crossed as they stared back her._

_She waved her wand and the apparition disappeared. She prayed for the girl's sake that she had not been a victim of incest in addition to having lived a miserable life under the vile Marvolo Gaunt. "Patrio" she said and the smoke thickened and formed into the image of a man Walburga did not know. Walburga breathed a sigh of relief and then laughed. So Merope Gaunt had a lover. There was no shame in the occasional tryst with a Muggle in her view, especially one as handsome as this. She felt a blush rise in her cheeks as the thought of the men she had slept with in her youth. Muggle men were so grateful, so in awe of her skills, so ignorant of the magic that made them possible. Orion also had his share of lovers before their marriage. She pictured him once again young, muscular, and handsome, just like the man in the image before her. She gazed at the stranger's face until it faded and all that was left was thin, grey smoke._

_Yes, she thought, Muggles were fine for a shag or two, but a witch had to be careful not to bear his child. And marriage was completely out of the question. Keeping blood lines pure was a top priority. In her view, the mixing of magical blood with that of Muggles had weakened the magical community as their leaders took Muggles into consideration when making laws. Of course, the Gaunts kept the line a little too pure, hence Merope's unfortunate appearance and her brother Morphin's dementia. The Black family had their share of intermarriages throughout the years, including her own, but never to the extent of the Gaunts. If Marvolo or Morphin had been the child's father, it would not have been the first time something horrible like that had taken place in that family._

_But, she thought as she disposed of the potion with a flick of her wand, thankfully that was not the case. While she did not approve of Merope's decision to have the child, Walburga understood how the girl must have wanted him to soothe her loneliness and remind her of the handsome young man who once surrendered to her magical charm. "Lord Voldemort, indeed," she clucked to herself. "He is nothing more than Merope Gaunt's half-blood bastard."_

_She chose to keep that information to herself for now. When he came to power she would tell him what she knew. It was most likely that he would not want the information of his tragic beginnings shared with others and there was also the chance that he would embrace his ancient ancestry, which would be beneficial to her causes. Either way she could not lose. She smirked at the unlikely coincidence that he and the Potter boy her son was so desperate to protect were both Peverell descendants, distant cousins connected through a thin strand of ancient blood._

_The clocked chimed the hour and she tried not to show her displeasure at having to wait so long. She knew this was his power play, proving to her that he would not jump to the call of the infamous Walburga Black. She smoothed her skirt and pretended not to notice the time. Today she wore a robe of dove colored silk that highlighted the streaks of grey that had become prominent in her formerly dark hair. The ravages of age had descended upon her with increased force following the death of her husband and she did not have the strength any more to fight them. However, the grey hair pleased her; she wore it proudly as a testament to her love for Orion and dressed herself to complement it._

_There were other signs of age that she found less flattering. She had lost her appetite and grown thin over the years. With her husband, her brothers and her sons gone, there seemed no point to feasting at holiday time and the celebrations had grown small and much less elaborate. She missed the days when she was surrounded by so many happy people. Recently she had found great comfort in the unlikely company of her niece, Narcissa, and her grand-nephew, Draco. She had never been a maternal woman. She preferred to work hard, concentrate on the politics of the magical world, and surround herself with other, educated individuals, rather than indulge in the chaos associated with young children. But in Draco she saw hope, a future from the past she had regretfully ignored._

_She had visited her niece before setting off on today's errand. Narcissa was happy to see her and looked even lovelier with her son in her arms. "Auntie Walbie has come to see us, Draco," she cooed to the boy. In her younger years, Walburga had disapproved of talking down to children, but now it made her smile. She snapped her fingers and a trinket appeared in her hands. Draco laughed and clapped, delighted by her trick._

_"I have good news, darling," she told Narcissa as she handed Draco the toy. "Sirius will be back soon."_

_Narcissa shrieked with happiness as she gave Draco over to the House Elf/nanny who stood nearby. Walburga told her all about Sirius' visit and the bargain he tried to make with her. "But you sent him away." Narcissa frowned with disappointment._

_"Yes, dear," Walburga explained. "Sirius has always been very much like me. If something is too easy for us, we do not value it. If he is to truly come back to us, he must be prepared to give up his old ways. I cannot have him pining for the life of hardship and adventure while he pretends to accept the privileged life I can offer him."_

_"What if he doesn't come back?" Narcissa asked skeptically._

_Her aunt laughed and patted her hand. "Don't worry, darling. He'll come back. And when he does I'll have a surprise for him for which he will be grateful." She smiled as she told Narcissa her plan._

_The door behind her opened suddenly and broke her reverie. An old wizard appeared and bowed to her. "The Dark Lord will see you now," he told her._

_Walburga stood and nodded to him, thankful for his old style deference. The old wizard held the door for her and she passed through it into a deep chamber that was even more opulent than the antechamber. The windows were covered with purple velvet curtains, as if sunlight was painful for the occupant's eyes. The room was dimly lit with candles and the man sat behind a desk at the far end, his waxy, white visage in striking contrast to his surroundings. "Mrs. Black," he said when he saw her. "Do come in."_

_Walburga took note of the fact he did not use the honorific "Madam," which most people used with her to denote their respect. She smiled and let it pass. There would be time in the future for him to regret this mistake. "Thank you," she replied sweetly. "May I sit?" she asked when he did not invite her to do so._

_"Of course," he nodded, pointing to one of the gold gilt chairs before him. "What is the purpose of your visit?"_

_She hadn't expected the man to get right down to business, but she was happy to escape the false pleasantries she had been prepared to share. "My sources tell me that you are following the dictates of a prophecy. I wanted to offer my services in interpreting that prophecy for you. I am quite skilled at that and, as I'm sure you are aware, misinterpreting prophecies can have dire consequences. They are, after all, messages from the gods."_

_His laughter was loud and echoed though the cavernous room. "Messages of the gods,eh? So tell me, how did you hear about this prophecy?"_

_Walbura shrugged. "I can't remember. My nieces and their husbands, as well as all my friends, are great supporters of yours. Someone must have mentioned it, thinking it could be a way for me to assist you. Now, tell me, what did the prophecy say?"_

_He looked at her skeptically for a few moments and then told her. Walburga nodded. "And did you hear it from the psychic directly?" He shook his head. "Well, it sounds too short and unclear to be a complete prophecy. My advice has always been that unless you hear the prophecy directly from the psychic and are certain you heard every word, then it should be ignored."_

_"Ignored?" he questioned her._

_"Yes," she told him in a voice that was clear and confident. "For example, if you were to interpret this prophecy to mean that you are to kill the child, and instead it meant that you should stay away from him, then the action could lead to great danger for you."_

_He laughed again. "What possible danger could come from killing a child?"_

_Walburga sat up straight and leaned towards him. "That would defy the graces of our gods and goddesses. Children are sacred to them. No prophecy would ever direct one to hurt a child. Of course, the prophecy means you should stay away from him!"_

_"Well, thank you for that insight, Mrs. Black," he hissed dismissively. He reached for a bell on the desk and rang it. The door was opened once again by the old wizard. "Unfortunately, you have failed to convince me. My forces grow stronger every day and, if there is a possibility that eliminating this child will bring me to power more quickly, then I will seize that opportunity." He waved for her to go._

_Walburga was numb as she stood from her chair. Wordlessly she was about to turn from him, when he stopped her. "Tell me, Mrs. Black, what is the significance of that star you wear?" He pointed at the diamond encrusted pentangle she wore around her neck._

_She touched the pendant lightly. "It is a pentangle. It represents the four points of nature that are the Goddess- fire, earth, water, and air- and the fifth point that reaches upward represents God of heaven. I wear it as a reflection of my belief in and commitment to the old religion."_

_"Hmmm." He said thoughtfully as he eyed the diamonds. "The worship of gods will be one more thing I'll need to outlaw when I come to power. After all, I can't have my followers serving another master."_

_Walburga turned and walked out quickly without a response. How could she have been so mistaken? She could hear in the man's tone that her knowledge of his parentage would have no affect on him. He had no respect for life and would kill her before she had a chance to reveal what she knew. She had lost everything, including both her sons, because of her support of this man whose true colors were only beginning to show. Deep down, she had known all along she was taking a chance. Dumbledore had tried to warn her, but she did not listen. She had been so sure that she could manipulate someone like him - someone who was using power to try to prove himself because he lacked parents and position. And now she had nothing. She could not help Sirius and she knew he would not come back to her. She paused on her way through the antechamber and regarded herself in the ornate gold mirror. For the first time she saw herself as an old woman: an old woman who no one listen to any longer; whose views were no longer valid; who was regarded with pity, if she was to be regarded at all._

Wow - what great reviews! I really appreciate the time people took to tell me what they think of Walburga. The next chapter will pick up where the previous one left off. Sirius will not know of his mother's attempt to save Harry. If you want a preview of the next chapter, it is in The Secret Keepers entitled "The Weakness is Me." Of course, I'll add some when I write it for this story.


	20. Suspicion and Weakness

_Yes, I know it was subtle, but in the last chapter I attempted to make the contrast between Narcissa, who in book 7 sacrifices her beliefs to save her son (and Harry) and her Aunt Walburga, who sacrifices her relationship with her son for her beliefs. _

_This chapter brings us back to the narrative._

**20. Suspicion and Weakness **

Sirius materialized in the Potter's fire place. James rose to meet him and held out his hand to help Sirius across the hearth. "So, she wouldn't take you?" he asked. Sirius shook his head. "Good," James said. "Despite what you told me, I couldn't live with myself knowing you had gone back to them. I couldn't live watching you pretend to be like them. publicly denouncing your supposed betrayal. It's much better this way, even with the danger involved. I know you have the strength to survive. So let's get started with the Fidelius Charm. We've waited long enough." James reached for his wand, but Sirius stopped him.

"I need to talk to you about something. Can we sit down?"

"Of course," said James, looking into Sirius's eyes, trying to gauge what had changed. "Let's go in to the kitchen."

Soon they were sitting alone at the Potter's kitchen table drinking ale that Sirius had brought with him from Diagon Alley. It was late at night. Lily and the baby were sleeping and the house was quiet."You need to choose someone else as Secret Keeper," Sirius began. "They will come for me anyway, since I am the obvious choice, and I would rather die knowing there was no way I could have betrayed you. I think you should ask Peter. No one would ever think it's him. You'll be safer that way."

James slid his fingers under his glasses to rub his eyes. The stress of protecting his family had taken its toll on him and he looked older suddenly. It seemed to Sirius that James had gone from a reckless teenager to a concerned young father in a very short period of time.

When James didn't respond Sirius tried again. "Also, if the death eaters believe it's me, I can use the opportunity to find out who has been betraying us. If I can do that, then maybe we can end this sooner and you won't need to hide Harry for much longer."

"I don't know," James said, finally, looking skeptical. "There's no one I trust more than you to do this. I know that protecting Harry is as important to you as it is to me. Am I asking too much from your friendship? Is that why you've changed your mind?"

"No," Sirius replied quickly, hurt that James would have thought that of him. "It's not that at all. I haven't changed my mind. I'm just asking you to consider another option." He searched for how to convince James to follow this new plan without telling him too much. Sirius didn't want to create more worries for James by telling him his suspicions about Remus, but time was short and he didn't have much choice. "Look, we both know that there is a spy and I think it is Remus. Don't object! It makes sense. The spy is someone close to us, after all. If I let Remus believe that I'm the Secret Keeper, then he will betray me to Voldemort. Once Remus does that, I'll have the opportunity destroy Voldemort before he can get to Harry. And I'll take down some death eaters too, for good measure. Think about it, James. It's the perfect plan!" Sirius tried to sound enthusiastic and adventurous in the hope that it would remind James of their carefree, adventurous days back at Hogwarts - days that seemed like they existed in another lifetime.

James was quiet for a moment, trying to process the information. He was not reminscing on their youth, but on the one who Sirius had accused. "Remus?" he asked in disbelief. "I thought you and he were…" but then his voice trailed off and he looked down at the table. Sirius could see that he was doing some quick thinking, trying to come up with a plausible lie. His face was turning redder by the moment. He knew, Sirius realized. He knew the very thing that Sirius had tried so hard to hide from him.

"You thought he and I were what?" He asked, although the question was pointless. He looked directly at James, challenging him to finish the thought.

"You seem like you're especially close," James answered. "Which is why I'm surprised that you suspect him." It was a great attempt at a save, but it was too late. The lie was obvious.

At first Sirius wanted to continue lying. If James did indeed know, then he must have continued the lie because it was more comfortable to pretend. But then Sirius looked down at his arm. The scar of their joint blood-telling still burned red and raw on his wrist. He had promised to be faithful to their friendship and friends were honest with one another. He took a deep breath and looked at James. "You mean because Remus has shared my bed?"

James nodded. He did not look at Sirius, but his relaxed body language made it clear that he was relieved to have this secret out in the open. "I assume he told you." Sirius said, angrily. He was certain that if Remus had betrayed him by telling James, then Remus would have not qualms about betraying the Order to Voldemort.

"No, of course he didn't," James waved off the suggestion. "Lily noticed it at our wedding. Since then she's seen looks between you both that made her suspect something was happening. 'Witches intuition' she calls it, but she was pretty certain."

Sirius groaned and put his face in my hands. His embarrassment made him unwilling to face his friend. "Is it that obvious?"

"No," James assured him. "These days you both seem like you are purposely avoiding each other for my benefit. You don't have to. I hate that we had secrets from each other, Padfoot, especially now. I hate that you've been pretending that it didn't happen and I've been pretending that I didn't know." James stopped and took a drink of his ale. "Was that the first time? After the wedding, I mean, that you…"

Sirius didn't answer. How could he explain the years of deception that he had undertaken to keep James from discovering his indecretions? But the silence proved to be enough. James nodded and muttered his understanding. Sirius finished his ale and hoped it would give him the strength to undergo James' disapproval.

James let out a weary sigh and pointed his wand at Sirius' glass to refill it. "For what it's worth, I'm happy for you." Sirius looked at him sceptically, but James was sincere. "I really am. Maybe in the past I would have been shocked, but now…" he spread his arms wide, indicating his shrinking world, "being condemned like this has given me a different perspective. All love is good and, with all the hatred that surrounds us these days, we need to find love where ever we can. Being alone is the worst thing in the world. I've worried about you, and Moony too. If you're together, well, that's a good thing. You deserve someone to love. Both of you do."

"I'm not in love with him!" Sirius replied sharply. But even as he said the words, he knew they weren't true. Sirius began the same excuse he always told himself and the lies flowing quickly off his tongue. "It's an addiction - an obscene addiction. I tell myself that when he comes to me I won't let him into my bed, but I always do. When I need him and go to him, part of me hopes that he'll tell me that he won't have me any longer. But it never happens and we keep going on like this. "

"Oh, so is it a …" James hesitated. He sounded uncomfortable as if searching for the right words. "You know… a physical thing?"

"No! It's not that either." Sirius found himself torn between the comfort of denial and his desire to talk about the secret he had kept to myself for so long, but had never, truly understood. "Well, maybe it is. I mean, I like that part, obviously, but it's more about… do you really want to hear this?"

James still looked somewhat uncomfortable, but also interested. "Yes, I do. It just, well, may take me a while to get used to hearing you say it."

"I can't get used to hearing me say it!" They were both smiling and Sirius marvelled at how at ease his best friend made him.

"So, you were saying the sex is good." He teased.

"It's amazing!" Sirius teased back. "But more than that," he swallowed hard and began to say what he had never admitted before. "It's how I feel when I'm with him. I feel that something bursts inside, filling me with goodness, dissolving everything bad. I feel his strength join mine and it makes me stronger. I feel my sorrows flow into him and become lighter. There's warmth between us in that moment and I feel I'm a part of something sacred and transcendent. I go to him broken and empty and he makes me whole. I don't know if I can live without that feeling." It was more than he had meant to say. More than he had ever recognized, even to himself.

James snickered, "That's being in love."

"What makes you say that?" Despite being best friends, Sirius and James did not share many emotional intimacies. It was only with Remus that Sirius had allowed himself to be vulnerable, and that, he was sure, Remus was using against him. He had opened himself up and trusted Remus; which, he had recently realized was a mistake.

"I say it," said James, knowingly, "because it's like that for me every time."

They sat silently for a while, drinking the ales and contemplating all that had been revealed. James spoke first. "What does Moony think? Has he ever said how he feels about you?"

Sirius shook his head. "We don't really talk about it. I don't think either of us wants to acknowledge what it means. We used to tell each other that we would just do it one more time and never again. We don't bother with that any longer, but I don't think that he considers us ... together." He stumbled on the last word.

When their glasses were emptied, Sirius waved his wand to refill them. He imagined the mental picture that James must have of he and Remus together, kissing, touching, making love, and wondered whether those images filled him with revulsion.

"I really don't understand why you suspect him." James said finally, shaking his head.

"Don't you see? I am weak with him!" Sirius replied too loudly in the quiet house and then dropped by voice to just above a whisper. "He has a power over me. I don't want to need him like I do, but I can't stop myself. I'm afraid that, as your Secret Keeper, I would be unable to resist anything he asked me."

James was quiet again. Sirius could see in his tired eyes that he was trying to understand all that was happening to him, to Harry, and now to the friends he had trusted for so long. There was so much in his life that was hard to comprehend and Sirius felt badly having added to that confusion. After a while, James appeared to have collected his thoughts and he cleared his throat before speaking. "If you want my advice, you need to accept the fact that you are in love. Once you do that and you tell him how you feel, then you'll realize how ridiculous these accusations are. Moony would never deceive us; I'm certain of that. But, I trust you more than I trust myself and if you aren't sure, then I defer to your judgment." James paused and tipped back in his chair so that it rested on two legs. "If you really believe I should ask Peter, then I will. Just promise me that you'll keep an eye on him. He's not strong like you are."

Sirius smiled, grateful to see finally the old, decisive James. "I promise. I think this is the best way, even though you have your doubts. I want this threat to be gone as much as you do."

James tipped his chair up again and reached across the table to grasp Sirius hands the way that Sirius had taken his the night before. "I know you do."

As they clasped hands, Sirius looked into James' eyes once again and saw beyond the pain and exhaustion, and into something familiar, fraternal, and deep. He saw into the bond which had held them together for so many years. The bond he had given his blood to strengthen. And then James read his mind, saying the words Sirius never had the courage to utter to another person. "You have always been like a brother to me, Sirius. You are my best friend and I love you."

* * *

"P-P-Padfoot," Peter stammered, looking past Sirius' figure in the doorway to see if there were others with him. Once he realized Sirius was alone he asked,"W-w-what are you doing here?"

At another time, Sirius would have questioned Peter's nervousness, but that night the problem at hand seemed too great, so he ignored it. "James and I need you to do something important. Can I come in?"

Peter stepped back from the doorway and Sirius entered his flat. After a few minutes and a brief explanation, the plan was set and Sirius left, unaware of the chain reaction he had just set in place.

* * *

The next day he brought Peter to James and Lily's house. Peter seemed nervous as usual, but did not try to back out of the agreement, as Sirius had been prepared for him to do. Lily greeted them and took Peter into the house, offering him a cup of tea. Her resilience tugged at Sirius' heart and he now more than ever wanted to bring down Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

"Padfoot, wait a moment," James called from inside the house as Sirius began to leave. Sirius stopped and faced his friend, but they were both at a loss for words.

"Trust me, Prongs," Sirius said finally. "I want to do this. I want to find out for sure that it isn't him. And if it turns out Moony is the spy then..." he was afraid to say what he would do to the one with whom he had shared his bed and so much more, so he changed the subject. "I'll do everything I can to keep Harry alive."

James nodded and held up his scarred wrist. "You know I trust you. I just wish I could join you. Already I feel helpless, waiting for it to be over."

"No," Sirius told him firmly. "You'd be no good to the Order if you were worried about your boy. We need you here to protect him. That's the most helpful thing you can do."

"I want to hear them again, Padfoot. I want to hear the hallows of the earth. I used to hear the Goddess speak to me, telling me that everything would be well, even in my hour of deepest dispair." James' face was pale as he continued. "I know that surprises you. What do I know of the old religion? But somehow, deep inside me, I always felt that there was a presence beside me, that She brought to me the love of the wonderful woman who became my wife and my beautiful son. But now I no longer feel Her. I don't hear the hallows guiding me toward my future and I'm frightened."

His words surprised Sirius. Sirius had come to associate practitioners of the ancient faith with Dark Wizards, since most of them were. It shocked him to think that the image of gods and goddesses had comforted his friend. He wanted to offer words of hope or one of the ancient prayers that James loved so much, but instead he moved toward James and hugged him.

James hugged him back and they stood together, conveying so many unspoken sentiments in their embrace. Sirius wanted to tell James that he loved him like a brother, but when he tried he found himself mute. They broke apart and Sirius saw that James was crying, his eyes shining with tears behind his glasses. Those tears were James' silent realization that Sirius' love extended beyond the risk to his own life. He had passed over his family and would risk the love he had secretly held for another man to save Harry and give James and Lily the family that he had never had.

Sirius took one last look at his friend. "Tell him," James said quietly. "Tell him and all will be well." He didn't need to explain what it was Sirius should tell to Remus.

Sirius hesitated, trying once again to bring voice to his thought, and then, failing to do so, turned away.

_Thank you, loyal reviewers. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see your latest comments. I'm glad that you enjoyed seeing the "human" side of the Blacks. I hope you will stick with the story for a few more chapters to see what happens to Walburga. In the next chapter we return to our favorite Wizard/Werewolf. _


	21. The Demons of Confrontation

_In OOTP did you ever wonder how Sirius knew that the pain in Harry's scar meant trouble?_

_This chapter takes up where the last one left off._

**21. The Demons of Confrontation**

Sirius got on the flying motorbike and headed for Remus' flat. He knew what he had to do and he wanted to get it over as quickly as possible. The knowledge that Remus could be the spy was eating away at him, sapping he strength, and he needed all of that strength to face the tasks in front of him. He knew that if Remus had been betraying them, then he had indeed mastered the art of deception. Of course, this was not all that surprising. Remus had practiced hiding his affliction for as long as Sirius had known him. They both hid their illicit relationship from others, but Sirius had to admit that everytime he looked at Remus, he saw the truth in Remus' eyes. They could deceive others and keep them from knowing the truth about their liaison, but they could not hide from one another. Sirius hoped that he could see Remus now with the same transparency.

As he watched the ground pass beneath him, Sirius wondered how Remus could have chosen that path. What would motivate him to betray his friends, to betray Harry? He had always thought of Remus as a man first and a werewolf second, but perhaps after facing years of prejudice in a world where, once they knew of the wolf's existance, people could no longer see the man, Remus had begun to look at himself differently. Most werewolves supported Voldemort in reaction to the Ministry's harsh policies against them. When James had encouraged Remus to join the Order, James had told Remus that he believed once the threat of Voldemort's intolerance was gone, the Ministry would become more inclusive of individuals like Remus, who suffered from magical afflictions. Although he said nothing at the time, Sirius knew this would never be true, for it was only Dark Witches and Wizards who did not fear the power of the werewolves, because the Dark Arts had ways of controlling them. Had Remus suddenly become aware of this reality and changed sides? Did he blame James for misleading him?

He brought the bike down to the ground and hid it behind the shabby building. "Be strong," he told himself as he walked to the door. "Think of Harry. Think of James and Lily." Sirius never thought he would have to perform an Unforgivable Curse, but the spy deserved it. He envisioned Remus disappearing in a flash of green light and quickly shook the sight away. He couldn't face it right now.

The hallway was dark and narrow with an acrid smell. Sirius mounted the stairs as he had many times before, but instead of anticipating the secret pleasures awaiting him, this time he was full of anger and regret. He knocked on the door with one hand while the other reached into his robe for his wand. After a few minutes Remus opened the door. His hair was messy, his skin was very pale, and his chest seemed to sink beneath his shoulders. His eyes had begun to show a sliver of the fire that was there whenever he transformed. The full moon was almost upon them, Sirius realized suddenly, and Remus had begun to weaken.

"Sirius?" Remus said quietly, almost like a question.

Sirius had prepared what he would say when facing his adversary. He knew the words by heart and knew how he could keep Remus from avoiding the truth. Looking at Remus now in his weakened state, however, those words seeped away from him and his mind became flooded with images and memories of the man who stood before him. He saw Remus as a boy, quiet and scared on his first day at Hogwarts. He saw the relief in that boy's eyes a year later when he and James revealed that they knew his secret and were not afraid. He watched Remus transform for the first time and felt the thrill of danger in the moment before he cast his own spell and became the dog. He felt Remus' lips, warm and quivering, the first time they kissed, and the hard sinew of his arms as he ran his hands along them. He smelled the earthy scent of spring that filled the night air when they lay together beneath the beech tree by the lake at Hogwarts. He remembered how Remus held him and comforted him after Regulus died. He saw Remus at James and Lily's wedding, smiling at the happy couple, and he remembered the feel of Remus' arms encircling his waist as they flew away from the wedding party together, ready to make love for the rest of the night. And he remembered all the times that their bodies twisted together, hot and impassioned as they satified all their secret sexual desires. Had he imagined that all those years and all their time together had meant something?

"Sirius," Remus began again, "What..."

But before he could continue, Sirius moved forward and kissed him. He hadn't expected to do this and the force of his kiss smashed their teeth together, sending Remus reeling backward. Sirius caught him and pulled Remus in closer, holding him hard against his lips the way one presses on a wound to prevent it from bleeding out. He felt a surge of love, searing like pain.

The flat was small and without thinking he had pushed Remus into the bedroom. He couldn't bear the thought of Remus' hands upon him, tenderly and seductively removing his clothes. He reached for his wand again and, with the help of a non-verbal spell, robes and trousers, shirts and underwear, shoes and socks, all flew about the room and landed on the floor. He fell with Remus onto the unmade bed and felt the heat of his skin as they pressed together. Remus touched him, initiating the acts of foreplay that readied their bodies for love, but Sirius didn't want that. He was in the pergatory between hatred and desire, unable to chose one over the other. He pushed Remus' hands away and twisted him around onto his stomach. Remus succumbed easily and Sirius took him in one quick, fierce movement.

As Remus' flesh enveloped him, Sirius felt the sting of love's pain. He wanted to stop, to pull out and confront Remus, but Remus moaned and moved back against him, urging him to venture in further, unaware of Sirius' turmoil. He had come here prepared to hurt Remus, but in Sirius' arms Remus only found pleasure. "Yes," he heard Remus whisper. "Yes, Sirius, yes." His voice grew louder as together they found their rhythm, panting and moaning. Sirius felt as Remus grew rigid for a moment before the euphoria overtook him. Sirius licked the back of his neck, causing Remus to burst forth as he called out for Sirius over and over again. Despite himself, Sirius answered with an orgasm more powerful than he could ever remember. It was not the forcefulness of the act that excited him, but Remus' unconditional acceptance of him. Remus took him in without question, without words, trusting Sirius, and soothing his need.

"Is anything wrong?" Remus asked when Sirius slid out from under the sheet.

Sirius was ashamed at what he had done. He had come with the goal to confront Remus, but the demons from their past prevented him from succeeding. He still had to do it and now, more than ever he was determined to find out the truth. "What makes you say that?" he replied, feigning ignorance. He couldn't look at Remus as he gathered his strength, so he scanned the floor in search of his clothes.

"You just seem different. Usually you're…" he paused and Sirius looked over to see him shrug, "softer, gentle."

Despite himself, Sirius smiled lasciviously. "You didn't seem to mind."

"No," Remus admitted as he lay back against the pillows and smiled back. "It was just different for us. That's all I'm saying."

Sirius turned away again and picked his jeans up from the floor. He had to do it now. "James knows," he said softly in an effort to catch Remus off guard. He left the meaning purposefully vague, so that if Remus were hiding his treachery, then it would show in his face. He turned towards Remus expecting to see a flicker of fear, a glint of recognition in Sirius' statement. But instead Remus remained in his relaxed position with his eyes closed and a ghost of a smile on his lips, still thinking of what had so recently passed between them.

"James knows what?" he asked casually. He opened his eyes and Sirius saw that they were blank. There was nothing in the soft depths of amber that Sirius had looked in a million times before. Just the reflection of their innocence. Sirius wanted to feel relief, but he could not yet. He needed to confess. He continued to watch Remus as he waved his hand to indicate himself, Remus, and the bed. "No!" Remus gasped. He sat up quickly while a look of shocked panic took over his face. "Did you TELL him?" His voice was raised and his eyes now blazed as if Sirius had betrayed them.

"No," He kept his voice was quiet and level in an effort to remain calm so he could continue to observe Remus. "He figured it out. Or rather, Lily did, but she got James to see it. I guess at their wedding we had had too much to drink and let our guard down." He once again recalled the wedding and how happy they all were before the threat of Voldemort and the deaths of so many friends and comrades eroded their youthful exuberance.

Sirius began to dress, trying to act normally while he spoke in the hope that, if Remus was hiding something, Sirius would see it in his anger. It was time to tell Remus that he was James' Secret Keeper and gauge his reaction. "We were talking about the Secret Keeper business and he said something about you and I being especially close. Just the way he said it and the way he sort of blushed, I could tell that he knew. He's been my best friend since our first year at school and I can read him pretty well, so it was easy to guess what he was thinking. I figured that we need to be honest with each other, especially now, so I looked him in the eye and said 'You mean, because he shares my bed?' James nodded and looked at the ground. I could tell he was embarrassed, but probably more because he'd be keeping his knowledge from me, rather than embarrassed about what we're doing. Then he told me 'I'm happy for you. I really am. You deserve someone to love. Both of you do.' I could tell he was sincere. Thankfully, he didn't ask for details, but he was curious as to how long this has been going on." Sirius suddenly realized he had used the word "love" in front of Remus and he watched for that reaction as well.

"Incredible," Remus exclaimed. His panicked expression was gone, replaced by one of happy disbelief. "I've always worried about being found out by our friends, but I never imagined James would react with such calm acceptance. I guess that'll make things easier. At least I won't always have to watch what I say when I'm around them." He pushed back the bedclothes and slid his body to the edge of the bed.

"Or will it make things harder?" Sirius sat down beside him on the bed to explain. "I mean, in keeping this a secret, we've never had to face what it really is or how the rest of the world sees this. We treat our need for each other like it's something out of our control. We go from one secret interlude to the next and pretend what ultimately happens is unexpected. Listen to me! I can't even say the words! When we let other people into our secret, things will change. We'll be admitting that this is what we want to be doing and we're with the one we want to be with. I'm not sure we're ready to do that."

Their eyes met and both realized that Sirius had spoken a truth that neither wanted to face. Was either of them brave enough to declare love? Could they accept what they were to one another and move beyond a secret, sorrid affair and commit to one another knowing that so many people found their relationship sinful? Or had they never acknowledged their feelings, because there was nothing to acknowledge beyond the fact that their bodies satisfied one another when nights were cold and the world was cruel?

As they sat there silently, Sirius watched as Remus contemplated what he had said. He wondered if Remus wanted to be with him openly or if he still wanted the option to pursue what James and Lily had. Or maybe the believed that they already had that intimate connection of mind, body, and soul. But of one thing he was certain: Remus was not the traitor.

The silence continued, becoming more uncomfortable as Sirius realized that neither he nor Remus would speak the words to end the charade. He changed the subject. "So, full moon this week? Are you feeling up to traveling?"

"Yes," Remus replied, relieved to move on to happier, normal topics. "Where would you like to go?"

"Let's go somewhere on the coast. I feel the need to run on the rocks and hear the sounds of the ocean. These past few weeks have been very stressful and the idea of watching waves crash has great appeal. Besides, we'll be safely away from people, if we choose the right place."

"Stress – Is that your excuse for before?" He asked with a sly grin.

"A few days away," Sirius replied, grinning back, "and I'll be as gentle as a puppy."

They made plans for Remus to leave immediately for the designated spot, so that he would be done traveling before the pull of the moon caused him to become too weak. Sirius agreed to meet him on November first. He needed to fulfill James' request and check up on Peter, but he did not tell this to Remus.

After he left the flat, Sirius started the motorbike and pulled his robe more closely around his body. It was late October and the nights were beginning to get cold. The bike lifted off and as Sirius felt a wave of relief that James had been correct. Remus was not the spy. How could he have even thought so? He cursed under his breath at the memory of his recent conversation with his mother. He was convinced that it was her inability to take him in without question that made him doubt Remus' love; as if one failure bred another. Why did adult revert to their teenage self when confronted by a parent? The demons of adolesence reared their ugly heads in the presence of authority. He sighed and shook his head. There would be time to address these concerns later on. Now he would check quickly on Peter and then return to his flat.

On his way to Peter's flat he contemplated his family and his relationship with them. The Blacks had always been a reserved lot when it came to discussing feelings. The closest his father had ever come to mentioning love was when he told Sirius that he "respected" his wife. Sirius' mother was not the type of woman who gushed emotion for her children and saying "I love you" was not in her vocabulary. Even Sirius could only say "I cared for him" when telling his friends about his formerly close relationship with Regulus. He loved his brother, but the words never came just as they hadn't earlier that day with James. Things were going to change, he decided. He would not live like his parents.

Peter was not at home when Sirius knocked. For a quick moment he wondered where Peter could be and contemplated searching the pubs and taverns his friend occassionally frequented. But then his sense of happiness and satisfaction overtook him and he decided to wait until morning. Perhaps Peter was with a girl and didn't want to be interupted. He smiled. Stranger things had happened he was, after all in love with Remus. The scar on his arm prickled, but he ignored it; he was too happy to be bothered by such a small inconvenience.

By the time he returned to his own flat he had decided to take James' advice. He was ready to tell Remus. He would do it as soon as the moon waned, when they would be alone by the ocean. He would look into Remus' eyes and speak the words as they made love in tall beach grass to the rhythmic sound of waves, the briney smell of sea spray, and in the benevolent sight of the ever- present of the Goddess of the Earth.


	22. Hunting the Hunter

_This chapter answers some of the questions I always felt were left vague in the books. There will be one more chapter after this one. _

**22. Hunting the Hunter**

It was Halloween and Sirius dreamed he was at the Black Estate in Cornwall. It was dark and the air was thick with smoke from the bonfire. The towering flames lit the figures of the unknown guests who danced to the rhythic sound of drums marking the end of the harvest season. The revelers all wore traditional masks made in the images of forest animals, grotesque and viscious. A woman danced past him wearing a wolf mask, the mouth dripping with blood, and Sirius suddenly remembered he was supposed to be with Remus. He ran away from the fire and the Halloween celebration to find his lover and tell him the words he longed to say.

He ran until he found himself in a moonlit forest. He looked for Remus in the dark shadows of the tall trees, but couldn't find him. The moon was large and round and seemed to mock Sirius with its urgency. In the distance Sirius saw two hunters. He moved quietly towards them and saw that they were his father and brother. Sirius was so happy to see these two men that he had thought were dead and he opened his mouth to speak, but the hunters quickly hushed him. They pulled their bows and shot two arrows into the heart of a stag that leapt out from behind a rock. The stag dropped quickly to the ground. "Help me, Padfoot!" a voice cried. Sirius looked down at the dying stag and saw he was transforming into the bleeding figure of James. "Help me!"

Sirius sat up with a start. It was morning and a bright, orange light filtered though his bedroom window. He was gasping for breath as he struggled to shake the nightmare from his consciousness. The scar on his arm burned him more painfully than it had the night before. Sirius rubbed it with his fingers and willed it to stop. He had never been good at the healing charm, but he was too busy to see a healer, so he would try to ignore it. Today was too important for him. He had to check in with Peter and then leave to meet Remus before the full moon was upon them.

Now that he was prepared to admit his love for Remus, the world all at once seemed like a happier place. While he still worried for Harry, Lily, and James, Sirius had a renewed level of confidence that everything would turn out fine for them all. He even found himself forgiving his parents for their past transgressions. James was right when he said that parenting was harder than it looked. Sirius knew the demands that becoming a father placed on the formerly carefree James. He could see even now how James would evolve and change as both a parent and an individual as Harry grew older and more children entered the family, as James and Lily hoped they would. He was even grateful that his mother refused to take him back into the family. Just as he knew that she had made up excuses with Dumbledore so that she could see him, unwilling to admit that she loved and missed him, he made the excuse that he wanted to come back to the family and support their causes and she saw right through that.

The morning's happy mood did not last for Sirius as he continued to look for Peter. Peter was not at home, nor was he in any of his usual places. Sirius asked aquaintances and neighbors if they had seen him, but no one had heard from him since before Sirius had brought him to Godric's Hollow. Sirius' scar throbbed as he became more and more frantic. Did Peter not understand the importance of his task? Where the hell was he?

At nightfall, when he ran out of places to search for his friend, Sirius ventured to Godric's Hollow. The horror that met him there was like nothing he could have imagined. The flames, the rubble, the bodies, the crying, and the rage that Sirius felt burning inside him was what he know others envisioned hell to be like. James was gone, Lily was gone. Peter had betrayed them. Without thinking, he got back on the motorbike and flew away from the distruction. Faster and faster he rode as tears blurred his vision and sorrowful moans burst from his lungs. "I'll kill him!" he shouted to the night sky, "I'll kill him."

But ahead of him, throught the tears and rage, he saw the one thing that reminded him of what was most important. A bright, silvery moon, nearly full, shone upon him, calling forth thoughts of Remus and of love and, finally, of his godchild, whose body was not among the dead. He had promised James and Lily to protect Harry. He remembered the sound that he had barely heard of a child crying back at Godric's hollow and suddenly knew it was him. Harry needed him now and he had to go back. There would be plenty of time for revenge against Peter. Right now, he needed to honor his best friend's memory by protecting his child. He turned the bike around and sped back to the village.

When he arrived Hagrid was already there, holding the crying child and comforting him. Sirius walked over behind him and looked into Harry's tear stained face. Harry seemed momentarily happy to see him and his wailing ceased for a moment as he regarded his godfather. Sirius's eyes were drawn to the scar that had appeared on Harry's forehead, inexplicably shaped like a lightning bolt. Sirius reached out to touch it and Harry began to cry in earnest again. Just then Sirius remembered his own scar and, for the first time realized that it no longer pained him.

* * *

A strong wind blew into the mouth of the cave, extinguishing the fire that had provided his only light, but it was only then that Sirius became aware of his surroundings. He wondered how long he had been sitting there, once again reviewing the events that had taken him away from Harry and Remus for so many years. After he left Hagid and Harry, things seemed to happen so quickly that now they seemed like a bad dream. When he found Peter, he saw in those beady eyes that this was the man's revenge for all the times Sirius and James had taunted him in their youth. Sirius remembered being captured and unable to do anything but laugh because the shock of this situation, and his part in creating it, was so great. He remembered how Barty Crouch grabbed ahold of his wrist, pulled back the sleeve of Sirius' robe, and announced to all present that the scar on Sirius' wrist was where he had cut out the Dark Mark in an effort to hide his support for his true master. Sirius laughed even harder. There was no trial.

At first he thought someone would come for him and take him from Azkaban. He did not expect Remus to try and defend him. It was hard enough for Remus to prove to the world that he himself did not practice the Dark Arts, just because he was a werewolf. He needed to keep a low profile. But Dumbledore would certainly have known that Sirus could never have hurt James and Dumbledore had the power and respect to convince the Wizengammot of his innocence. Even his mother could have concurred. Eventually he learned that all Voldemort supporters, including Walburga Black, had lost their positions in the Ministry, but Sirius could never figure out why Dumbledore had believed that he could have taken part in the crime for which he was accused. It was only after his escape from Azkaban and his recapture at Hogwarts that he learned the truth.

* * *

They held him in a tower room so high up that he could not escape, but he was not concerned about that. His only thoughts were for Harry and Remus, who he last saw as the wolf, running wild, into the distance. The door knob rattled and Sirius braced himself for the Dementor's Kiss. He was surprised to see the headmaster enter the room unaccompanied.

"Is he okay, Dumbledore?" Sirius asked with urgency. He did not know how much longer he had. "Is Harry alright?"

"Dumbledore looked at Sirius with surprise. "Yes," he said, searching Sirius' eyes were some unknown clue. "Yes, Sirius, he's fine. He's with Madam Pomfrey. I'm going to see him next, but before I do I needed to ask you something."

Sirius nodded and Dumbledore continued. "Were you the traitor?" he asked, his eyes piercing Sirius'. Sirius knew that Dumbledore was skilled in Legilimens, so he opened his mind to the older man. There was nothing to hide.

"Of course not," Sirius said, realizing that he needed to say it out loud. He needed to defend himself as he hadn't before. "I thought you knew me better than that."

Dumbledore sighed and sat down beside him. "I knew you. I knew you perhaps better than you realized, and perhaps that was my weakness. You see, Sirius, I have lived a long time and I know that a man can be broken by love as easily as he can be healed by it. Right before James and Lily Potter's death, I told you how your mother had sought you out. For so long you had lived without a family and I mistaken believed that this information I had previously kept from you was strong enough to break you and turn you towards them.

"I know from experience that family is a complex beast. We want to hate them sometimes, yet when we do, we feel terrible about it. We want our families to love us unconditionally, but when they do we reject their love. I knew at the time, Sirius, that you blamed yourself for Regulus' death."

Sirius looked away, shocked that Dumbledore had known a truth he had never admitted to anyone. "Yes," he said in a quiet voice. "Regulus was unsuited to be a Death Eater. Everyone in the family must have known that, including Regulus. I know he only joined to take the family's attention away from their disappointment in me. Stupid Idiot! I could handle it! Why did he have to..." His voice began to break and he stopped. It was an old hurt - hating and loving Regulus at the same time. Feeling responsible, yet knowing that Regulus had made his own choice, understanding that it could be his last. He was prepared to die for the family's beliefs, leaving the Blacks without sons, but with their Pure Blood pride in tack; and that made Sirius even more angry.

"I thought that when I brought up your mother's visits with me, I stirred some of that guilt inside you. All these years I've felt that your supposed crime was my fault," Dumbledore told him. "Because we are alike, Sirius. We feel passionately about what we believe in and we were born to lead. I was once presented with great power and I made the wrong choice. When the Potters died, I feared that you had made the same mistake as I. I mistakenly believed that I had led you to return to your family and follow the ways of Voldemort. Will you forgive me?"

Sirius nodded. He didn't tell Dumbledore that he had intended to return to his family and that, had his mother taken him in, Dumbledore's fears would have been realized. "I told Harry the truth and he believed me. I am honored that you believe me as well."

"And I am honored to have your forgiveness," Dumbledore stood and looked about the room. "NOW," he said in a booming, confident voice, "let me see how I can get you out of here."

Sirius chuckled. "As much as I would like to believe that could be a reality, I know it is not."

"Nothing is impossible, Mr. Black," Dumbledore told him. And within hours he and Buckbeak were flying away from Hogwarts, destined to be reunited with the one whose love he had aways desired.

* * *

Their friendship returned after that and Dumbledore kept Sirius regularly updated throughut the year on Harry and the situation at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was concerned about Harry's participation in the Triwizard Tournament, but everything leading up to the final task seemed fine. Everyday Sirius search the sky looking for Fawkes, hungry for news about Harry. On this day, however, the news was not so good. "Come quickly," the notes read, "Harry is alive, but Voldemort has returned."

* * *

Days later, Sirius once again found himself staring at the door of Remus' flat, where Dumbledore had instructed him to "lie low." However, unlike all of the other times when he wondered what waited for him on the other side, this time he knew. Remus opened the door and took him silently into his arms as they held each other tightly, afraid to let go.

"There were times while you were away that I wondered if this was real," Remus whispered.

Sirius breathed in his scent and kissed his lover's neck. "I never doubted it was real. Your love has stayed with me all these past months." He pulled away so that he could look at Remus. "Do you remember the first time we made love?"

Remus smiled,"Of course. There were years since when I struggled to forget, but I'm afraid it is burned into me as deeply as the werewolf's bite. That night is a part of who I am."

"I remember how you kissed me, timid at first, but then more confident. I could feel your lust, but something else as well."

"My parents had just died and at first I thought that you had kissed me because that was what you thought I wanted, that you were only trying to soothe my loss. I never wanted a boy in that way, let alone you, but I thought you must have believed I did. But then, when we were in bed together, naked, kissing, touching, I knew that this was what YOU wanted and then I wanted you more than I had ever wanted anyone.

You were always so mysterious, Sirius. That has always been a part of your charm. No one could ever figure you out. You were afterall, a pure blood, from an ancient, respected family and could have easily fit in with all those Slytherin prats, but you were in reality so different than them. You had their regal bearing, but you were so understanding of the needs of others, so down to earth. When we made love that first time, I felt I finally understood you. I understood your soul because you were just like me. We both were different on the inside than the world sees us. The world see me as either weak as a man or dangerous as a werewolf..."

"But you are neither," Sirius interupted. "You are strong and ethical, and that is why I love you." They kissed and Sirius continued. "Until that first time, I always felt different than others. Let's face it: I had an unusual upbringing, even for a pure-blood. My family followed an ancient religion that most people don't even know about. In a way, it was like growing up in a cult. They had different values than most witches and wizards, and yet I always knew I didn't belong in their world. But when I came to Hogwarts and was placed in Gryffindor, I felt I never truly fit in there either. I was too rebellious. Gryffindors saw me as too dark, and Slytherins saw me as too weak. I was like you.

"But unlike you, I had what felt like a dark core inside me. A hard place that sheltered the part of me that wanted to love, to need, to feel the warmth of another human being. Inside that core was everything that made me different than others, but had the evil that I associated with my family. When you made love to me that night I felt that dark core crack. I felt a simmering, golden liquid spill out of it and fill me as you did, bringing me light and happiness, and connecting me to all that was good in the world. There was no evil inside me, just like there is no evil inside you, despite the presence of the wolf.

"Remus, that is why I could never let you go during all those years when we pretended not to want each other. I tried to resist you, but my desire to have that feeling you bring inside me once again was too great. Being with you, sharing those intimacies, has always been more than a physical pleasure. I love you and I want to be with you always. With you I am whole."

Sirius let his fingers move along Remus' cheeks and then down to his throat. Remus helped him remove his robe and they touched one another slowly and sensually. Unlike the times in the past, they whispered to each other, telling those intimate secrets of likes and desires, fantasies and truths. Sirius was surprised how unembarrassed he was with Remus as he described his body and the parts of him he wanted to explore. He told Remus how it felt to be inside him and how erotic it was when Remus was inside him, gently tapping against his prostate. Remus kissed him, telling him over and over how much he desired Sirius in words that were both sensuous and obscene. They stood before one another, naked and unashamed, looking admiringly at one another, remarking upon the visual signs of excitement, and then, when they could postpone it no longer, they made love that had both the comfort of the familiar and excitement of a new discovery.

_Thank you Moony's Daughter, Shiny Objects, Remuslives23, Prfm, and Malianani for your consistent and insightful reviews. One more chapter!!!_


	23. Heirs to the House of Black

_The final chapter! This story is consistant with my other stories and the Remus/Sirius saga continues in The Secret Keepers_

**23. Heirs to the House of Black**

Harry Potter sighed as he looked at the pile of parchment that remained on his desk. He needed to leave on time today, no matter how much paperwork remained. He glanced at Fabian Prewett's watch once again to check the time. Even after so many years, he continued to wear the watch that Molly Weasley had given to him on his seventeenth birthday. A few more minutes and then he had to go home.

Since he graduated from Hogwarts, home for Harry was Number Twelve Grimmauld Place; the house where Sirius had grown up and that he had willed to Harry after his death. Harry had worked hard with his House Elf, Kreacher, to transform the house from its dreary beginnings to a cheery, light filled space by the time of his wedding to Ginny. After a few years time, their son James was born and another Elf, Winky, came to live work for them as a nanny. A year later Albus was born and Grimmauld Place began to take on the familiar chaos of the Burrow. Ginny found it an eerie coincindence that James and Albus had the same age difference as Sirius had had with his younger brother, but Harry did not. The Black Family were well known as Dark Wizards, and Harry was sure that a part of their magic lived within the walls of their former home.

When Lily joined them, Harry felt complete. When they were first married, Harry had always told Ginny that he wanted as many children as the Weasleys, but after their daughter was born, Harry (and an exhausted Ginny) decided that their family was large enough. After all, there were plenty of Weasley cousins who were always eager to come for a visit, in addition to was his godson, Teddy Lupin, who had a special place in their hearts and home.

Harry put down his quill and rose from his desk. The rest would have to wait for tomorrow. Tonight was the night that the Potter family remembered Sirius Black. Because he had no family traditions of his own, Harry decided early on that he and Ginny and their growing family would invent their own. Honoring Sirius on the day he died was one of those traditions. Usually they invited Ron, Hermione, and their children to join them, as well as Andromeda Tonks and her grandson, Teddy Lupin. On this night, however, the gathering would be much smaller. Ron and Hermione were home with sick children and Ginny had to be away for work, making plans for the upcoming Quiddich World Cup. Teddy was away at Hogwarts, but Andromeda had promised to come, so Harry had instructed the House Elves to prepare the celebration as planned. As he entered the Ministry's fireplace, in preparation to enter the Floo Network to go home, he knew from experience that the preparations may not as far along as he had hoped. But he never expected the cacaphony that awaited his arrival.

He was barely out of the hearth when he heard the commotion. All three children were crying, with Albus' wails being the loudest. On top of that the two House Elves were screaming at each other, lobbing blame for the catastophy in whooping falsettos. "What is going on here?" Harry asked in a voice raised to carry over the din. But as he made his way from the fireplace into the sitting room he could see the problem. One of the tall bookcases, a relic from the house's former owners and fallen over, pinning Albus' small arm to the floor.

"Step away, all of you!" Harry called to his children and House Elves as he made his way across the sitting room and over to his middle child. He sat down next to his son and placed his hand reassuringly on the boy's cheek. "It's okay, Albus, I'm here."

"It's not my fault, Dad," James began, still weeping. "I told him not to climb..."

"He'll be fine," Harry cut across as he raised his wand and lifted the bookcase off of Albus and back to where it belonged. Because they were so close in age, all three children tended to get in to quite a bit of mischief while their parents were away at work, but no one had ever gotten seriously hurt before. Albus continued to cry loudly and Harry examined his arm. It was obviously broken. From prior experience, Harry knew better than to attempt a healing charm so he turned his attention toward the House Elves. "Winky, I need you to calm down right now. Kreacher, can you go to St. Mungo's right away and have them send a healer to the house?"

"Of course, sir," Kreacher said and disapparated immediately.

Winky's wailing subsided into quiet sobs as she looked over at Albus. "I'm sorry Mr. Harry. Winky should have been more strict with Master Albus and Master James. Winky tells them not to play with the Snitch in the house. Winky should have put it away before it got lodged on the top of the bookshelf."

Winky's cries threatened to grow loud again and Harry spoke to her with reassurance. "That's okay, Winky. Now, please stay with me in case the Healer needs anything." Winky nodded and Harry watched her struggle to control herself. Harry lifted Albus onto his lap and held him. While he was frightened with the realization that his children could have gotten seriously hurt in their own home, he knew that if he showed his fears, they would only become magnified in the eyes of his children and House Elves.

Within moments there was a loud pop and Kreacher apparated back into the sitting room at Grimmauld Place. "The Healer will be here momentarily, Mr. Harry. Is there anything else Kreacher can do?"

"Yes, Kreacher," Harry said, forcing himself to remain calm. "Please return to the kitchen and continue preparing tonights meal. I expect that we will go on with the celebration as planned." Kreacher nodded his consent and disappeared.

"How will the Healer get here, Daddy?" Lily asked, stepping tentatively closer to her older brother.

"Probably through the Floo Network," Harry answered her, and then, as a distraction, he added, "Why don't you go watch for him?" Lily walked over to the hearth followed closely by Winky, who was determined not to let the children out of her sight again. Soon the green flame appeared and Harry looked down at Albus' pained face. "The Healer is here, Love. You'll be better soon."

Harry turned back to the fireplace and watched as the man stepped into the room. His blond hair, fair skin and pale eyes contrasted with the bright green robes of a Healer that he wore. Their eyes met and it took a moment for both men to realize in whose company they were now standing. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but no words came forth.

It was Lily who broke the silence. "Are you the Healer who has come to help my brother?" she asked.

"Yes," he said turning to her with a smile. He held out his hand to her and she shook it as she had been taught. He spoke to her in the voice of a man comfortable in the company of children. He did not speak down to her or attempt to frighten her with his presence as he introduced himself. "I'm Healer Malfoy."

"And I'm Lily Potter," the little girl responded. "This is my brother James, our nanny Winky, my brother Albus is with my dad by the bookcase. He's the one who is hurt."

"I can see that," Draco Malfoy told her. "I'll need some space to work on him, so in a moment you and James will need to leave the room, but before you do, could you both help me with a few things?"

"Yes, of course," James and Lily said in unison.

"Lily, Please fetch me a soft pillow and a warm blanket for your brother," Draco instructed. Lily nodded and raced away towards the staircase. "And you," Draco continued, pointing at James, "Do you know where your father keeps the Firewhiskey?"

James glanced quickly toward Harry, then turned back to the Healer, "Yes," he answered quietly.

"Good," Draco said with a confident nod. "Please pour a small amount of Firewhiskey into a glass and bring it back to me."

"Will that be for my brother?" James asked, frowning with curiousity.

"No, it's for your father. I believe he needs it after the shock of seeing me in his home after so many years."

When James had left, Draco turned his attention to Harry and Albus. He asked Albus a few questions and then, when Lily returned with the bed clothes, he and Harry carried Albus to the sofa. James returned with the glass of whiskey and handed it to Harry. "Thank you, son," Harry told him. "Now you and your sister should do as Healer Malfoy said and go with Winky."

The children left and Draco continued to work on Albus. "It's a bad break," he told Harry. "But with the right potion and a little time, it should be good as new. Albus, can you drink this for me?" Draco asked, producing a flask of potion from a silvery bag he carried.

"Yes sir," Albus whispered with great discomfort. He drank the potion and was soon fast asleep. Draco took his wand and moved it slowly over the sleeping boys body, muttering incantations as Harry watched in amazement, sipping the whiskey, which tasted better than he had ever remembered.

Draco stopped the movements and moved back toward Harry. "He needs to sleep for awhile and let the spell take effect. I'll need to wait here, if that's okay."

"Certainly," Harry said, inviting Draco to take a seat on one of the comfortable chairs in the room. He offered his guest a drink, but Draco refused. "I didn't know you had entered the Healer training program."

"Yes," Draco nodded. "After.... well, after everything at Hogwarts, Mother thought it best for me to spend some time abroad so I did a year at Durmstrang and then returned to the county. I was a good student while at Hogwarts. We weren't friends then, Harry, so I'm not sure you knew that. I was well skilled in potions and after I finished school I decided I wanted to help people as so many people had helped me. I didn't want to have the life my father led."

They were quiet for a minute before Draco began again. "You have a nice looking family, although your children look more like Weasley than you."

"They should," Harry laughed. "I married his sister." Draco told Harry about his own family including his wife, Astoria, and their son, Scorpius, who was the same age as Albus.

Draco got up from the chair to look once again at Albus. "He's doing well," he reassured Harry. "I can see that the bones are healing already." Harry walked over and they stood beside the sleeping boy. Draco took out an old fashioned pocket watch and checked the time. The watch was platinum and embossed with the image of a black swan, carved in onyx.

"That's a handsome watch," Harry admired.

"Thank you. It belonged to my grandfather, Cygnus Black, who," Draco looked up and scanned the sitting room for the first time since entering it, "was born in this very house."

"That's right," Harry said, nodding. "I forget that your mother and Sirius were cousins."

"Yes. They were very close for awhile." Draco looked down and Harry could see that he was carefully considering his next words. "Harry, my mother... my mother has never forgiven herself for her part in causing Sirius' death. You see, after Aunt Walbie, Sirius' mother died, her House Elf was very lonely and would contact my mother by fire all the time. She was always there to talk with him. He had told her long before about Sirius and she didn't say anything. It was only when Kreacher came to our house after Sirius had sent him away that my father and my Aunt Bellatrix found out. At that point, she couldn't hide the truth any longer."

Harry said nothing. The senseless nature of Sirius' death by his cousin's hand still gnawed at his and in his mind's eye he still saw Sirius fall through the veil.

"At first Father didn't her that Bellatrix had actually done it," Draco continued, seeming to read Harry's mind. "He knew it would have broken her heart. The Blacks cared about family more than anything and he didn't want her to hate her sister."

Harry snorted in disbelief. He didn't look at Draco. "They cared about family? I find that hard to believe! Sirius and his family parted ways when he was still a teenager. There was no love lost between them."

"What gives you that impression?"

"The things Sirius told me, his mother's portrait that would scream obsenities at him and us, until Kreacher finally agreed to remove it."

Draco snickered. "I remember that portrait. She had it created right before she died. But that was not who she was in life, Harry. At least, she wasn't like that for most of her life. She went mad at the end. There was too much disappointment for her and her inability to save Sirius..."

"WHAT?" Harry asked loudly, glancing quickly at Albus before leading Draco away from his peaceful son. "What do you mean she tried to save Sirius?"

"Before he went to Azkaban, Sirius asked his mother to intervene on your behalf. He had heard that the Dark Lord was trying to kill you and he asked her to stop him. She was a well-respected woman then and he believed that Voldemort trusted her. She tried her best, but she was unsuccessful. The Dark Lord had no respect and trusted no one. People always underestimated him, except for you and Dumbledore, and in underestimating him, many men and women met their downfall.

"When Sirius was accused of the crime, she worked hard on his behalf, trying to convince everyone in the Wizengamot of his innocence. She even went to Barty Crouch himself, but by that point she was a parrhia. As a former Voldemort supporter and an unapologetic Dark Arts practitioner, so no one believed her. In fact, her calls for justice most likely hurt Sirius' case. Knowing that she played a role in her son's demise, sent her round the twist, poor thing."

Harry sat in stunned silence. "She spoke to Voldemort about me?" he asked finally.

"Yes. She wanted to give that to Sirius as a gift. She expected that he would come back to her more willingly if she did something for him. She wanted to make amends, but she was a proud woman, unaccostom to showing mercy to those she believed had wronged her."

"Sirius would never have agreed to practice the Dark Arts!" Harry told Draco with conviction.

Draco shrugged. "Sirius left home when he was sixteen. As you and I both know, sixteen year olds are quick to condemn and aren't always good at understanding all the complexities in relationships. Yes, as one of the oldest wizarding families, the Blacks had a different view about Dark Magic than most in the community, but that's because they were very religious."

"Religious? I'm surprised. There were no crosses or items in the house when I moved in to indicate that."

Draco smiled, "Of course, they weren't Christian. One of the things that was never mentioned in our Defense Against the Dark Arts classes at Hogwarts was the religious aspect of that practice. You see, the legend is that long before the Romans arrived in Britain, the gods and goddesses gave certain powers to a few families, the most faithful ones. These families were graced with the magic to control their less ethical neighbors and instructed to keep their bloodlines pure so that these dangerous arts could not be used by others in the wrong way. They also had to keep faithful to the traditions that worshipped the Goddess of the Earth and the God of Heaven. Over time, new rulers came and went in Great Britain, many of whom feared the powers of the magical community, labeling their skills "Dark Arts" or "Black Magic" and denouncing it as the work of the devil. Many of the original families married Muggles and the traditions were lost, or watered down. Eventually, the International Act of Magical Secrecy was passed so that Muggles could be kept unaware of even the most benign magical practices. But a few families, like the Blacks and the Malfoy's held fast to that long ago agreement. Unfortunately, not everyone in these families was scrupulous and the Dark Arts were passed along to those who should never have known them; who used these sacred rites for their own purposes."

"Like Voldemort," Harry added.

"and so many others," Draco conceded. They were silent for a long time. Draco checked on Albus once again and then walked about the room, his eyes soon resting upon the tapestry that filled the wall on the far side. "The Black Family Tree," he said with excited recognition. "My mother told me about this."

"I was going to have Kreacher remove it years ago, but then I decided to have him repair it instead, putting back the names of family members, like Sirius, who were taken off, and adding some new names. You're name is there," Harry said, pointing to Draco's name next to his mother and fathers. "I'll make sure Kreacher adds your wife and children as well."

Draco looked at his name on the family tree and followed the gold threads with his fingers back to his mother and then on to Sirius and Regulus. His fingers traced Sirius' name and followed the thread from his name to where it connected to the name "Remus Lupin," which in turn connected to "Nymphadora Tonks," whose name also connected to the restored name of Andromeda Black and the newly added "Ted Tonks." Draco continued to follow the line of gold back to Sirius, Remus, and Tonks and then on to the name "Ted Remus Lupin," which appeared to connect to all three of them. He turned and looked at Harry. "I'm not sure I understand."

Harry smiled. "It's a long story, but it suffices to say that love that existed in the Black family continues. Wounds do heal, Draco. I think we both know that." He placed his hand on Draco's shoulder and looked into his eyes as they silently absolving one another of long ago sins - real and imagined.

"Speaking of wounds," Draco said, breaking their moment of forgiveness. "Let's check on this young man." He moved back to the sofa and touched Albus' arm. "It seems to be all better. I'll wake him now." Draco got out his wand, but before he could cast the spell, the door of the room burst open.

"Harry, Winky told me that a Healer was in here with Albus! Is everything alright?" Andromeda's eyes were full of concern as she looked first at Harry, then the sleeping Albus, and then finally to Draco. She did not know him, but a flicker of recognition showed in her face. Draco, too, seemed stunned by her arrival and her resemblance to Bellatrix. Harry realized that he was standing between an aunt and nephew who had never met.

"He's fine, Andromeda. The Healer is just about to wake him," but even he could see that Andromeda was not paying attention; her gazed fixed on Draco as she tried to remember if she knew him.

"I'm sorry," she said finally breaking her trance. "It's just that you remind me of someone I used to know. A kind person who I am now sorry that I let slip away. I miss her greatly."

Draco nodded and held out his hand. "I'm pleased to meet you Mrs. Tonks, and I know that the one you used to know is still a kind person and she misses you, too."

Harry walked across the room to give them some privacy as they continued their conversation. He stood under the tapesty and for the first time he understood the symbolism of the family tree. Like an actual tree, some branches of families by wither and die, but others sprout anew. Even from branches that are cracked and broken, a new branch can emerge. Nature in her wisdom restores the tree just as love restores individuals. The love that Sirius and Remus found in each other continues to grow through Teddy and Harry, and today, it mended a branch. Harry was sure that all the ghosts of Grimmauld Place were happily watching the beginnings of a relationship that would reunite two sisters who had once loved one another within The Ancient and Most Noble House of Black.

_A/N - I need to post this now, but I'll be back with thanks to all those who contributed to this story._


	24. Epilogue Thanks!

A/N: Thanks!

**Shiny Objects **wrote in a review of _The Prisoner of Memory_ that a whole novel could be written about the Black family and thus the idea for _A Goblet of Blood _was born! Thank you, Shiny Objects, for the inspiration. At one point over the summer I lost interest in pursuing this story, but **Malianani** encouraged me to continue, and she has my great thanks for doing so. In her PMs we talked through the vision of the story, which allowed me to clear up in future chapters certain elements of the plot that were unclear. **RemusLives23** inspired me to make this the raciest of all three stories, something I had not previously dared to do. Thank you, Julie. **Prfm **has provided beautiful and thoughtful comments throughout all 3 stories, so thank you for sticking with it. As always, I have to thank **Clare Mansfield** whose beautiful story **Without You, I'm Nothing** inspired me to write slash fiction in the first place. Her companion piece, **Sleeping with Ghosts**, still gives me chills to read.

In addition to the many reader of _A Goblet of Blood_, additional works of fiction have been inspirational to this story. _The Mists of Avalon_ by Marion Zimmer Bradley tells the story of Goddess worship in Great Britain in the time of King Arthur and that inspired the seasonal aspect of the Black's religion, as well as the Beltane ceremony that Sirius witnesses. Also, the character of Walburga Black was inspired by the character of Vivienne in _The Mists of Avalon_, who manipulates and sacrifices those she loves to protect a religion that is rapidly disappearing. _American Gods_ by Neil Gaiman is another novel whose plot involves the lost traditions of polytheism and that was inspirational as well. The blood-mingling scene between James and Sirius was insprired by _A Prayer for Owen Meaney_ by John Irving in the scene where Owen saws off John's finger to keep him from having to go to Vietnam with the words "I love you" (it makes more sense if you've read the book.) In writing the chapters I often imagined them set to music and the music I chose was neo- Celtic like Enya, Lorena McKennit, and Clannad. _Planet Drum_ by Mickey Hart, formerly of the Grateful Dead, inspired the drumming at the Halloween bonfire.

If you have read all three of my stories, you can see the connections. _The Secret Keepers_ is a first person narrative of the Remus/Sirius relationship that moves beyond Sirius' death to explain Remus' reasons for marrying Tonks. It is insinuated in _HP and the Deathly Hallows_ that Remus marries Tonks because she is pregnant (quick, quiet ceremony and throughout the first few chapters Tonks as described as radiant and Remus miserable.) To give the Remus/Sirius relationship some staying power without being cruel to Tonks, I made their child to be a product of Sirius' love and magic, thus allowing the love of Sirius for Remus to live on posthumously. _The Prisoner of Memory_ is written from Remus' perspective and mostly told through flashbacks to their days at Hogwarts as he tries to determine whether or not Sirius is the cold blooded killer everyone thinks he is. It begins with Remus unable to even say Sirius' name because he felt so betrayed, but as the story moves on, he remembers and dreams about their more intimate encounters, with the well-known resolution in the Shreiking Shack. And, of course, _A Goblet of Blood_ is Sirius' background story, exploring more in depth his parents, Andromeda, Bellatrix, and Narcissa. I never bought the line that Sirius' parents hated him and vice versa because of differing political views – blood runs deeper than that.

If you read closely, you'll notice I only used the word "gay" twice. I also wrote the female characters to be very strong and independent of men. They did what they wanted to do, not because they wanted to please a man. In _The Prisoner of Memory_ Remus has relationships with several women, none of whom want more than a casual encounter with him, which is all he is capable of giving in the aftermath of his relationship with Sirius. In _A Goblet of Blood_ Andromeda is a headstrong hippy-chick (it is the 70s after all) who defies her parents to marry outside of her "race." Of course, Walburga is a strong leader who advocates for the rights of women in the Ministry and lives by her own rules. Cissy also has a quiet strength. In the books, it is presumed that she is evil simply by the fact that she is married to Lucius, but if you read carefully you can see that her actions are very independent of him. The important presence of a female deity is another feminist aspect of that story. I look forward to the day when women are not portrayed as weepy romantic messes in books.

Going forward, I am working on _Ashes of the Phoenix_, a story that will follow Sirius in Grimmauld Place during _The Order of the Phoenix. _Until that is posted, I still check my messages and reviews so I hope to hear from everyone in the future. And, as I mentioned above, I open to your inspriration.

Peace out!

- Eliza (SomethingBorrowed)


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